401. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Good to hear from you bitch. That sounds like a Kanye West style message. Is that safe to say? The coolest thing he's ever done is say, good to hear from you, bitch, responding to a text message. But this is how long gone Moto Mammy TJ in the building. Jason pushed this recording back a few minutes because I think he's feeling a little under the weather after maybe some drugs and alcohol last night at the... rosalia concert at the beautiful youtube theater i was in fact being a moto mommy uh guilty as charged you were you were throwing it up for the 51 year old white dudes who still haven't come out yet and i was with all my girls and my gays beautiful youtube theater oh let me tell you something the pavement crowd i could eat dinner off the floor there it was pristine the pavement crowd was not 51 year old and gay they were 48 years old, work in a record store, and have never had sex with a woman or a man. I just want to make that. I just want to make that. Okay, so they put the incel in indie music is what you're saying. But I will say it was also at a new venue. I saw Father John Misty and Pavement back-to-back at a new venue called The Eastern that also I could have eaten a locally sourced hot dog off the floor of their beautiful venue. Okay, that's great. That's wonderful. When you say back-to-back, do you mean like

like one day after another or it was literally the same night no no no one day after it wasn't a double header okay friday night father john misty saturday night pavement i know you didn't think it was possible but i think i've reached peak whiteness yeah um and i'm gonna have to kind of dial it back this week you you need to diversify your bonds just a little bit more musically speaking but i'm sure a lot of you know a lot of people were there to enjoy those uh nap time style music bands father john misty is the best best live show i've seen in a very long time like i was truly blown away like he's got the full horn section i was like damn this motherfucker's in his prime Like he was killing. Nothing says old white guy like the horn section. Just really rounds it out, that brass coming in nice. It's a nice full sound, like a Seth MacFarlane kind of style, like groovy, like 40s band. If you're going to have five tour buses, it better be with guys that have been playing the oboe since 65. I don't need dancers and all this other bullshit. You know what I mean? I just need... just great players just and sometimes it's tough it's tough to find those but i want to hear about rosalia um because i saw a lot of my so a friend of mine mitch ryan is is doing like he's like the videos you see on the screen yeah he's doing that like he's the director oh and give mitch the fucking egot bro mitch killed it mitch is killing and i and a bunch of my so a bunch of people i knew were at the show partly People like you, thanks to our friends over at Columbia Records, and also friends of Mitch's as well. So there's a lot of grosalia on my timeline. And also every hot person in LA was there. I imagine that, but how were the seats? It looked like you were centered right in front of the sound booth, 50-yard line. I was good. I was probably in the second best section. There was the floor seats where it's just standing room floor people, and that's kind of where the super fans go, because the industry people don't want to be standing. there getting like cried on and people holding signs and stuff like that like come to brazil ja ja ja type of shit and like people who work at pack sun like having seizures because rosalie is there but uh i drove here all the way from garden grove and my mom's honda and i'm gonna fucking die tonight more or less same vibe but so while we were kind of in the industry section of all the people who weren't famous enough to like

be able to park in the separate cool guy section but we we did we did have to we did we did get tickets for free so it was nice but yeah it was like it was like the first middle section right behind the floor and so the seats were amazing but at the youtube theater over there in inglewood there's no such thing as a bad seat i think they finally figured out you know after a hundred years of live music you know they finally figured out how to design a proper venue where people can see. And there's still, of course, a little bit of hierarchy. Like at the Eastern, there's like a mezzanine level. It's just, you know, a little better. It's not too much better, but it does require a wristband that I'm not sure if you can buy or you have to be blessed. Thank you to Kyle over there, our promoter friend here. He actually did the How Long Gone show. Oh, wow. Okay. They did Father John and Pavement. But, yeah, seeing from everywhere. is kind of crucial these days, I feel like. Yeah, and another trend I've noticed these days are shows that happen with no openers. Is this a thing that you have noticed? And I guess maybe this is more of a trend in the world of lower attention span demographics, whereas when you saw Pavement, there was probably one or two openers. But for this show... No, not a one. I was at Elmira. There was an opener. Suki Waterhouse opened for Father John. Suki. If you're Rosalia, who's going to open for you? Like a DJ maybe? Yeah, probably a DJ. I think it's a post-COVID thing just as much as the style or genre of music. If you're an old band and you've been playing and promoting shows for decades, it's just a thing that you do. That's how it works. And then young people were like, wait a minute, why? We're all here to see the headliner. We don't want to sit through the Venus X DJ set for 58 minutes or whatever is going to happen before Rosalia. Yeah, part of that is true, but I also think that Rosalia doesn't come from a scene.

