329. - Jess Damuck

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone? Jason's just finishing a bite real quick. He's a little hungry. Yeah, I've just been so hungry lately. I don't know why. Last week, ever since I've been sick, I've just found... Ravenous? Ravenous. What do you think it is, Chris? Could be a... I mean, countless issues with that freaky body of yours, so who knows? I mean, you know, hunger creeps up on us at times that we don't expect. Chris, I'm not looking for a fake answer. I mean, what do you think it is? I think you're bored. Sometimes people eat when they're bored, which is an issue. Luckily, I sit around and think about not eating when I'm bored, kind of occupy the mind. How does one go about thinking about eating? Thinking about not eating. I know that you're not much of a meditative guy, but maybe you're meditating and you don't even know it. Is that a possibility? Well, that is a possibility. Sometimes the mind plays tricks on you. Have you heard that running could be meditative? I just finished a meditative run, actually. When I'm dodging Bentley trucks and Persian chicks at Earth Cafe, unfortunately it shakes me out of my state. Whereas, obviously, that is a calming effect because I do feel right at home. Yes, of course. No, Earth Cafe is like a warm hug when you're actually inside of it ordering some nice waffles. No, no, no. I mean, less Earth Cafe, less Bentley truck. More Persian chicks. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. But, yeah, no, I don't meditate. I think it's just about, I mean, my meditation is more when I'm at the grocery store and I see snacks that look delicious and I...

walk right by them, and don't purchase them. You walk by slow motion, you flip the hair, Yonce style. Exactly. You flip the hair like a pregnant Riri, just glowing, ready to burst, and you say, me no care about this granola. No, I've had to mentally rise above snacking, and you know how much I love a... You know, rice cracker. You're not even allowing yourself a rice cracker? No, I can't. I mean, maybe a banana. You know what I've really gotten into is the street melon. Street melon. Like the little fruit cup in the bag? Are you adding the... the tahini of course no that's obviously too spicy for me okay okay so you're keeping it you're keeping it white i'm keeping it white but i like the way that tastes but i just don't i don't know it's i like the way it tastes but i don't want a whole thing of it you know what i mean i'm i'm the same i'm the same way as you're like a couple bites great but when i'm when i'm thinking fruit when i'm craving cold fresh fruit on a hot summer's day I'm not thinking let's blast me with chili de arbol. No, exactly. I'm saying let's get a nice piece of melon. That's about it. I paid it forward the other day when I was buying some, and it felt really nice. Paid it forward like you bought the next patron of their Ziploc bag full of frutas? That's right. I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Yeah, well, I didn't have any change, and I like to tip. you know, 50% in a situation like that. What is the opposite of asking somebody who hurt you? Because that's kind of what's happening to me right now when I'm hearing you tell these stories. Well, no, a young, like a teenager on Melrose was like, how much is that? And I was like, I actually don't know. I don't know. I don't check my fruit prices like that. Like if you were to ask Diddy how much a gallon of milk costs. Yeah, he doesn't know. You can buy that? Hold on. Somebody does that for me. I thought that just got delivered. But yeah, so then I paid it forward and bought a lot of fruit, and I was able to tip where I wanted to tip. But the reason I'm doing this and I'm creating a relationship with my local fruit purveyor is that… Fruit monger. The fruit monger, the street fruit monger… That's the name of your new newsletter. Go on.

The quality of the watermelon is so much better than Erwan or Whole Foods, it makes no sense. It's like twice as ripe. It's delicious. It really hits the spot, and it's cheaper. To the logical mind, it does not make any sense, you would think. But, yeah, I think that nobody cares at the supermarket anymore. I mean, the supermarket is only as good as whoever is in charge of the produce. at that day and who's putting it out. And if you're selling it every day and you're talking to the people face-to-face and you're trying to pitch them on, hey, do you want this? They're going to care about the fruit. They're going to wait and only serve you the ripe mango. They're not going to give you some fuck shit. At Whole Foods, they're going to give you just... Whatever they want to do. Okay, did you hear that, Chris? I heard the squeaking of a horn. No, that's the local Martinez catering cart coming to try to sell lunch to the local construction workers. Oh, I see. Okay. Life in El Serino is different, man. Yeah, it's crazy over here, dude. But yeah, I love fruit. You know what I mean? So let's just – that's kind of – Okay. That's a good treat. That's a good treat to have. There's some other issues I'm looking to discuss. First and foremost – A lot on the docket. First and foremost, I'm sick of hearing that the red hot chili peppers are good because they suck. And it's sources that I trust and people whose taste I find most often impeccable. Obviously, friend of the show, Yossi Selick is to blame. Friend of the show, Nomi Fry is to blame. And I understand the fascination with Kiedis and his 50-year-old abs. I understand the fascination with Frishante's return to the fold. I understand even the fascination with Funky Flea. But the music sucks. It's like unlistenable music. And I don't understand. This has been happening so much lately where there's like this revisionist history of these bands being like ruling. And I like lived through this. It's Rage Against the Machine Syndrome. Like these were shitty alternative rock bands. And now people are acting like they're like.

