Nicholas

328. - Andy Haynes

Nicholas

Andy Haynes is a stand-up comedian from Seattle, currently living in New York. Watch his current special, "The Coward of Gramercy," here. We chat about Chris' hate of car racing, the HVAC baton has been passed, allergy season, Andy has never written on a TV show that he'd want to tell people about, Chanel Westcoast, meeting chicks at Equinox and immediately paying their rent, Andy's barista career, TJ used to heckle stand up shows, did podcasts or Tik Tok ruin comedy? Andy's wife got hired to roast a San Diego Billionaire, Andy used to smoke hotties out for a hug, he's married into political royalty, how people consume comedy now, the hills of Seattle, and Andy pitches Chris for some light copywriting work.instagram.com/imandyhaynestwitter.com/donetodeathtwitter.com/themjeans Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Published Apr 13, 2022
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0:00-2:11

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Okay, we're recording. Them jeans, what's really going on? Oh, you know, I'm feeling much better. Not super sick anymore. Just I got one more day of some... flam but uh otherwise i'm just over here taking it easy just i'm doing all the stuff on my to-do list from like you know eight months ago that i was just like never gonna do oh i would love to i would love to hear some of this important stuff that's that's kind of made on that list if you don't mind sharing none of it none of it isn't none of it is important that's the that's the reason why it just sits on the list you know like move this box of clothes to the garage or you know just like dumb shit where you're just like i'm gonna do that and you never do it i wouldn't i wouldn't know anything about that i accomplished tasks you know asap uh there's no there's no time for waiting well i have the time because i'm under the weather you know i understand i understand normally i'm accomplishing so many tasks when i'm firing from all the cylinders but that's true i got three cylinders tops i understand yeah yes you're you're working with Some engines have more, but you're working with three, and you're comfortable with that, is what you're saying. At the moment, I am. Oh, I see. I see, I see. After I hit the pit crew, this kid will be purring V12, no problem. You're more of a four-banger, and that's cool for you. I don't want you to lap me. That would be a problem, so I need to make sure that my cylinders are... One more reference, and I'll have to bring up Ford v Ferrari yet again. No, don't. Please, God. Available live on Delta. Please, God, don't do that. Well, no, now that...

2:11-4:22

Now that every white guy who drives a mid-range sedan is obsessed with F1, it's just another hell for us to try to escape. First, I'd hear about golf, and now I have to hear about cars going around in circles. Because it's European, it's sexy, but when it's NASCAR, it's redneck, which I don't really understand. Obviously, there are differences in the sport. I understand that, but it's also like, are they really that different? So you're like, find me any difference between... Talladega or Arkansas and Monte Carlo. Is that kind of what you're saying? Well, no, no, no. I understand that there's a difference between the customer and the fan of the sport, and that only has to do with, it seems like, economic differences. Well, F1, the NASCAR, we'll cover this very quickly and move on because truly nobody wants to hear about it, but, you know, NASCAR, you just drive in a circle. You make a left turn. You know, 5,000 times. And, you know, it does get a little boring for sure. And then, you know, the F1, you get to kind of turn it left and turn right. Oh, okay. So that really blows minds. Some parts you go slow. Some parts you go fast. So basically people like F1 because they're like a little better looking and they dress cooler. That's kind of what I'm understanding from what little knowledge I have. That is literally taken out of your personal rule book of. Should I like this because it looks a little bit better and people are better looking? You wrote that book. Not when it comes to sport. Well, this isn't a sport, and that's the number one thing that's an issue. This is an activity of men. using their hands to operate a motor vehicle like the rest of us do every single day. We also have a lot of women drivers out there too, Chris. Don't sleep on that. Oh, I would never. I would never. I'm sure that's a really popular part of the sport. But it is a physically demanding sport. You should check out Ford v. Ferrari. I've seen Ford v. Ferrari. It's a good show. It's a demanding sport because it's hot on the inside of the car. 24 hours of Le Mans. Yeah, I mean. Good luck.

4:22-6:48

Built different. No, I mean, sure, I guess. I just can't believe. The things that people will occupy themselves with and put their care into, me included, it's twisted. I mean, I get it. I pay $100 for an old magazine. You get up at [redacted address] motorized vehicles around a track in flame-retardant suits. I get it. Everybody's got their kink. And my kink is, you know, tasks around the house, fixing little things here and there. We all know about my HVAC issues from a couple months ago. I'm still kind of recovering from that trauma. Is anything going on with you over there, Chris, and that kind of stuff? Nope. Everything's good. No, I'm dealing with some HVAC trauma as well. So what did you pull off the first kind of diagnostics to see what it might be? Unclear. Other than texting me this morning? You're my go-to. There seems to be some sort of gas issue. I called the L.A. Department of – or excuse me. I called SoCal Gas, and as you can imagine, they weren't very helpful. And the call did end with me telling them to go fuck themselves, which I don't like to do. I usually am better about that, but they weren't. Don't believe that for a second. No, I am. I don't think you should – I honestly think it's bad, and you shouldn't ever talk to people in those positions like that because we all know they have absolutely no power, and the job is terrible, and there's no reason for me to – pile on well that's almost meaner than saying go fuck yourself but yeah go on but the the today it just wasn't they were not they were not listening to reason um you know because this happened but okay karen black you're not listening to reason i don't i don't know i mean i don't know what to do honestly i i i'm kind of at a loss well i have a tip for you so this is something because we know there's a problem that i've had before and not just um in this current home but just like through the years You know, there's always been something involving the gas. You know, the pilot light goes out on the, whatever it could be. But what, you know, what your problem is with your gas not working, great solution. They have on the website, they have this auto pay thing where you can set up your bank account on it. And it'll just pay the bill always. So it never kind of goes unpaid. And then they don't have to go through the whole thing where they like shut your gas down. Yeah, no, it's not about bill payment, unfortunately.