You know what I mean? Like Rosalia would just be having someone open for her that she either knows and likes or labels like, I'm going to need you to take this person out. Whereas like band, you know what I mean? Like bands traditionally come from a world where like they support it. It's just a little bit of a different when you're like a pop star. that you can literally help your friend out and give them $5,000 a night if you want, or you can just opt not to do that, and you're still going to sell the same amount of tickets. It's a beautiful place to be. It is a beautiful place to be, but I guess you're right. She doesn't really have a posse or a new emerging artist that you want to showcase or something on your label. She's just like, I'm... You know, Jesus Christ herself dropped me on planet Earth maybe 30 years ago or so, and I'm just here to perform and entertain you guys. But, yeah, the no opener thing, it really, I think it is a COVID thing. I think people, they want to come to the concert that starts at 8. At 9 o'clock, they want to be back in their car, in their safe pod zone. And then they want to be back at home watching Friends on Netflix. And I think that's what it is. I don't think it has anything to do with COVID. I think it has to do with people being like, like artists being like, I can save money. No one actually cares about this. And if the show starts at nine and doors are at eight, people can actually have a meal beforehand, which is, I think, I think that personally that I really like that. I can go have a delicious burrito. See the Alex G crowd lining up outside like they're giving away tattered rags at the Goodwill while I enjoy some guacamole. While you enjoy your tattered burrito. Exactly. I show up at 8.30 over at the Eastern, and that's it. And then I'm home by 11 o'clock. I think that it's all these events and shows that start at 7. We all know that's dinner time. And even for me, someone who wants to eat at 5.30, I know that in a respectable society. dinner times at seven. So if you schedule, if you schedule the Linda Linda's at seven, I'm not going to see the Linda Linda's. I'm sorry. I'm not, I'm not going to, I'm not going to make it. Even though the Linda Linda's will do a better, will do a better job than the, than the lemon heads. Absolutely. But I'm not, I'm paying to see the Linda Linda's. The Linda's are, are, are they're getting, they're, they're being done a favor.

And I appreciate that, and I wish them all the success in the world. You're saying they're a diversity hire? That's pretty interesting. No, no, I'm saying that they're opening for bands that are much bigger than they are. Actually, they were pretty good, to be honest, but do they have any business playing for 2,000 people? Probably not. Industry plan. I love the dichotomy or the juxtaposition of both of our nights where you're over there, you drive the old truck. I mean, the old Camry down to the local neighborhood kind of mom and pa venue, having a little indie rock burrito, and then the kids. This isn't a mom and pop venue. I mean, if it happens in Georgia compared to me over at SoFi where, I don't know, the Super Bowl happens. That's true. It's a who's who of all the gays in maybe America. Can we do a roll call of people you ran into, or did you not see anybody you knew? No, you just felt it. There was a lot of people who I recognized from Instagram, but don't know personally. They did some waving. So you're saying you saw a lot of Instagram baddies and gay guys that you don't know at the show last night. Correct. I don't know personally. Okay, sure. They know you, though, maybe. Oh, for sure. Sure, and also my explore page knows them. quite well as well okay so you're you're acquainted with him through your explore page and i'm sure i would like to also talk about because you know my outfit as you can imagine for pavement the only thing i was you know every guy in there had on a mesh hat even on stage which was a little bit of a but i don't like when guys wear hats on stage and he had it all even though i mean i'm sure the the horn section zoot suit guys had to pair a little something up with those wingtips and everything right no no no no hats on stage that's a that's a rule for anyone it doesn't you can't I can't rock with a hat on. If Stephen Malcolm has had a hat on, that doesn't work for me. I guess maybe unless it's an outdoor stage with no covering and you have to protect your head. This is an interesting stipulation for you, Chris. I like it. Think about it. I didn't notice about you. When has anyone with a guitar ever looked cool with a hat on? I got one answer for you, Chris. Country music, you fucking dumbass. Morgan Wallen hasn't hit the stage without a hat on, you idiot. I don't actually know if Morgan wears a hat.

I don't know if he's like... Okay, okay. We don't have to say Morgan Wallen. We could say every... Every, yeah. Or any and every country music artist. Yeah, but they... Male. But what I'm saying to you is the country... Male identifying. The country male identifying artists don't look cool. They sound good. The songs are good, but they don't look cool. They just have a hat on. Bro, have you seen Johnny Cash play at a fucking jail, bro? He had the triple black Stetson on. Heads in got these. His Stetson was motherfucking steamed right before he touched the stage. He had the steamed Stetson. He had the brown jowns on. I don't even know how he got those. How you got these? But I want to ask because Rosalia, unlike Pavement, Rosalia inspires a certain kind of dressing. Yes. I would say probably revealing. skin tight did you wear your skims on the outside last night or did you opt for something a little more loose and tjs i didn't i didn't do the skims because i needed to breathe in the armpit area so i had i had like well it was custom but it was kind of like a coat jacket it was more like a piece than anything i guess it's like um Maybe it's like a shawl meets football pads, but there was some custom stuff just so I could breathe in the pit. Sure, sure. The way I move, like my mobility is so bad that it sort of doesn't work with most garments. You can't have a high arm hole in your Tom Brown because the way that you move is too much. Yeah, so basically fashion-wise and scene report-wise, we don't really need to do a pavement. scene report or fashion wise is guys wearing Kirkland socks that their mom bought them. And they're older than us. But this was basically the Met Gala for Latinx gays who just found out that you can buy Fox Racing pants and jackets. So are you saying that there was an overarching Moto Mommy theme even amongst the crowd with their style? Oh, yeah. Every other person in the crowd was wearing some type of leather motorcycle jacket.