counterculture figures and i just don't get i just don't get it i don't understand am i crazy well there's there's a lot of there's a lot to chew on here on this mango seed first of all what is there an opposite of kind of like the sum of of the parts is greater than i mean it's kind of it's kind of the opposite of that like john for shante and flea and all the you know ketis's abs as well as his memoir scar tissue Every cool, attractive girl in the world I know, that's her favorite book, and they all are in love with Anthony Kiedis, want to have sex with him. And I guess they kind of have to love his music by proxy, but you put them all together in 2022, and it sounds like just karaoke. We watched videos of them playing their album release show, and I was like... It looks like Anthony is reading, like he wrote these lyrics himself, and he looks like he's reading them for the first time off of a karaoke teleprompter and just kind of figuring out where some of the melodies might go. Don't try to blood sugar sex magic me either. Don't do that. Well, just like every band that should have hung it up. I mean, not hung it up. They should still keep playing shows because they've created music that the world loves and listens to. But at a certain point, there's no need to make new songs or new albums. There's so many, you know, like your beloved Rolling Stones or Bob Dylan or any of these people who are still alive, still playing, still producing and creating new music. Nobody needs to hear it. And the Stones' new song, it's just going to be boring. It's not going to be offensive. But the Chili Peppers, as they get older, their music becomes... It just angers you how horrible it is. I was actually having a discussion with Alex's dad about this yesterday, about how the Rolling Stones, the songs aren't... good the new songs aren't good but they're they at least just sound like the rolling stones right like there's no it's a like you said it's just it's not offensive at all it's great but i feel like the peppers now the peppers songs sound like a pepper song but just so bad yeah you're right i guess i i guess there's no innovation going on thank god all they got to do is just not make new music anymore and like you were saying before all these great people like all these musicians you know for shanta he's a literal a musical god to me he's so

innovative, so talented. Flea is an amazing bass player. Chad, amazing drummer. No, Will Ferrell is sick on the skins. He's a phenom behind the kit. It's like Travis Barker is too, but at a certain point it's like, okay, we know the thing that you do and we were kind of all done with it in 2007. It's crazy. It's like they've lived in a K-Rock weenie roast 2001. forever and we can't escape it and they're just they're just keep headlining they're they're a benjamin button band where you know most people the longer you do something the better you get at it malcolm gladwell 10 000 hours chili peppers negative 10 000 hours when they first started and they were just like these rambunctious like heroin addict punk people playing like speed metal versions of parliament funkadelic songs it was interesting it was different it was new it was exciting It kicked you in the dick. And now, like I said, it's like a Nebraska school board PTA karaoke machine in a fucking dive bar. In an Ikea restaurant. In a dive bar for 80,000 people in a stadium in Norway. But yes. But they get worse as time progresses. They do get worse. Metallica has this problem. Every rapper has this problem ever alive. Are we getting worse as we... Is that happening to us? It must be. I mean, worse at what? What are we really good at? Good point. We're in the peak. Right now, we're in the sweet spot. This is as good as it's going to get for us. I'll see a guy I know from back in the day on Instagram or Twitter, and I'll be like, you're a guy that is the same age as me, give or take one or two years, and I know that maybe 10 years ago, you stopped caring just about how you looked, what you knew. where you go, who you talk to, and it shows. And those people look older physically. It's true. Feel older being around. It's scary that when the guy goes to Beth Moe and wears...