6:48-8:59

But it does have me looking at YouTube videos of how I can kind of do things myself so you know it's getting dark. Really? You know it's getting dark. No way. This is gross. I just wanted to look. Obviously, I'm not going to use them. But I just wanted to check and see what's out there to kind of educate myself. Well, I thought you were a little bit of a lost cause with that. Because with my girlfriend, I'll be like, she'll ask me a question. I'll be like, you know, this is a great thing. I'm sure if you just Google this, there is a... A YouTube video where some nice person took the time to explain exactly how to fix this very specific situation or somebody wrote a Reddit thread and she's like, you do it. Yeah, I mean. And then that's it. Yeah, I mean that's. But you are taking the initiative. I mean I took the initiative. And I like that. I took the initiative for five to six minutes and then the initiative went off. I'm not really interested in going deeper. Like one of your little key bumps. You know, it hits, and then about five, six minutes later, it kind of wears off pretty quick. Great, great example. Yeah, I mean, I always thought that, you know, I think there's a whole economy of people I would like to support that are able to do things that I can't do. Oh, yeah. You know, I look at it more as giving back, really, than kind of a lacking on my part. Just everything is a fucking problem every single day. Life is literally a crawl to the finish in the grave where you're just fixing problems on a daily basis. I don't know if that's what other people experience, but that's kind of what it feels like to me. Yeah, that is what other people experience, but I think they're probably all listening to this and having a good chuckle to themselves because they have, you know, like... kids or something you know what i mean well that's their fault no no that's a problem kids and pets are self-created problems and i have no sympathy for that that that's a choice that you make and and you know that that i guess every problem though or not every but most problems are ours results of some choices we make yeah when you really think about it when you really think about it that's kind of what it comes down to but you know here we are at least it's look there's the santa anas are whipping it's beating beating my allergies up

8:59-11:24

In the body shots. In the kidneys. It's fucking my allergies up. I didn't know you suffered so much from this. I used to have really bad allergies. All growing up. Damn, what a nerd. I know, I was a nerd. And now look at me glow up. Now you're the nerd. Now I glowed up and now you're the fucking bitch. Bitch, I'm not. Who said I'm a nerd? I got rid of my glasses. Don't do this. Would a nerd get LASIK? Exactly. I don't have a list. You do in my mind at certain moments, in opportune moments. I like to give people a lisp or kind of a funny accent sometimes when I'm making fun of them in my mind's eye as well. Yeah, I mean, it's twisting the knife, you know? One last little blow. It feels good for me, less for you. It's true. It's all good. I earned my stripes. I used to sneeze. Every morning I would wake up, go to school. I'd get out of my mom's car, and I would look. Just the sun. And being in the sky would make me sneeze, which is a common thing. Yeah, I sneeze. A lot of people sneeze from the sun. I mean, that's not, I don't know if that's allergy related, is it? You know, it's not a direct correlation, but I think it's, you know, it's in the same familia. I would wager. I could be wrong completely. Dr. TJ. But yeah, I've had allergies. I've had allergies my whole life. But they come in cycles, you know, like seven years or so, I believe. And I think I had it too good for too long. We all had it too good for too long. We only have a few minutes before our guest comes, but I would implore you to check out the Casey Musgraves Architectural Digest house tour. Oh, well, we could talk about it with our guests, too. I mean, I love what they're doing over at AD, and I'm sure Casey Musgraves has a really dumb house. And hopefully I'm wrong. A dope crib? Is it dope? She has a dope crib, bro. No, no, no, no, no. It's not dope. Is it bad? I'll let you just ask that for yourself. Come on. Give me a hint. No, of course it's bad. I mean, yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? All right. Well, we do have a guest today. Andy Haynes, a writer, actor, and stand-up comedian. You might know him from some of his television stuff. Jason, is that where you know him from? I mean, I just know him as a stand-up. I'm sure he's done a bunch of late-night shit in Conan or whatever over the years. I think he's got...

11:24-13:45

He does a podcast as well, I believe, with his wife, which is crazy. So we need to talk about that. It says here that he's divorced, so I'm really interested now. He's a divorce podcaster, just like Chris Black. And also, Chris, also he's a sober king. Well, don't you have to be a sober king to be even remotely successful in comedy? I guess it's just kind of one or the other. Like, you either have to be a sober king or you have to be like... a mess psoriasis of the liver type shit like level of partying like you basically just like keep doing everything until something sticks and then it's like a house of cards where it's like all right i got it i don't touch nothing everybody don't touch and you know and then and then that's it and then you know you ride it to fame okay well uh let's uh let's chat with andy about the ins and outs of my favorite genre uh stand-up comedy I can't wait to get into kind of how you get a tight five and crowd work and all of your favorite subjects as well, Jason. Yeah, and we'll see if he knows anyone who works at GQ. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. upgrade that look starting at just $34 you know if you get a nice linen suit a little t-shirt underneath it some chill shoes you're looking good but you're staying cool the inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties so elevate that summer wardrobe go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns even on a nice holiday now available in canada

13:45-15:50

That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web. So do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. Do you need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture.

15:50-18:10

repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world, is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app. using promo code HOWLONG. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code HOWLONG with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. Andy, what's up? How are you? I'm good. How are you guys? You're coming to us from NYC? Yeah, deep in the heart of Sty Town. Maybe you should explain to Jason what Stuy Town is because I don't know. I know what a town is. I know what Stivescent is, but I don't know Stuy Town. I think it's probably the closest L.A. comparison would maybe be the – I'm forgetting the name now, but the little community across from the Beverly Center or the Grove. Oh, Park La Brea. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's got less MTV reality stars, but it's the same kind of vibe is what you're saying? So it looks exactly like projects. Yeah, if projects had like a landscaping budget. Yeah, it's freaky. It's freaky, but nice. Yeah, it's nice, but it's also like, it's definitely... It's got a lot of dorks in it. It's not necessarily a cool place to live, although it is nice. No, I mean, I don't love dorks around, but I've moved on. I don't want to be around cool guys at all. I only want to be around regular freaks. You know what I mean? I'm good on silver-like types. I'm more interested in a...

18:10-20:35

a gay guy that's a little over the hill but makes a lot of money yes chris you just described yourself by the way so i wouldn't really call that much of a freak but go on i i have 10 more years so i'm over the hill can you let me enjoy this time please true you you used to live in la right andy yeah i did uh i did six years there who no one goes back to new york i'm impressed that's all They always say that. They're like, you don't go back. Did it happen for a bad reason? Well, in the end, no. Walk with me, Jason. Walk with me. At the time of departure, yes. I moved out to L.A. because I was a bum my first little round in New York, and I would visit people in L.A., and they would have like... their own apartment and it would be in a neighborhood they wanted to live in all those little details all those little nice niceties water in their fridge and stuff exactly they'd like hike and then like on the way back from the hike they would like stop at a show and then they would like sit on a patio and like i was just like in love with that so i moved out to la because i was like in You know, just a hovel in Brooklyn. I wrote for TV for a couple years out there, and then I kind of burned out. I was definitely like, it was on me. I was like a stoner, and I really wasn't the greatest employee. I thought that's what they wanted. You know what I mean? Because they provide all those snacks. They want a high-functioning stoner. Do whatever you want behind closed doors, but get the job done. Dude, there's some people that are just like... I mean, show business is kind of a lawless place where if you give them the product they want, you're basically allowed to do whatever you want. You talking about like Harvey Weinstein vibe? Yeah, or like a Dan, what's his name? Cortez? From Rick and Morty. Oh, Dan Harmon. Harmon. The guy that did the show that people thought was good but was really bad that got canceled. You talking about Community? Yeah, they tried to like save it. Did you write on Community, Andy? No, I've actually never written on a show that I've ever told people to watch. Copy that.