Or like the kind of motocross racing, like the Fox racing, bright colored, you know, like Travis Pastrana type vibe going on. Which is like a look that has been sort of around for a long time in, you know, certain circles. But Rosalia really kind of, that crowd catapulted it to the advanced Latinx basics. overwhelmed with the flavor like could you even kind of keep up or were you more just like feeling like a bystander versus participant well luckily since i'm bilingue bilingue bilingua okay but bilingua luckily since i speak i mean so she she addresses the crowd in spanish most of the time and then for more of the for the extra special messages that she wants to send to the crowd she'll do it in spanish and then she'll do it in English as well, kind of like when you're on an international flight or something like that. But her English is not the best. She definitely speaks fluent English quite well. Because you don't speak Spanish very well at all, so I just wanted to make sure you were understanding the messages. No, I would say my comprehension level was at about 40%, which I think is pretty good considering it was the type of Spanish that was not being spoken in a way that... we want to kind of slow down and let Whitey understand. It was full speed Spanish, letting it ride, cracking jokes. Well, in L.A., I mean, in L.A. Yeah, it's like seeing Morrissey in L.A. or whatever. You got to kind of show out for the homies, you know? Of course. For the foos, for the mommies gone wild. Yeah, so, yeah, I mean, the comprehension level was there. Every time I understood something that she said in Spanish, I definitely leaned over to Bay and whispered in her ear like, oh, she's... Making a joke about if anyone had a fake ID or something like that. That crazy Rosalia. Let me just tell you what she said. I took my badass chick to some foreign film and she doesn't speak French. I'm like, what Gaspar is trying to show here with this B-roll shot. I think the reason for Rosalia's global explosion to the top of the pop charts is that her music, although in...

performed in the spanish language the vibes are universal and i think that you know you know what i'm saying jason i think that that's kind of something i think maybe the vibes and the record label are universal yeah no i think that the um i mean look at look at fucking bad bunny selling out sofi stadium twice literally the biggest concert tour in the history of music you know and it's and it's very similar it's like no it's a primarily spanish-speaking artist making just fun cute music that's the key thing with rosalia and bad bunny they're just adorable people they're they're genuine when they smile it looks real they don't look like they've been like brainwashed by some fucking capital record psyop or something like that like they love music they're really talented and they're they're just adorable you know everything that they say is cute i think that they also I like that they don't try to do things in English. I think that makes it cooler. 1,000%. I think just being like, yo, bro, yo, I'm all set. You guys either like this or you don't, and I'm clearly doing something right. Not pandering, I think, in this situation really. It really works. It was cool to see because I felt like I was on the inside of a world that was very welcoming to me and was just like, hey, we prefer to conduct our business en espanol, and that's the way it's going to be. You can rock with us if you want to or not, and everyone's like 1,000%. We are rocking with you. This is awesome. I'm sure Duolingo downloads spiked last night in Inglewood. Inglewood. We're seeing a spike in Inglewood. Somebody check Polestar. I mean, me watching that show like halfway through the concert, I was like, damn, bro, I need to like, maybe I should download Duolingo and just kind of, I felt like I owed it to Rosalia to learn and learn Espanol and be fluente in case I ever run into her at Tenants of the Trees and she asked me a question and I need to answer it, you know?

Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app. using promo code howlong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy but, you know, still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. You know, they focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional.

as your competition, if not more. Head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This sounds like it was an overall great experience. Let's talk about the parking just quickly. What's the ticket looking like? Did they accept Apple Pay? How did it go? We hit the $40 lock. Okay, so you... classic cheap tj but continue well well i mean i think that was the that was the that was the first and most expensive parking option that i had as a civilian uh i think other people are allowed to park in other sections but you might have to like valet or something and it was it was obviously a shit yeah yeah that's too much that's too much i'm not gonna valet at that so 40 40 for a lot now is this lot on site was it was it a repurposed 7-eleven no this was i mean bro it's so far it's all it's a brand new like state-of-the-art parking lot shit was lit bro i went to i went to sofi and i paid 50 to park in a parking lot It was a 7-Eleven so I could avoid the traffic that was going through. There was so much more traffic even going into the stadium. I was like, you know what? I'm going to pay 50 large to this guy right now, and we're going to keep it pressing. It was a great parking lot vibe. The bootleg T-shirts were better than the official merch, which is almost always the case. Love that. The merch was a little phoned in. It was just like the Helvetica white font on the black hoodie that says, like, Rosalia Tour. 2022 Los Angeles, you know, like the make it as basic as possible aesthetic kind of vibe, which is just so terribly 2015. Well, I mean, I was there was no chicken teriyaki specific stuff. I did see one bootleg guy. It was a sleeveless T-shirt tank situation that he made. And it did say chicken teriyaki on it. I tried to get a photo of it, but. For a big fella, he was moving pretty quick up that aisle, and I wasn't able to get a clean hit. Those guys want to charge you for a photo. That's kind of where they're at on the hustler. You know what I mean? They're like, yeah, I'll give you the...