wears, you know, kind of whatever stuff from Old Navy that his wife puts on the bed. Yeah, but they look so happy. It's an ignorance is bliss thing. But then you have to see the other people who are, you know, 70 years old and they're still with it. They still know about stuff. They're still reading and learning and they're a part of the current culture. And I think when you're in a band or a millionaire musician, famous person, you're in like a weird purgatory between two of those worlds. And you feel like if you don't stop creating, you're going to die? Jason, if I stopped creating, I would die. We do have a guest today. I know you had other stuff you wanted to talk about. There's another restaurant called Dimes or something you want to talk about. We'll wait until the guest comes, and we'll kind of chat about that. Yeah, well, she knows about acai, I think. Jess DeMook, her new book, Salad Freak, which I love the title of, and we love salads on this show, is in stores everywhere. She looked like she had a beautiful dinner to celebrate the release at Benny Blanco's house. I don't know, Jason. We weren't invited to that, Jason. I don't know if you. I did not get invited. I love to eat sitting on the floor, Indian style. I do, too. Even though it's not comfortable, it feels like I'm... It's like you're a Dr. Clark in WeHo, but it didn't happen. Yeah, we didn't get the invite to that, but that doesn't mean we can't... talk to her about her journey and her salads and maybe what she would do if Sweetgreen humbly asked her to collaborate. Obviously, I have a lot of salad questions. I've been accumulating salad questions for literally years, and finally someone is here to answer them. No, no, no. We talk to salad people all the time, but that's how many questions about salad I have. It's a never-ending well. That's right. Thank God. All right, let's give Jess a jingle. Okay. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down.

The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do all our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking...

Something put together, a cabinet. Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf. TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled. Over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. When life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code HowLong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code HowLong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. Jess, how the hell are you? I have a cold. I also have a cold. Really? It's terrible. Benny Blanco gave me a terrible cold that he got at the Grammys. Got Grammy cough? It's not COVID, but it feels awful. And it was like a liability to take cold medicine today because I feel like... Cold medicine makes me feel like even crazier and more unpredictable than like being on LSD. Okay. So I was like, you're either going to get a nasally voice this morning or like a person who is like wildly unpredictable. That's something. Well, look, we can send your file to Benny. He can fix the nasally stuff kind of in post. She has a plug-in for that. Well, are you talking about the cold medicine?

Daytime or nighttime? They both, they mess me up in different ways, man. They both fuck you. Yeah, they're like, they mess me up in different ways, man. Yeah, because Nightquil puts you to sleep, you wake up, and you're kind of like, where am I? Like, you're a little out of it. And then Dayquil, you take it, and you're like, I shouldn't be on the freeway right now. Absolutely not. I've been on a roller coaster ride these past couple of days, but it's been interesting. You know, cookbook tours, it'll do that for you. Yeah, not boring. Unfortunately, doing all this press, the body doesn't have time to rest. We got books to sell. It's true. You know, it's funny. I feel like... Benny Blanco is not only like my best friend, but it's become kind of like a Yoda situation. He is the same size, so that kind of makes sense. Yes, similar vibe. And he's like training me to like... get to the next level, which I'm like, what is that? And it's like a person who only requires three hours of sleep and can push through everything. He's sicker than I am, and he's like, I'm working out. I'm walking five miles a day. I've got 100 meetings. And I'm like, is that good? You're giving this cold to everybody. Is that what I want? Well, look, if these betas can't handle a little cold, then they deserve to catch it. I'm with Blanco on this. I kind of... I kind of think that it's time. I'll steamroll the public if I've got stuff to do. You can't take a break. Jason's taking a break. He's going to the sauna. He's more responsive on email. He's getting things done for a change. So for him, I feel like this cold is beneficial to my business. So I'm going to allow it. But you're in a different position with something to promote. It's a little bit of a difference. It's true. Hopefully when Benny is out giving everybody the Grammy cough, he has his mask on? Mm-mm. That guy's not wearing a mask. He hasn't worn a mask. Our listeners at home just gave us a little comme ci, comme ça, handshake, little 50-50. No, he's free now, you know? We're all free, goddammit. Benny is, he did this podcast a couple months ago. You listened to it, maybe? I did, yeah. How much do you think, on a scale of 1 to 100, Rotten Tomatoes style, how much do you think he hates us? Oh, he doesn't hate you guys.