20:35-22:55

Yeah, like a Dan Harmon or the guy from The Simpsons who's always touching them kids. Is Dan Harmon bad? I thought he was just bad at his job. I didn't know he was a bad guy. The only thing he's good at is his job, I think. I think Dan Harmon was a notorious... drunk like he would show up at the studio wasted but he's making a cartoon that rappers like so he's got a blank check but he wasn't i don't he wasn't like sexually harassing or abusing people but he was just like being like a very bad drunken surly asshole guy yeah i think he would like show up in the writer's room with like a fifth of vodka at like 10 p.m and be like let's go and you know they'd be like can we go home and then he would go into his office and like be tweeting and you aren't really allowed to leave it's kind of unspoken like you have to be dismissed kind of in a writer's room oh i think he was just wild and but because you know there's this It's all good because the studio likes him. I did not have that same kind of versatility. I could not be a stoner and also a wild man. So then I was like, I got to do stand-up. And when I went back to New York, I was like, oh, they actually value my stand-up here. I just have jokes. I don't have fame. So you were writing on TV shows before you ever attempted stand-up? No, no, no. I've been doing stand-up like 17 years. Okay, okay. That's what I thought. And then transitioned into TV writing and just never got those hallmark kind of tentpole shows. I was doing like TBS, multicam, lots of ridiculousness. Tons of ridiculousness. My favorite show. This is not a joke. You worked on ridiculousness? Six years. I wrote a story about this, about how it's the greatest show, and MTV is really over-indexed on it to the point where it succeeds. Tell me about Chanel West Coast. Would you guys used to hang, or is there a relationship there? Definitely tried to hang.

22:56-25:03

Chanel, Chanel, any plans this weekend? I remember this one time. It was like right after. She'd gotten in some kind of altercation in L.A. or Miami or wherever. Yeah, she is known. Not known, but she has gotten into multiple late-night altercations at nightclubs. She's the queen of spending the night in jail? Yeah, she's the queen bee of spending the night in jail. So anyway, she got in some kind of altercation, and we were shooting an episode. at the trl studios in manhattan and um i saw her in front of the hotel we were staying at the london in midtown and um i was like what's up chanel and i didn't realize that that she was like wearing like a hood to hide from paparazzi and so when i said what's up chanel i alerted the paparazzi that that was where she was She must have called them herself. I don't know if New York paparazzi is waiting. Well, maybe she was being hounded by the paparazzi because she had just gotten into a tiff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was Stilo Brim, he seems like he's about his business. Stilo is cool. Oh, we know, Andy. We know. He's making a lot of money. I think he's diversified quite a lot as well. Yeah, Stilo's a smart businessman. He runs with a good crew. He's best friends with Michael B. Jordan and people. Oh, shit. He keeps good company. I think he's expanding into, I think he might be doing music from what I can tell. With a name like SteeLo Brim, you're telling me? You think there's a small chance that SteeLo Brim is in the studio right now, maybe working on some beef? I bet he can get a Chanel collab. I bet he can get that feature if he wants it. Chanel has gotten some decent features. I don't necessarily listen to her music on Tidal, but I do know that she's no bad baby. No, she's no bad baby. She's definitely gotten a Snoop Dogg verse. Oh, yeah, for sure. Maybe Wiz Khalifa in his early days. I think both.

25:03-27:05

Snoop definitely hit, just to see what it's like. Oh, Snoop definitely hit. Well, if you have any connections there still, I would love to kind of... see if there's room for me on the staff yeah because like that like the bravo watch what happens live where like the guest comes on and is the bartender chris wants to do that but for ridiculousness whatever that may be i don't i've never i haven't watched that much so i don't know how that's going to fit in i can talk to the producers i can i can see if they have space i mean they're they're pumping out so many episodes that's what i'm saying that's yeah they might have to fit you in between like um a child tiktoker and a travis pastrana but Luckily for them and for you, that's kind of where I fall. I'm kind of the happy medium between those two things. Did you get a lot of FaceTime with Rob, or was Rob busy launching yet another energy drink or whatever? If Andy's sitting down, he can get FaceTime with Rob. Rob's interesting because he's all about his paper. No, he's an investment. He has a VC. That's his thing. Yeah, he has a show with – he had a TV show for a while with whoever that won the bald VC guy that had a TV show, like The Profit. Yeah, I know The Profit. The bald from Shark Tank? No, The Profit was a CNBC vehicle, Jason. Great program. That's my bad one. So he's very into investing in, yes, startups, but also – Jewelry. Condos. Like, I don't know, there's a term for him. Like, multi... Slumlord? Multifamily dwellings? Yeah, that's where the big tax break comes in. So he's opening his own sty towns all over Redondo. Redondo. Where else are you going to put all that D.C. money, you know? Simi Valley. La Kenyatta. Andy, you miss L.A. so bad. Yeah, bro, you're dying to get on the flight. When you were out here a couple weeks ago...