Shirts, 25, photos, 10, bro. What do you think? I mean, if I ask some random stranger, can I take a photo of your shirt? It's funny. And he's like, you have to Venmo me $20. Yeah, I'll probably do it. I'm like, you know what? I'll probably do it. I respect the hustle. Pavement merch is really good, actually. I get hard a little bit thinking about that. Pavement merch is really good. And they have this running hat that I was telling you about. They have like an athletic hat, which I thought is very funny because everyone in the audience was 30 pounds overweight. But I liked that. Quite a lot. I thought it was a cool move for them. I did purchase one. That is a cool move. For How Long Gone Research. Beyond live music this weekend, I've been spending some time not only with the television, but with some friends that you might understand over Bling Empire Season 3. Well, one last remark on the Rosalia concert, and then we'll get into your Bling Empire. Because Bling does not stand for jewelry anymore, Chris. Doesn't it stand for like... I forgot. Did you know, have you heard about this? They repurposed the word bling in Bling Empire because they felt that it was a little... It didn't fit the narrative that they were trying to achieve for Season 3 where the narratives for Seasons 1 and 2 were look at these god-awful rich people who are the worst people in the world and now they're trying to be less... insufferable so they they changed the bling into an acronym for like okay a little like a yolo style acronym about like positive hustle culture or something like that like okay okay okay this is how you inherit money from your dad's xerox company and buy fucking buy a live bobcat that's a good board that's a good idea um but yeah though the one cool interesting or the last cool interesting part about that show uh in addition to the way you know like the no openers and the blah blah blah and it was it was a concert that really felt like an experience with the projections with your friend filming and it was like the aziz show where they had spike jones filming it was the same vibe but couldn't even compare but the best part about it was they made um like at the youtube theater there's the the regular there's the floor seats then there's regular seats and there's the balcony seating

And then they made all the straight people sit in the balcony. And I was able to sort of work my way down to the front and get some better seats. But it was a cool policy that they set into place. That is a cool policy, yeah. If you're not going to fucking throw it back in a circle all night, you're going to have to sit down. That's kind of the penalty. And then it was just a bunch of straight guys, and they had those little kind of binoculars that you hold up to your eyes, like in the Victorian area. And you were allowed to sort of gaze upon them from afar. Like you're at the opera, but you can't get too close. It's kind of a different section. Precisely. That's good. Okay, so let's get back to that B. Ling Empire. I've got to look up what this acronym stands for while you're viewing it. So Bling Empire Season 3 is just, you know, there's a thing that they do now on television, and I'm starting to think they're doing it on purpose, where they make every single character bad. Like you don't have any, you don't root for anyone. Villains only. Villains only. Yeah, it's villains only. And not even necessarily villains in a... It would be like if I was not on this podcast. Yeah, exactly, exactly. But it's like everyone is awful in different ways, but none of them are necessarily mean or venomous. They're just insufferable in this way that allows it to continue for eight episodes. And maybe somebody, you know, watches those in one day. You know what I mean? Two days, maybe. Yeah, eight episodes in one day, no problem. I don't know, man. It's something else. This new style of, like, everyone is bad and you're still going to watch it, there's no hero, seems like a very modern thing that has only happened in the last couple years. And I'm trying to think of other examples, but this show is just, it's infected with this disease. Even the good guys or gals or thems. You end up doing some fucked up shit, right? But it's not even like fucked up shit. It's like you're either just like annoying or like insufferable or just like kind of boring. It's like there's no one that's like, oh, this guy is the life of the party and he's really funny. It's like the guy they think is the life of the party looks like his face looks like the marshmallow man from having so much fucking work done and he wears like Versace sneakers and he claims to have been in like a Fenty beauty campaign because Rihanna DMed him.

And it's like, but he's working on like real estate and he's also an actor, but it's just like, he's bad. He's like a bad guy and he's ugly. There's no, like, there's no one, you know what I mean? It's like, there used to be archetypes that these producers would just be like, all right, you're the hot one. You're the racist one. You're the hot buff one. Right. You're the smart. You're the level handed one. You're the responsible one. You're the voice of reason. You're the meth addict. The list goes on. And now there's no voices of reason whatsoever. And if there is a voice of reason, it's a very shrill, annoying voice. Bling Empire is literally just like, you Asian? You rich? All right, come on through. Do you think that these people on the Bling Empire, the limbs. Oh, by the way, I looked it up. Bling. Does not mean bling bling, fancy jewelry, expensive money. Okay. It stands for because life is not guaranteed. Oh, that's good, dude. That's so good. Holy shit. Sounds like a fucking NLE choppa mixtape. That's actually a sign my mom has in the home gym. So all these people who live in fucking Calabasas gated communities and have, you know, servants wash their asshole for them. This could all go away at any moment. Life is not guaranteed. They could slip on one of their Audemars straps and break their neck in the marble shower. They could accidentally swallow some Salt Bae's gold leaf on any given Wednesday. I was going to mention Salt Bae because there's a scene where one of the insufferable women whose lips look like pillows and her husband, who's like a mute doctor, go to dinner at Salt Bay's restaurant, and Mila Kunis approaches the table, and they're all friends. I think he's either her surgeon or they live in the same neighborhood. Oh, no. And Alex and I were both like, why would Mila Kunis allow this to happen? You're going to talk to these losers at Salt Bay's restaurant on camera.