At all? You guys have to come over for a dinner one night? Well, I was mentioning to Jason that there seemed like there was a big dinner for this book. There was. I was actually just at dinner at his house recently. I saw it on everyone's Instagram. Lost in the mail. Lily must have just forgotten us, I guess. I don't know what happened. You know, I saw some very nice floral displays. There were some crazy florals, and it's true, you guys. It's been sheer chaos. And invites have got, have fallen. Oh yeah, no, I understand. I don't, I also, you know, I don't check my email 150 times a day or anything. So it could have easily, it could have gone to spam. So I like a lot of people listening are like, okay, so she just described this as sheer chaos. But just to remind, we are talking about a backyard salad eating party. Was that was sheer chaos? Were people sitting in the backyard and eating some salad? I like to call my entertaining style organized chaos. Chaos with a K, hopefully. If I don't feel a little underlying anxiety, I don't know that I'm alive. So I need to feel that in order to... Are you Jewish? You know, it's an interesting question. Great question. Great question. I'm really glad you went there. I feel Jewish. I've always wanted to be Jewish, but I'm technically not Jewish. I'm in a similar boat where most people assume that I am Jewish because of my nasally drawl and large schnoz, but then when I tell them I'm not Jewish, they don't just be like, huh. They refuse that answer. I'm like, I'm not Jewish. You are. I've stopped denying it. I just kind of like skirt over it. I like that. You're just like, who's to say? Who's to say? That's crazy. That's crazy. And you know, the truth is, if you could like go back in my life and find like the one moment where like things could have truly gone differently. When I was in like seventh grade, I got cast in a minor East End of Long Island production of Anne Frank.

as Anne Frank. And my parents were like, you can't take the role like we've already planned a vacation that's non-refundable. So I had to turn down that role. And I think that if I had taken it, my life would have taken a really You would not be talking to us. You would be on the ABC lot right now on season 15 of Grey's Anatomy. You'd be young Sheldon's mom or some shit. I like how your parents were like, you can't do that role. And I thought it was because you're not Jewish, so you can't do that. But no, we just... We already have a lovely vacation planned. We are going to an all-inclusive in Eleuthera, and we cannot cancel this, sweetheart. That's just not what we're doing this time. Yeah. How was the vacation? Do you remember it or no? Yeah. We went to Tortola in the British Virgin Islands. I can't complain. I think I had several rum cocktails, even though I was 14 and went surfing. That's nice. Did you meet a guy? Was it that kind of vacation? No, not that kind of. My mom is a helicopter mom, so it wasn't that crazy. So how does she feel? What's her participation in this book release then? Or is she backed off? Well, you know, another funny question. She came to a Q&A talk that I did in New York with Carla Lawley Music. There was wine being provided at the event. I'm watching her out of the corner of my eye, and I see this nice, chilled red going down really easily. You sound like me looking at Jason anywhere we go. Cold and red. That's all I need. Chuggable. And I start, you know, Carla and I are doing our talk. There's like a room of 75 people who have bought tickets to hear us have a conversation. And all I hear. is my mother's voice is she like whispering she was like heckling me she was like i heard her at one point i um carla like made a comment about how all of my food is like really crunchy and has a lot of texture and i was like oh i guess that's why like my tmj is so bad and my mom leans over to the person next to her and goes here we go with the hypochondria