27:05-29:10

Did it satiate you? I had to cancel that trip. I got a little writing work that required me to be in New York, so I had to cancel it. I'm coming out in May, though. But I was bummed to miss it because it was the Comedy Store's 50th anniversary. I bet there's some real heavy hitters in that room. Murderers, bro. There were probably murderers on that lineup. Andy was there. A murderer's row. Well, you were going to go out there for that. Pay your respects. Yeah, just pay my respects to the entire Shore family. We can throw Pauly on that list with Dan Harmon and all those other Hollywood types, you know, get to do whatever they want. Yeah, Pauly, he's Hollywood royalty. Pauly be touching, you know what I'm saying? He is Hollywood royalty. I don't know why exactly, but I like it for him. You know, I feel bad for some of these guys because with the advent of kind of the feminist slash Me Too movements, there became this thing where there was like it was also like they um they showcased like how creepy it was to date somebody if you have like a much larger power kind of influence so all these hollywood guys that were just you know it's all they had yeah that's all they had they had like they've met a girl at equinox offered to pay her rent and then And then they were set, you know, for a little while. Yeah, look, their looks had started to go just a bit. So it was kind of like, look, what I have is a G-Wagon and an American Express card. You don't have to worry about anything, sweetheart. So you just you skip coffee, you skip dinner and go straight to I will pay your monthly rent. Well, you definitely like. You powwow at the Earth Bar in the lobby, and then you're like... It's grab-and-go, self-serve right now, thanks to COVID. Jesus. The blenders are cold. How quickly do you think someone like Pauly is offering to pay rent? I don't think Pauly has enough money to really do those kinds of maneuvers. No, I think Pauly is filthy. Pauly's sitting on some bands? Pauly got bands? Pauly's family owns the comedy store, and so...

29:10-31:17

He's got that income. How much money does a comedy store make, though? I mean, just from a real estate perspective. They've launched the careers of all your favorites, Jason. That has to count for something. And the residual checks must be crazy. I mean, we're talking Encino Man. Biodome. We're talking Encino Man, etc. $30, $40 a month, all day. Yeah. $100 bill all day. So you said when you were out in L.A. before, when you were actually living here, you were smoking a lot of weed. Was that post-drinking? Yes. I quit drinking in 2010 kind of unceremoniously. I'd had like a real rough early 20s drinking and then had dabbled for a couple years and then quit. But then I started smoking weed. It just became like an all day, every day thing. And nobody will ever tell you not to do that in L.A. Like nobody. Hey, dude, you just slow down. You got to stop waking and baking. We invented waking and baking. You should try having Jason as your podcast partner. It makes things a little tough. Yeah, but he said he's a DJ, you know, like that's just a good point. That's that's a space where you will never be told not to get fucked up. Yeah. Waking and baking as a DJ. It's like, great. I woke up at noon. Yeah, it's already the afternoon. It's chill. I really thought it was like a less interesting... What's that Ben Stiller movie where he's the heroin junkie? Because I would wake up, wake and bake, run Silver Lake, jump in the pool, drive to the studio. Right. Dude, that's a sick-ass life so far. Why'd you fuck that up? What kind of car did you have? That's the only question because if it was a Honda Accord with Washington plates, I'm worried. That's interesting that you knew I'd have Washington plates. Look, we do a lot of research here on how long gone. She does her homework. She does her homework. I think at that time it was like a Jetta wagon. Not a Jetta. Not a Jetta. Not a Jetta. No, wagon. The Jetta is much like the Jeep Wrangler.

31:17-33:39

bamboozled into thinking those are nice cars. You know what I'm talking about, Andy. Yeah, but here's the thing. It was the TDI and I ran it on biodiesel. I forgot about the biodiesel phase of Silver Lake. So you were Silver Lake. Every single thing you could do in Silver Lake, you did. You had a biodiesel car. you ran the reservoir, and you hopped in the pool. Yep. You probably had a lot of coconut kale smoothies. Yep, and I would run up to, you know, I would maybe take a little lap up to Broom Street and get an oat milk latte. Not Broom Street. Oh, yeah. One of the most twisted businesses in L.A. is Broom Street because the product is so good and the clientele is so bad. You just described every place in L.A., though. But before I got writing jobs, that was... That was where I picked up shifts to make a little extra cash. It was real dark. What kind of barista are you? I'm not very good. I was more like I could make a few things, but then I'd go organize the Kinfolk magazines. Maybe sharpen up the Mavis toothpaste display. Steam the barber jackets that they have for some reason. There's some Filson briefcases that need dusting handy if you could go take care of that. That'd be great. You're a rock star. I'd be in there, and a comic that I knew but that owned a house near there would come in, and we'd be talking, and then they'd be like, why do you work here? And I'd be like, this is real bad. Did you ever try to pretend like you were also a customer there? It was hard from behind the counter, I'm sure. I'm sure that I might have postured that I was like an investor. You're just coming in to kick the tires, make sure everything's all good. They're teaching me how to use this machine. It was super expensive. So I kind of just wanted to know how it kind of ran. Look, I bought the thing. I better know how to use it. All right. There was a real funny experiment that I did, which was when I came back to New York, I was working like I used to work at a moving company. So I started picking up shifts there again because I was broke.

33:39-35:50

I was also on Raya, you know, so I was like the only mover, probably one of the only manual laborers on Raya. And I would match with a chick and then she'd be like, oh, what do you do? And I'd be like, oh, I'm a mover. And then just dead silence, completely conversation gone. And she's like, does that mean like a hustler? Like, are you like an entrepreneur? No, they would have loved that. I was like, no, I'm a mover. End of conversation. That's the new CNBC show, The Mover. It's not going quite as well, but I hope you mean that you sell cocaine. If I would tell them, I'd be like, oh, I'm moving like a piece. You know, like I'd be like, oh, I got this. I found a very nice Eames buffet and I resold it to somebody. So I'm just dropping that off. Immediately interested. Oh, my God, you're a craftsman. I got to get to know you. Hashtag mid-century modern. Okay. Yes. If I'm moving a house, disgusting. If I'm moving one Herman Miller chair, oh my God, panties wet. You got to show me the workroom. You've had a lot of cool jobs so far. I can't, I mean, what kind of, did you ever do any pizza stuff? I think right out of college. I did do some pizza stuff. Nothing that would make Jason's Instagram. Sure, sure. You're not Mother Wolf, but you tried. No. Yeah, I don't even think a wood fire oven was involved. I think we're talking conveyor belt status. But, you know, I've definitely done my fair share of craft services. Not craft services. What am I talking about? Hospitality. You know, I was a sous chef for a while. Back of house shawty. What's that? You were a back-of-house shawty? Yeah, exactly. Okay. Any restaurants of note, or was this more of like a local... 11 Madison. I didn't make it into any of the... James Beard was never near me. Okay, okay. Not a beard guy. Okay, that's cool, too. I love beard. I think all of my jobs have been very similar in that they've been unnotable. I worked at some hedge funds.