You had to sign a release. I'll tell you why, Chris. Blackmail. They got something on her and they made her do this. That's possible. I wouldn't put it past the salt bay. I mean, Dr. Chu knows where the bodies are buried on her face. You know what I mean? And I think that's something that we didn't consider. But so the himbo of the show is this guy, Kevin. who's poor. He's like an adopted, he's adopted, he grew up in Pennsylvania, and he's like a loser who can't get laid, but he's like a former male model, but he's like got the worst hair I've ever seen. Just like when I moved to LA, I was kind of that same vibe. Exactly, same vibe. But the best scene of the whole season is he goes back to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Lancaster. This is a big step for me. I'm going to buy a car. I've never owned a car. My dad's a car dealer. My brother works with him. I'm going to go. So they show him go to the car dealership. His white dad and brother. I don't like where this is going at all. His white dad and brother just clearly hate him. You know what I mean? Like, there's no love lost. Hey, Hollywood. Yeah, exactly. He brings his gay. Come back to Lancaster to buy a Kia. He brings his gay. He brings gay cane with him. And obviously, so his dad's like, who's this, your fucking boyfriend? He's like, oh, I don't know which car to buy. He test drives like this ugly Mustang. And then he's like. He sees a white Tesla, and he's like, damn, this Tesla is money. I got to get this Tesla. So he buys – he's like – but he doesn't really know how to drive that well. It shows him kind of like trying to figure out how to drive. But he cops the Tesla. I mean cops – I'm using loosely. I didn't see any paperwork being signed, obviously, so this could have been for Hollywood. But it cuts to 10 minutes later, and it just shows the car totaled on the side of the street. He bought the – yeah, he bought the – they were like, They were driving to New York to meet his long-lost cousin. This motherfucker totaled the Tesla ten minutes after buying it. All right. Do you think that this car totaling was staged, or do you think it was an authentic crash? No, no, no. That's the fucked up part. Like, bro, the car was fucked up. Like, the car was, like, mangled, and he was shook. You could tell they were, like, shook.

And it was just, it's too good. It's too good to be fake. Because the show's so bad, and this being the best part of the show, this fucking dumbass totaling a car ten minutes after he bought it, it's too good to fake. I don't think that could be faked. It's too good. Am I going to be able to sit through the Bling Empire? I mean, I watched the first season, I think, and it was a tough slog of a hate watch. And I think I did, I do remember DMing the one guy, like the... The craziest. Probably Kane. I sent Kane a DM. I sent Kane a DM. Come on the pod. Challenge Kane. And Kane did not. He may have left me on red. Which is fun. We're doing a little better than we were. Kane, it's time to take a second look. These two guys you've never heard of. Kane is flipping houses now. He took one of his friends to a neighborhood called Eagle Rock that she'd never heard of. Are you serious? To show a full teardown property that he purchased. And while he was showing her this blown out house in Eagle Rock, he got a call from his agent about a movie where he's going to be playing himself. So let me just kind of... frame it for you that's how shit is Kane is fucking popping in Kane's apartment right which he's so rich but he lives in like a weird apartment somewhere in West Hollywood it the living room features kind of a retail style shoe shelving system that's backlit for him to display his collection that appeared on the prequel on i think it was season one or two no that's right but it was it was i mean look man i don't know it's just it's something that as as a person who loves that kind of television to see it devolve to this point makes me happy and sad right it's like uh watching some old time you know multi-music producer hear auto-tune for the first time. He's like, by God, they've done it. But also, what does this mean? But at what cost? What does this mean for society? What have I done? At what cost? Especially to your people, the Asian community, I think that the representation they're getting may not be the representation they want. Well, it gives us a bad name, you know? And that's, I think, why we are pushing that acronym rebrand so heavily. That's right. Give me the acronym one more time. Because life isn't...

Guaranteed. Or is not guaranteed, I should say. Life is not. Because life is not guaranteed. And that's what. Okay. Life is not guaranteed. A Maserati could run over your Gucci mule slipper at any moment. Anytime. You could get denied entry to a nightclub and it could put you. You could be down bad. They could not have your name on the resi at catch steak. In the blink of an eye, your life changes. It's all over. It's all over. But I also saw something else today that I want to discuss with you and just see where your head's at with it. Because I think this is something that is happening everywhere, but it seems predominant here in the South. I'm seeing a lot of Atlanta police officers with AirPods in on the job. I think everyone has AirPods in on the job. But I'm just thinking to myself, this isn't a job where you roll calls. You know what I mean? You've got to be present for it. It's kind of like once your shift is over, the job is over, unless you're doing private security at a strip club, of course. Why is that allowed? Why do I see a man with a gun and a body camera that can arrest me listening to a podcast in one ear? That seems crazy to me. He's listening to a Try Guys top 10 Taco Bell menu items. Try Guys eat the whole menu at Arby's. He's listening to that on one ear, and he's like, sir, do you know why I pulled you over? Oh, fuck. Crunchwrap Supreme number three. I wouldn't say that. These guys are funny. No, I mean, you see it everywhere. I think what it is is, like, the labor force, they're sort of the balls in their court a little bit. It's a worker's market for now until Elon's robots replace us all. But, like, if you, like, it's so hard to find employees to work at fucking McDonald's or the mailman, like, every mailman, every UPS driver, every FedEx driver, every fast food worker. has an ear an air pod in i have a lot of questions how do you keep that charge going all day for your eight hour shift do you have backups how do you afford so many air pods um but i think it's like hey we can't find anyone to work at all so let's let them let's say like hey we have competitive wages signing bonuses and we will let you listen to