35:50-38:12

That was pre-comedy or the beginning of comedy. Doing what? The fuck are you doing at a hedge fund? Cleaning the shitter? No, just administrative stuff. Moving some papers around. Doing some numbers. I was actually listening to your podcast recently and you were mentioning you do your podcast with your wife, correct? Yes. Don't sound too excited. My wife, Rosebud Baker, SNL writer, co-star of Life After Beth, many notable. Oh, she's on Life After Beth. I haven't seen that show yet. Oh, that came on after the WeWork show ended the other day. I was listening to the pod and you were mentioning about you had a moment where you're like, maybe I need to just get a real job, like a regular nine to five. Like you were yearning to move away from, I forgot what word you used. Mercenary. Mercenary. Yeah. Move away from the mercenary lifestyle and into something with some more. solid regimented schedule and hours. Yes. And that's like a feeling that I felt before my brother has worked in, in restaurants his whole life. And he's in that same boat right now. I'm just like, I, I just want to like go to a place every day at nine and go home at five every day and just have that stability. So how's the job hunt going right now? Touched up the old portfolio, you know, trying to get into that creative agency world, not giving up the dream. Just, you know, the road is, I think, I don't know if you can relate to this as a DJ, but with comedy, you practice comedy and you build comedy in a metropolitan area. And then you go everywhere with it. And half the time, it's like a real Carhartt F-150 audience. Yeah, I've experienced that with DJing for sure. It's so much easier because you just have like a thousand songs on your USB sick or every song ever made on your laptop if you're playing with your laptop. So if they don't like what you're doing and you're in the middle of Boise or Edmonton and it's sucking ass, you can just play some popular music for an hour and go home. Yeah. But, you know, like when Chris and I went on our tour last year, it was the same kind of vibe of like, well, you guys bought tickets to come see us. So you kind of know what you're going to get. But some people.

38:12-40:32

in different parts of the world don't understand or appreciate what you're doing quite as much as a more metropolitan area. Yeah, a live podcast is a hard one because if you get anybody that shows up... like on a random you know just like oh what is this comedy or you know like yeah someone's friend brought a friend and they're like i'll check it out i feel like we won over a few of those there was a there's a couple parents that got brought there's a couple definitely people that were unfamiliar with the medium and definitely us you'll win a few over but there's also a lot of people a lot of arms folded in the front row type of shit and at that point it's like just go home like you don't have to be here as somebody who is um just you know professionally speaks both you guys have the gift of gab i'm quite entertained i'm i'm a fan of the pod i i listen thanks I've been listening for a while. That's great. We like that. Love to hear it, Andy. Thank you. I've been following your comedic work for a long time as well. I think we have a bunch of mutual friends. What do you guys think about... Wardell and all those guys? I think I want to turn to the kind of guy who gives money back if someone's having a bad time. Who does it? Has anyone ever done that? Ryan Adams used to do it in his prime, yeah. Really? Oh, Chris, by the way, really quick. There's a glare on your... screen or your camera i can't see i'm sorry that's the natural light coming in from um one of the well-placed windows i apologize no problem so so ryan adams used to like if somebody was not into it i i was at a show where he was like get the fuck out like somebody's heckling me he's like get the fuck out of here like i'll give you the 50 like leave like come up here he came up he's like come up here i'll give you the 50 and you can get the fuck out of here that's such a flex i love that i I definitely – I'll kick somebody out of a show. I love that. Because you can just, as long as the place has security to do it for you, or will you do it yourself? Yeah, I mean, being a former manual laborer, you know, just might have to roll up those sleeves and remove the person myself. No, you could easily do it yourself. He takes the dicky sleeves up slowly, removes the Rolex, and then he's ready to fight. He's ready to go. It's no problem. Exactly. So do you get some pleasure into it? I mean, sometimes someone's heckling so poorly and it's just ruining the show.

40:32-42:32

you gotta be like guys can we just get i mean we've we've passed the line now it's not cool anymore kind of thing there's definitely a vibe to a person that's going to get kicked out of a show like if they're trying to there's some people who just want to like they think they're adding to the show and so they're chiming in and that's a very like you know good intentions kind of heckler dude i used to do that you used to do that yeah i used to i used to go to M-Bar shows in Largo in like 2001, 2000, as like a little shithead, like not even old enough to get in. And I would heckle all the greats. What are the greats? The greats? I mean, you know, Galifianakis, Patton Oswalt, Bob O'Hara. You're haunting Marc Maron's dreams right now. Oh, Marc definitely hates me for sure. We're coming for Maron in a polite way. We want him to come on the show so we can ask him all the dumb questions he asks people. He's yet to respond. Silverman, Cross, all these people. Paul F. Tompkins. Not Paul F. Now I see all these people around town and they give me a little, they give me a scowl. Damn. But yeah, looking back now, I'm mortified by the fact that I would just be like 19, blacked out drunk and yelling like something terrible at a person who's about to be a world famous comedian. Jason thinks that he would be like a crowd work expert. I wouldn't use the word expert, but better than the average Joe off the street for sure. I'm not the king of sting, but you know, a Duke. oh god he's getting into the earl of swirl yeah he's getting to the monarchy now i'm worried i'll swirl you well i will say i will say this like as a comic somebody who's poured my life into you know dedicated the majority of my adult life to comedy um it is not uh

42:32-44:47

special thank you somebody needs to say it like there's definitely people that have a gift for comedy but um i think both you guys could have successful stand-up comedy careers if you wanted to dedicate your time to it it is not a mystery even chris no not chris i think that the the honestly podcasting has ruined comedy in it's in some ways because it's romanticized it so much i i think tiktok has ruined comedy more than podcasts yeah probably the meme more than anything just like the memification of comedy or or just memes in general because people are like why do i want to watch an hour-long special when don't don't come for me don't come for the simple-minded but i mean i just i hate that every comedian now has to make a tiktok highlight clip of them like roasting a guy in the crowd and like that's that's the only thing you see is just a tick tock of a guy there's for real there's for real a guy who is an la comic i can send you guys this account just so you can know officially who it is but he's like okay 1.2 million followers or something like that and all of his clips are in his bedroom and um he's editing in audience and manipulating it to sound like it's a room what yeah yeah it's it's insane well is he funny though no you can be an amazing stand-up comedian and never do a live show ever now you could practice in your bedroom and become the best stand-up comedian of all time without ever having done it in front of an audience is that possible now in 2020 yeah i mean i think there will be one of those soon there's going to be a generation of comics that just tell jokes you know camera held up you know with a little bit of a whatever like some some bold typing at the bottom of the screen yeah but this guy is not that this guy is um this guy is on the first watch you're like oh he's he's doing well at a show but then if you actually listen to jokes you're like that joke didn't make sense that's like a like nobody would have laughed at that like that's a you know the amount of laughter does not coincide with the with the quality of the joke

44:47-47:07

Yeah. Do you think he makes do you think he makes a is this how he makes a living? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think he has a day job. I mean, he's got like a million something followers. So it's easy to get that branded content, you know, the ticket sales, because that's all it is now. Like all the comedy, unless you're on a TV show, that's, you know, getting some pretty good coverage or you have good representation. Any club booker is only going to just be looking at your socials. Right. I mean, that's kind of how it is for everything now, for bands as well. Yeah, exactly. A lot of times on our show when we have musicians, we will talk about, you know, like syncs, like commercials or private gigs or, you know, things like that where, you know, a band was going to get paid a bunch of money to have a song and some Raytheon ad or something like that or, you know, that we don't know about. And I know that comedians do a lot of private gigs and corporates as well. You have any – Well, this is a little bit of – my wife did do a private roast for like a billionaire, like a San Diego billionaire. A San Diego billionaire? Yeah, I was there in attendance, and this guy had like a full-on Comedy Central roast produced. So fire, so fire. I didn't know they had billionaires in San Diego. Yeah, it was a weird one. He was like a Greek. air or something and there was like a lot of it was like a little bit a little bit of like real housewives mixed with um kind of like international money laundering vibes uh that's what i kind of was envisioning was it on the water at least i think it was in like irvine city center which is you know well irvine spectrum adjacent but he was like he looked He looked like he's being kept alive with vitamins and blood transfusions. And he's like, yes, roast me, queen, roast me. Yeah, all of his stories that his friends were sharing were things that you were like, there's probably a police report filled out about that. They were like, he assaulted a server at a nice hotel. And they were like, boy, did we have a crazy one that night. We had to roll that housekeeper up in a rug.

47:07-49:35

Throw her in the river that one time. You're the craziest. Exactly. And Levi Strauss, or what's that guy from the hotel in Manhattan? I forget. The guy that died at Soho House? No, the dude that got convicted of assault in Manhattan. Oh, Gerard Depardieu. Yes, exactly. Glad we got that. But anyways, afterwards, after the thing, my wife introduced me. There was like a meet and greet. There was a couple of celebrities that they'd also hired to be on the dais. And we were all like sitting there and, you know, just like full on just bespoke Italian suit, just fake tan, fake teeth, you know. And he she very you know, she goes, oh, this is my husband. And I shake his hand and then he turns to her and without any hesitation goes, you know, we could go get a hotel room right now. And I was just like, I got to actually respect that. No, that's too good. That's too good. Hopefully she got a nice paycheck for that one. She got a big one. Yeah, it was definitely worth it. And then she did not know anything about this person and was given information. Yeah, they gave her material and then she punched it up, basically. Yeah, she got a little biography and then there was some phone calls. But there was also definitely some like, hey, don't bring this up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're going to Google this guy, and there's going to be some things. Don't bring that up. We're going to redline this one. Super funny, though. The Blood Diamond thing is not funny necessarily, so if you could just kind of throw around that. The third paragraph, none of that has been confirmed. Yeah, that's all hearsay. The Theranos investment, it was not his choice. That was the board. He was part of a group. He was part of a group that invested. And you're not getting... corporates or privates as much as your wife is do you work a little too blue a little too dark what do you think no i just i i i've done the corporates and i've done you know like i mean every college is essentially a corporate and uh thanks biden all of those things tend to be kind of like star fuckery or clean you know like either they know you and it's worth the fact that you're gonna say something completely against any kind of hr guidelines or um you're doing like a clean kind of

49:35-51:47

There's comics that nobody will ever hear about that work an entire circuit of corporates, and they know they're going to get 20K to play the plumber's union of Milwaukee, so they got an act catered to the IBEW 730s holiday dinner. That's going to be 15 on washers alone. But isn't the idea that... you're making so much money for this and nobody knows about it that it's worth your time to do an act that you don't love or a clean version of it? I mean, I guess some people do that. It's not something I pursued or has pursued me. My main two things have been stand-up slash... writing for television those are kind of like what i prefer to do acting if it you know comes my way it's always fun to get treated like an actor um you know the trailer the little person that like walks you from the trailer to the food tent your heart is a rock when that's going down i am completely torqued when i'm getting brought up What's Andy's 20? We got eyes on Andy? Yeah, I'm looking to get into some under fives myself. I wouldn't say campaigning, but I'm putting feelers out there to let people know that... you know i'm available and i'm using this book the secret to put it out there that i would also like to do that and i'm looking for some over fives i recommend the untethered soul too as well i think that that's you know they can leave this a manifestation i'll take that i'll take that one on then chris i'm sure you have some followers in the worlds of like the annie hamiltons and the rachel sennets And he can't get a gig either. Yeah, Rachel just announced this new movie that she's in that's got a lot of other celebrities in it. Marshawn Lynch. Yeah, celebrity Marshawn Lynch. All the greats are back together again. You know what? I'll talk to Rachel. I just think that there's a place for me. I'm kind of leaning on our friend Ryan O'Connell because he's in a position to do it. You know what I mean? Because it's usually his story.

51:47-53:58

So I want him to kind of – but where do the showrunners hang out? You know what I mean? Which shitty bar do I have to go to in Studio City to kind of link up with some showrunners? I think the showrunners hang out in their Pacific Palisades estates usually. Honestly, I think if you camped out at – what's that place right across from the Warner Brothers lot that's kind of like an old – Shitty Steakhouse. Is it the Ranch House? The Smokehouse. The Smokehouse. The Smokehouse. You could definitely make some connects there. This is a deep Hollywood secret. Let's go. I'm really going to give you one right here. Don't you dare say Paquito Mas. No, no, no. No, no, no. If you make your way down to Craig's. Oh, I've heard of Craig's. I've been there before. I just think that that room might be too hot where I would get kind of lost. That's why you got to just, you know what I mean? You got to own the space, Chris. You got to show up down there. Okay. You know, maybe like swag it out a little bit. Where's something that's going to get Ryan Felipe? Something a little flashier, Chris. Ryan Felipe comes up and he goes, wow, oh my God, are those bodega edition, you know, 990s? And then you're like, yeah, I actually know the ACD over there. not not i know no i mean and ryan philippe he can get you in anything nowadays he runs this town at this point hey he's he's busy being a look that guy's a dad he's got an 18 year old and he still looks better than all three of us it's really incredible 18 year old i think so the the daughter that looks just like reese witherspoon i believe is like 17 or 18 and he's the dad yeah i mean it's got to be around that That long ago that they were, you know. A couple. I'm like one degree removed from the Felipe or Philippe. I'm not sure if I'm saying it right. The Ryan Philippe slash Reese Witherspoon break. Because on one of the multicamps I wrote for, the mother of his love child was our, she was our hottie. You know, she was like our. She was the show's hottie. She was the show's hottie. Couldn't land a joke if we would have brought it in with, you know.