call her daddy while you're making french fries in the back or whatever it is you know what i mean it's just and i think they're just like yeah we're i'm just bored being a cop so i need to listen to fun stuff and i'm down with that i am not down with that no i'm down for it for somebody working at fucking tcby when i order a yogurt but i'm not yeah if you're washing dishes in the in the dish kit and you want to fucking listen to rogan i don't give a flying shit i'm not i'm not okay With a man with a gun who could shoot me. If your job depends on being alert and aware of your surroundings at any given moment because something could pop off and your life is constantly in danger, maybe let's turn the noise canceling off and start listening to the fucking... The sounds around you. I know that Marin had another great episode this week, but you've got to do that in your off time. Yeah, Officer, I don't care that Angel Olsen really opened up. I don't care, Officer. But also, this is a good thing for me, because me living in Glendale, Glendale PD, they don't play that. You know that, right, Chris? You're saying that the Glendale PD is... They keep these streets clean over here. Are you saying they're wearing Ray J's AirPods, or you're saying they don't wear AirPods at all? No, I'm saying that they do wear AirPods, but I'm saying they run a tight ship over here, and they're able to get the job done while also wearing their pods. Okay. This is a good thing for me as somebody who isn't a career criminal on the federal level, but I do small crimes on a day-to-day basis. Petty stuff. Petty crimes, moving violations. I'm running red lights. I'm running arrows. I'm doing California rolls at every stop sign. The more that cops listen to podcasts, the higher the chance that they are going to recognize me and my voice from how long gone. So I see a cop driving down the street in my neighborhood. They'll do a little double honk. TT, what's going on? What's good, big fella? Big country, I see you, brother. Stuff like that. But once they find out, I don't know if they...

I don't know if they're big fans of Death Cab or however they're going to discover our show. Sure. That John Early, I don't like gays, but I'll tell you what, he makes me laugh. The wife loves him, so we listen to him. I know that a lot of cops are super into figurative painting, so I think maybe that could be, you know. That Issy Wood slapped. I've been trying to get a hold of one of her pieces for a while now. Yeah, I called my guy down at Sotheby's. He didn't have shit for me. He said, good luck. If you can find one, let me know. Anywho, all that is to say, if that happens, I might need a lifeline at some point when they catch TJ doing something. You know when you're watching a movie and the cop's like, Yeah, John, we're going to have to bring you in this time. I'm sorry. You did a crime that was a little too much to give you the slap on the wrist and send you on your way. When I'm in that situation, I don't know what it's going to be. Extortion or somebody tries to fight me at a hookah lounge and I... put two in his leg whatever it could be and i need a j get i need to get out of jail free card mouthful out of mouthful of pineapple smoke this motherfucker put two in my leg yeah you know you've seen to catch a smuggler they see me at the at polish customs with the walkie and they'll pull that ear i might i might have to autograph someone's ear ear pod or something like that and That's what I'm hoping for. So all cops listen to How Long Gone. Actually, I heard a new country song today, actually, that kind of works in the same way. It's called Famous Friends, and it's by Chris Young and Kane Brown. And it talks about how in these big cities, you've never heard of my family. But in a small town, I got famous friends. My buddy Jason, he's the sheriff. He'll flash his lights but let me go. My boy Randy, he's a preacher. My girl Megan, she's been teacher of the year, I swear, for five years in a row. And that's kind of what you're – I see kind of what you're saying. You're saying like I may not be famous in the Big Apple or in Los Angeles proper, but in Glendale.

you know what i mean a cop will see me and he'll kind of just tip his hat and let me go because we went to high school together on a macro and micro level not unlike what kane kane brown was saying on that when he was really spitting he's really this motherfucker is spitting she's got bars i got friends in high places on these small town roads you know and that's something that we can kind of relate to because i think of glendale as a big it's a small town big city you know what i mean kind of situation whatever these rednecks need to tell themselves about why they're mad that They're not allowed to do cool stuff. You know what I mean? No, of course. Of course. Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk about this mid Lil Yachty song that is one minute long that every nerd on the Internet is pulling their dick out about. And I don't understand. I literally don't understand. It's a minute long snippet. And I do think the title is cool because he's talking about drinking lean, which would lead him to float to Poland, I believe is kind of. That's my understanding of the lyrics. I'm not a rap genius, obviously. But I just don't understand. I like Lil Yachty. I want him to win. I think he's very cool. And he has made music in the past that I've liked. I just can't understand why all these white nerds are so excited about a one-minute snippet of him kind of yodeling with autotune. Right. Is it because the lyrics are cool? Do I not get it? Is it a classic Chris doesn't get it? Or would you agree that the snippet is indeed mid? I was trying to pull up the lyrics exactly just to see. Okay, I took the walk to Poland. I took the walk to Poland. I took the walk to Poland. I took the walk to Poland. I've been fiending like I'm Keenan right around with the Kel Tech. Okay. So that's a Keenan and Kel reference. Instead of high-tech cough syrup, he's created Kel Tech. What if Kel Tech could be a weapon? I guess it could be a Tech 9 gun as well. A triple entendre. That's why Yachty stays winning. And it's nice. I mean, what else rhymes with fiending other than Keenan?

um SNL great Keenan Thompson the backbone of the show and I kind of agree with that great boy next sentence if you mean it baby girl do you mean it I've been leaning baby girl I've been leaning yeah parentheses walk few few few parentheses walk phone still ringing battling my demons fiending fiending hope you love me baby I hope you mean it so this is this is basically I guess a song about sneaking cough syrup to catch a smuggler's style across the border to Poland. I guess he had a show where some type of Russian mafia members who have 19-year-old children who have hot pink guns and are low-key Nazis paid him $500,000 to take a private jet to go do a show in someone's backyard, like Lil Brawny style. And he is addicted. to cough syrup, and it's making him, I guess, sort of miss his life partner at home. He wouldn't be the first person to have Codeine kind of make him get in his feelings. I've been there. I'm sure you have as well. Yeah, I was there for about five years. I think that the – I think that if – I want Lean to be back. Because there was a point where when Drake was on lean, music was better than it is now. That set a tone. And I think that we need, like, all this fentanyl is dangerous. We need prescription drugs back on the table. And I'm sure Yachty's only getting the finest walk. I'm sure he's not dealing with some aftermarket walk. Yeah, he's on his Morimoto shit. He's got top chef level walk. No, I mean, I agree with you. Music, especially the music of Drake's, was much better when he was addicted to powerful prescription sedatives and painkillers because Drake is the king of spazes, dweebs. Not to take words out of Lizzo's mouth. I can't believe she said that word, but he needed to be sedated.