53:58-56:19

like the autopilot uh she just you know that's not her purpose that yeah that's not her she looks nice on camera but she was hot she was a smoke show dude and um i smoked her out i smoked her out for a solid year you know like a solid year of just being like Can I come over? How much money did you spend on weed for her? It's got to be in the hundreds. I mean, there was a couple girls that had free Andy weed subscriptions based on. And then at the end of it, where is it like, where am I hug at? Is that kind of where you would land on it? You got to pay to play in this town? I think it was more petulant. I think it was more like, what? Definitely, like, pulled the, like, you're dating that dude and you won't give me any shine? Like, come on. Yeah, the ladies love it when you say stuff like that. They loved it. They loved it. Where am I hug at? Gets me every time. I didn't know. It must be tough for Ryan Felipe because he is, he just, I mean. To get divorced from Reese Witherspoon, and Reese Witherspoon is like one of the top of the top. I mean, she's A-list. Yeah, I mean, imagine if one of you guys saw one of your exes get into the crypto game that deep, you know? Tear me up inside. Yeah, I would be more upset if my ex was really, she had a... southern-leaning clothing brand named Draper James, and they had multiple locations, that would really send me off the defense. Yeah, imagine you go into Target, and you're just trying to get some LaCroix, but you see an entire home organization campaign based on your ex. Yeah, you see a towel basket. Devastating. No, the money's different at that stage. The money's different. Yeah, I think he's actually, I mean, he might even... Of course, not publicly disclosed, but he might have been the alimony recipient in that breakup. See, we've got to change that. We need to make it acceptable for men to get alimony. I'm leading the charge. That's how I feel, too. I'm married into a political dynasty, and so I'm hoping that we can feminize the alimony giving. So do they try to kind of keep a close lid on you? Are you a little bit of a...

56:19-58:21

Wild card for the family, or are they okay with it? I think my wife is actually the wild card. My wife's grandfather is James Baker, the former Secretary of State. Let's go. I get some postcards that everybody's praying for abortion to stop. So is it kind of like an Ella Emhoff vibe with the Secret Service and the security details and things like that when you guys go out to dinner or anything like that? No Secret Service, but I've definitely gone to Gibson Island in the Chesapeake Bay to have a weekend with the father-in-law and some heads of banks and some sitting... senators are are there with the father-in-law does your father-in-law show you respect or is he kind of like this twerp we have a good relationship but he definitely does not respect me i think that's how i would i would describe all the relationships of my partner's dads in my entire life i mean we're talking about the guy that um you know i think he like officially uh He was part of the law team that got Azerbaijani oil through the Caspian Sea. You're like, bro, but you've seen TBS, right? Characters are welcome. You've seen that. Listen, Comedy Central lives on YouTube now. It's not that they relegated me. They chose. It's a different thing. They make more money this way. It's a new world. Yeah, exactly. And he couldn't be bothered. I had a funny, it's just such a, I'm from like Seattle, like very Subaru granola people, you know, very sensitive. We had a great live show in Seattle, by the way. San Francisco, not so great. Seattle was a great comedy town for us. Yeah, Seattle's a good town. They're good sports. But I was at a dinner with my wife and her sister-in-law and my father, or my wife, her sister,

58:21-1:00:40

my father-in-law and my wife left to go do a show so it's just the three of us and some like old drama started bubbling up between the sister and my father-in-law and it was like old drama it was straight up succession level indifference you know logan roy just like a logan roy vibe and i'm just sitting there fuck off yeah i'm just sitting there just like you know like i'm definitely siding with the sister but i'm not sure i'm not saying anything taking a lot of bathroom breaks another bitters and soda for you stuff like that exactly just going like um well she stormed off and so i'm sitting there going like man that was crazy how many times do you say that's crazy women am i right old timer exactly so you're well let's talk about your special really quick because we're As we're closing things out, you recorded it in San Francisco, is that correct? I did it at the Punchline, right there in the empty financial district that once was thriving. What's up with comedy albums nowadays? How do they exist? Or are they kind of on the way out because of YouTube and all their other forms of video? Yeah, I mean, you want to get rotations, you know, you want to get... like the satellite radio plays, and then you want to get Spotify, et cetera. But I think comedy really exists in two places now. It's clipped up in social media, and then it's a podcast. Those are the two places. And then that's the two things that seem to sell tickets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's so many comedy podcasts that are just not funny anymore, man. I know. I'm always on the hunt, yearning for a podcast that actually makes you LOL, and I feel like it used to happen a lot more, and now not so much. Podcasts have become a grind for people and not an enjoyment anymore. When Bill Burr had kids, everything changed, man. I agree with you. That was the end of an era. That was the end of an era. I just don't like it when people treat the pod as a chore that they have to do to keep the machine running kind of thing.

1:00:40-1:02:55

A fun thing? Yeah, no, you're right. You're right. I agree. That's why I don't listen to podcasts. You should try it. You don't listen to any? Not really. I mean, at this point, I don't really. I mean, I listen to a little bit of Joe Budden and a little bit of Charlemagne the God. Oh, wow. But I would say I hate Charlemagne. I hate Andrew Schultz and Charlemagne, but I listen to it for some reason. Joe Budden is a master of the craft. Deadass, he's a master of the craft. He's so good at it. He's one of the most low-key trolls. He's good at creating controversy and also just commentary. His co-hosts are literally nobodies. It's like guys who do construction in New Jersey. I love that. It's incredible. But he knows talent. Yeah, they can talk shit. They're good, and the fans like them. So it's like, you know, why not? That's a weird thing about the tri-state area. Something about the culture here. No, it's true. It's true. You can literally go to a bodega in Queens. bridge and just like that guy's going to be way more entertaining than like a juilliard grad like you yeah no for sure yeah that that i do think there's some of that in the south where i'm from as well but that definitely is a tri-state area thing yeah i listen to a podcast that these guys are like um they're like worker organizers in um West Virginia, like they're just like, kind of like a Chapo Trap House adjacent, you know, like Bernie-centric kind of, but I don't even think I can. In West Virginia. Yeah, I don't care. Eastern Kentucky, West Virginia, but I don't even care. You didn't even know they had Wi-Fi there. No, yeah, it's new. Elon Musk dropped some of those, whatever it was. He's such a sweet guy. It's so nice of him to do that. Okay. So this is a podcast that you do actually listen to? Yeah, the Trillbillies. I mean, it's not one of my tops. Oh, okay. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. I like the guys. But I think half of it is just hearing them talk because they're so funny. The colloquialisms, the drawl. They'll be talking about organizing coal workers in some fucking part of West Virginia.

1:02:55-1:04:57

But they're just such funny dirtbags that I'm just like, all right, I'm along for the ride. Like to just be a fly on this wall. Which part of the south are you from, Chris? I'm from Atlanta. Oh, okay. That's a little more. It's quite metropolitan, actually. We don't have a lot of organizing, except organized noise, of course, I'm sure you're familiar with. Of course, of course. There's not a lot of coal or anything going down there. Did you go to a lot of cotillions in high school? I did go to a cotillion. Yeah, that's right. I know how to do kind of a – Really? Yeah, I know. I do like a – That's how you know about the salad fork and all that? That's how I know about the forks. I know a class – But you still hold the fork like this? No, you hold your fork like that. I would never. And then I also know a few basic dance steps, the box. Step, you know, some simple classics. Of course. Just in case, you know, someone's mother wants to take me for a spin. Yeah, yeah. You know, at a wedding. I mean, you still have to go home for a wedding. Yeah. Yeah, I'm prepared for that. So, yeah, I did. And I was in middle school, though, I think. I think I was like 13. Did you make it out to Savannah for some lawn bowling tournaments? Maybe like a little. No, no, no. I'm only, my attitude is quite rich. Yeah. My upbringing was more middle class. Same with me. That's that's very much. I lived in a neighborhood in Seattle that, you know, Seattle has seven hills and each hill, the top of each hill. And they're pretty significant. A couple hundred feet of elevation. Nothing to sneeze at. Yeah, exactly. Thank you for that. Yeah, is is like an affluent neighborhood for the most part. But if you're in the center of the top of the hill, you don't have the view. And that's where my middle class ass lived. But if you go to the edge of the hill, that's where, like, you know, you got your tech millionaires, your early Microsoft investors. Grade zone, bad view. I get it. I'm more of a top of the hill guy now. But, you know, I had to trudge my way up there from the middle. Yeah, I follow your aesthetic. I've seen the evolution of Chris.

1:04:57-1:07:12

I appreciate that. Luckily, we're still evolving, I think is what you're supposed to say. Constantly. Yeah, we're constantly evolving. And hopefully that leads to monetary gain. Yeah. Because otherwise, what's the point? Yeah, exactly. And if you need a copywriter, I do have a portfolio. That's kind of what this is about. I didn't mean to save it until the end, but I can send it over or whatever. Just let me know. Great, great. I appreciate that. Hey, no problem. I said Jason. I feel like Chris probably... is looking for a copywriter and some, you know, he knows people down in the Soho area, creative agencies. And he said, why don't you do the pod? Why don't you do the pod as like a little inner interview? You know, he knows people in the Soho area. That's how much of a phony I am. I'm like, you know. There's some people down there in the Soho area that I believe are looking for help. So if you want to just kind of, you know. We know Sweetgreen as well. They always make new emails. And we've got to get a copy going for those pretty soon. Yeah, there's new ingredients seasonally. So there's a lot of work that goes into that. The Juice Press at Equinox Soho. is they're sending out, they got a campaign for like a 15% off for members and they kind of wanted to kind of like a spring themed language. So, you know, if we can get in there, big cinematic. We want this to feel kind of like sweeping, you know, big, big, bigger than Soho, if that's possible. That's the line, bigger than Soho. Look, I do this for free. I give this away for free. Make sure you check out Equinox. They're a great jam. Love those guys. Shout out to you, Equinox. Here at Equinox, we're going for a Lower East Side Patti Smith, you know, Ramones slash, you know. If Patti Smith was fucking brolic as fuck, that's kind of the vibe. We just want to have fun here at Aloe Yoga, you know, and so we're doing a Basquiat theme. Basquiat, I've seen him. Before he passed, that guy could plank for, I don't know, 10 minutes easy. Basquiat, you know, the thing they don't tell you about heroin is it does let you plank longer because you just kind of zone out. You got kind of stiffened up. Yeah. Basquiat X Orange Theory. I love it.

1:07:13-1:09:13

So that Namastizzle and Brooklyn, we flow hard. That was you, Andy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Oh, and you'll see that kind of on page one of his CV. Yeah, he's low-key saying his wife is a breadwinner, but I know for a fact, Brooklyn, we flow hard. That's a few slices of bread. I actually, I was the first person ever to make, are you going to leave yoga class? And I said, namaste. You know? How have I not heard that terrible joke before? That was me. That's good. Look, that's lifelong. That's Steve Jobs level stuff right there. I love jokes where the setup is a question that no one has ever asked before, but it still works. Hey, are you going to leave yoga class? What? No one's ever said it, but it's plausible enough. And then the punchline makes it all okay. I believed it to a point. A joke set up that is very clearly AI inspired. That's where we're going. Check me out on TikTok. I have 1.2 million followers. Jason edits all my videos, kind of throws in the laughter. Sick. That's great. Andy, thank you for joining us. Yeah, thanks for having me, guys. Yes, Andy, thank you. Our pleasure. Our pleasure. Make sure you check out. His new stand-up special on YouTube, The Coward of Gramercy. Yeah, The Coward of Gramercy. That's me. I like that. I like that a lot. Very funny. The opening segment has a good joke involving suicide. Oh, I love that. Kind of really like a cinematic sweeping kind of like Soho vibe, you know. It moved me. Exactly. Thank you. Where can they follow you on social media? Just so we can let them know. I'm at I'm Andy Haynes. Bingo. I love that white boy name. All right. Thank you, Andy. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it. You're a crazy white boy, Andy. We love you. Thanks, guys.

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