You know when you see those little badass kids running around, those little three-year-old kids just screaming and knocking shit over? They need to be sedated. You put some orange Fanta in their cup that's got a little oomph in it, and suddenly these kids are pretty fucking cool. They're like, was it really? And they're just walking around like, hey, mom, I'm going to go take a bath. And you're like, all right, have fun, bro. So Drake needed to chill out. But the thing is, it is a little bit of at what cost. because the music is better. I don't care about anything else. When Harvey Weinstein was running Hollywood, the movies were better, right? Okay, chill, chill. But at what cost? But at what cost? Do you know what I mean? That is an unfair comparison. These gentlemen are choosing to ingest the walk, and that is the difference. The walk is not being forced upon them by a fat man with penis implants. It's just... It's literally their choice, and I think that it does lead to creative. I'm just saying good things can come from bad scenarios. Harvey Weinstein is a bad scenario. Being cripplingly addicted to cough syrup is a bad scenario. But amazing, beautiful, timeless, reverbed art. can be created from that. Reverbed art. And as long as you're willing to, you know, sacrifice your body, brain, and criminal record for that. Well, to all the white guys with a mad villain tattoo and a wall full of vinyl, keep your Air Forces crispy and keep rocking with that snippet, bro. It's all you. All my graphic designers, all my graphic designers with the big Apple monitor that costs 5K, you keep rocking with this little yachties. You know what I'm saying? You guys rock with that. So is it safe to say you're not allowed to officially rock with that song unless you do have a crippling addiction to cough syrup? Or not crippling, but you've danced with that devil before. Until you've known 11 days of constipation, you can't really be listening to that in your AirPod Maxes. I mean, it's a little bit like these nerds. It's just so nerdy. I don't know. The only people that get excited about a Lil Yachty snippet are white guys that work at ad agencies.

So, us. I saw a clip right before we started podcasting of a comedian named Ariel Elias who was performing a stand-up show. And she was like, do you guys have any questions? And someone said, did you vote for Biden? And she's like, what? Like, why are you asking me this? And she's like, did you vote for Biden? And she's like, why are you like, what? And she basically is like, I can tell you voted for Trump because no one wants you to talk and you won't stop, which is very funny, to the heckler. And then we think it's over, and then you see a full IPA hit the brick wall because it was hurled at the comedian after she made this joke about the heckler. The Draymond Green thing, he's duffing out his hater. We have this heckler trying to duff out the hater that they think is comedic. I just think we're seeing a move to duff out the haters. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying that remember where you heard this first. Okay, so you're seeing an emerging trend where people do my least favorite phrase of Gen Z, people who are, quote, waking up and choosing violence. Exactly, yeah. I mean, the Draymond Green thing, once again, it makes basketball interesting. And I just like to see a fellow podcaster of that stature kind of stand up to someone who's talking mess to him. And I hope that doesn't affect his Cadence 13 contract or whatever, but hopefully he'll be okay. It's going to affect some of his deal flow on a number of his... I know that our boys at Cash App wouldn't have been to Draymond. I mean, hopefully, I guess if you're a heckler at a stand-up show where you paid $37.

plus a two-drink minimum to see this person, and then you yell kind of an odd heckle asking somebody who they voted for as if that matters to whether or not they can tell a joke. If you then throw a glass bottle attempting to hit their head... I think, to be fair, I think it was a can. Not that that makes it any better. It was a can, but it was a high-altitude IPA, though, right? And that's a girthy... It's got some weight to it. Either way... you know, in the eyes of the law, throwing a can of beer or a bottle of beer or whatever at somebody's head could be considered attempted assault of some kind, right? You have to remember that the cop at the comedy cellar has fucking got his AirPods in listening to a fucking podcast. So he probably didn't catch this to begin with. Yeah, the security guard at the cellar, he definitely had an AirPod in and he was definitely listening to a different comedian. But also, you know, the Blue Lives Matter Punisher skull patch on his bulletproof vest right above his GoPro that's turned off. is also going to lead you to believe that he might be standing up for the heckler more than the stand-up. I just thought it was – she truly, like, eviscerated – like, her – the comedian's response to the heckle was very, very funny, like, legitimately funny. And I love that it just took long enough for the person to process that they got burned. And then they were like, you know what? Fuck this. I'm throwing my beer. I just really liked that it wasn't instantaneous. good enough where she had to let it sink in and get mad again and then throw the beer. I'll look at that video. I think it's cool. I think there needs to be some justice because if you are in a stand-up comedy concert, everyone has a nonverbal agreement of we're going to make fun of things. You might be offended. You might not. We're all going to live to fight another day. We're all laughing about our differences, and it's all good. As soon as you cross the line with physicality like that, I think that there should be a little bit more street justice. I think, oh, there should definitely be some street justice. Unfortunately, stand-up comedians are all pussies, so not much is going to happen. But, you know, if I was at that show and I was a fellow stand-up comedian, I, of course, would be Captain Save-A-Ho, stand-up for my female comedian allies.

I would get a couple bruisers in the stand-up world, just like you, you know, big fellas, and go find that person, hold them down, mafia style, and then let this female comedian take a couple licks, you know? Yeah, go Draymond mode at the cellar. Go Draymond mode. We don't need to kill anyone. We don't need to stab anyone. We don't need weapons. See, that's what I mean. A couple people holding a bad person down, and then the good person who was wronged, you know, a couple left. A couple rights. This is my whole point. This is my whole thing about duffing. You got a black eye, and you never forget what you did, and you think twice the next time you try to throw a fucking bottle at someone's head. Getting punched in the face once, should that be a crime? You know what I mean? If you deserve it, should that be a crime? It wasn't a crime back in the day. Obviously, murder and extreme violence of any way that could really harm someone should be, but if somebody's talking mess, and you just... haul off and slug them. That could be the end. You know what I mean? That could just be the end. We keep it pressing. It's all good. A lesson is learned. But in Biden's America, you're going to jail for yelling at someone. I just don't know. Is this the country you want to live in, Jason? I'm not sure. It's true. You do run into the danger of hitting somebody and then they fall and hit their head and then next thing you know, you're... You're doing life in prison next to Dahmer. I'm so sick of fucking Dahmer talk, but yeah, you're right. I'm sick of Dahmer talk, too. We need to stop building up these Wisconsin voices. Well, I mean, I like that people are, like, mad at Rick Ross because he's like, where do I get the Dahmer shades? You're like, bro, you already have 11 pairs. You're Rick Ross. Yeah, they're called kazals. You've been wearing them for years. Dahmer just swagged them out. Yeah, enough time has passed. So, yeah, another Sunday, I'm a little still hungover from my DJ battle with Benji B. Obviously, I smoked him like one of my backwoods. But, you know, he was a good sport on it. He knew that it was sort of away team versus home team. How much did he dislike it? Did he remember you at all, or did you have to fully explain it? No, no, no. I've hung out with him in person, so he knew who I was.

So all that stuff was a joke. We are, we are actual friends, but no, he, we, we said, what's up? And I was, you know, I, I, I threw him my headphones and I was like, good luck. And then he played his, he put on his first song of some, you know, tasteful world music house. I grabbed my USB and threw him a cunty look. Did you get turned up at the Astro Hollywood? It was medium turn up. They were nice enough to give me a bottle of Casamigos on ice with a large one liter glass Topo Chico and some limes. That's nice. That is nice. It was a good party. And thank you to the homies over at Purple PR. You guys are in a tight ship. Perp Nation. Perp Nation. Yeah, everybody's laughing in Atlanta because there's a coffee shop here called Perk. P-E-R-C. Have we talked about this before? No. They're like, bro, can you believe they named it Perk? And I'm like, yeah, I can because it's clearly somebody who has no idea what that means. It's so obvious that this is some middle-aged guy who had no idea what he was doing. I'm sure he's been told a million times, but he's got a storefront and, like, product. He's not going to change it now. Perk is definitely the name of, like, a coffee shop in Palm Springs run by, like, a 52-year-old gay who's in very good shape and has gray hair. And he's like, yeah, you come here, you get perked up. And then everyone driving by is like, bro, you name your shit York 30, bro. That's crazy. That's the opposite. Of being perky. Bro, this is crazy. You don't even know what you did, bro. Okay. All right. Well, another good week here at How Long Gone. Some more big pods for you next week. Yeah, really good pods coming up this week. And also the Izzy Wood podcast from last week. If you haven't listened to that, you should go back and listen to that. That's become one of our fans and audience members' low-key favorite. I spoke to Izzy yesterday, and I put her on to Southern Charm. And she was kind of explaining to me the similarities to Southern Charm and some of the upper-class British culture as well. So I'm learning a lot. Oh, wow. Okay. Bridging worlds, you know, in a way. Royalty transcends borders. That's very interesting. That's right. More pods this week. The shows are coming up quickly. Obviously, The Troubadour on the 19th is sold out. There's still some tickets left for The Lodge Room with John Early on the 20th in L.A.

Make sure you get those. We're going to have some new merch going online this week. Obviously, there will be new merch at the shows exclusive for New York and L.A. Very excited about what we have coming down the pipes in that realm. Our New York shows are going to be very sick. Our Alison Roman experience at the Bowery is going to be a culinary journey not to be missed. And then also for the Lodge Room show. We're going to do an after party, I think, at Burger Lords, which is just next door. We'll set up some turntables. I'll be DJing probably with a couple of other friends, and we'll have some beer and wine and music, and everyone can kind of stand around and smoke cigarettes together. while i play music so that's just another fun adam bonus you can make a night of it come out to highland park get the babysitter whatever you want to do come see how long gone live and then hang out you know let's say till midnight it'll be an el prado style hang where a bunch of people in car hearts smoke cigarettes on the sidewalk yeah and luckily in highland park like you know the All the young parents and dog owners kind of go home, so you can kind of run the streets after dark. All right, How Long Gone? We will talk to you guys next week. Thank you for listening, and it's our pleasure to serve you. Adios.