Damn, your mom is a hater, and I like it. I think that adds some nice texture to the event, not just a salad. I also think that TMJ is a construct, and it's all in your head. It's possible, man, but I clench like nobody's business. Do you get a custom mouth guard? My chick has one. No. The person I went to was like, it's beyond that. She's like, the only thing you can do is get Botox injected into your muscles. I did, and it was like so much Botox, I really worried something really bad could happen here. You said this is too many CCs, Doc. It was like 85 units or something. I love how they measure it. I love how Botox is measured. No, no, no. Not how many books you sold. How much Botox did you get? Yeah, my muscles just withered away and died, and now I have a different face. Did it change your face considerably? Yeah. Totally. Do you like it better? Yeah. Okay. Every Botox administrator is always like, let me guess, TMJ? And they're like, yeah, I have TMJ right above my eyes here, and I have a little TMJ here. I've considered doing it as well because I'm a little bit of a midnight grinder. They get a really wild look in their eye, and it's a pretty crazy situation. Like, she also, like, put a little in my temple, and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, how do I even know that? I like the armpit for sweating. Oh, yeah. That's one of my – that seems deeply unhealthy, like, to not allow those toxins to expel. But any – I mean, I'm a vain bitch, too. But so is degree body heat activated. That's a good point. I just want – I think that it's cool that they measure Botox. by quote-unquote unit and none of us no one knows what that means i don't even think the doctor that's not nobody wants to know exactly that's not a technical jump because i've been watching why houston's we don't want to know how many units of fat and calories are in that spanish and artichoke exactly exactly because i've been watching ultimatum on netflix i don't know if you've seen the best show ever created was wondering how you're going to weave that into the podcast one of the chicks one of the chicks has so much botox that it's like i haven't

It's hard to look at her. Her face looks like a dinner plate. It's so shiny. Like a Simeon Hayes kind of vibe? Crazier than Simeon Hayes because she's yatted up, too. Her arms are all tatted, so it's like a wild combo. It's like a girl. She has a very hairdresser from Atlanta look that unfortunately hits me right in the heart. Don't you guys feel like... You guys are both in L.A., right? Yeah, we are. Okay. I feel like every... not every, but a lot of women and people in general in LA, their skin is like always brand new. Thank you. It's not even just Botox. Yeah. It's like their skin is like, it's glowing in a way that you're like, it's too new. Like they're peeling and exfoliating. Oh, like it's too new. Yeah, exactly. Like a snake. So it looks so good in a bad way. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Like you want something with a little more. patina to it, a little more character and personality perhaps. Give it a chance to regenerate. The body does this itself, guys. We don't have to rush the process. I don't need to be able to see your teeth and tendons because you have just one thin layer of skin left. We know you're doing something to improve your collagen production, but you don't have to show it off. Whereas you New Yorkers, you guys have rat feces and dumpling sauce. We're tough. I'm in L.A. person now oh are you and ben over in la now we are we live here okay did you have to escape long island or escape from long island i have to say having the distance of the whole country in between uh my parents and i has been it's been i've been able to do a lot of work on my boundaries do they still live in long island they live in the city they live on shelter island which is where i grew up oh you grew up on shelter island only accessible by By Ferry, Jason. I don't know if you're familiar. I've seen the film. Dark, dark little film. That's a nice and very weird place to grow up. Yeah, it's probably the weirdest thing about me, honestly, if you really want to know. I feel like Jess is going to be a nice and really weird type of podcast guest. I'm already feeling it. It's like, you know, the school there from kindergarten to 12th grade was...

250 kids, if that gives you any idea of how small it is. At least you can make the cheerleading team, the lacrosse team, it's a little less competitive. Nobody was pushing me hard enough. I had to go to a different high school for that. I understand. I like to be pushed as well. That's kind of what Jason's here for. I like it too. It's funny. In therapy recently, my... therapist was like oh who was your like next mother figure after your mom like why do you think you have this like perfectionist drive and I had to just really like pause and laugh for a second because my response is so ridiculous Because it's obviously Martha Stewart. America's mother. Yeah. I think that a lot of us, I mean, Jason was raised on Martin. You were raised on Martha. Well, that's the problem is I was raised on Martin and Martha. Yeah, that says a lot about you. And Ina. All my ladies. But you actually worked with Martha for years, right? Yeah, I would say that we still work together sometimes. I used to tell people that she was my aunt, and I used to tell people Rod Stewart was my uncle. Nobody believed me on either of those. Yeah, that's not believable, but I appreciate that. I would like to confirm a Martha Stewart story with you, if you don't mind, because we have a local expert. I've always been told that, Jason, we've talked about this, I've always been told that Paul Newman... and his salad dressing empire was started because he was in her – they lived in a – he was like her neighbor in some regard, and he was making it and giving it out to his neighbors as holiday gifts, and Martha was the one who encouraged him to turn it into a more serious business. Does that sound – You should bottle this and sell this, Polly. You know, I absolutely believe it because I've heard – like I've made salad dressing before, and she said, the same thing to me she's like you should bottle this yeah yeah and when she says that to you like you do it when she says any when she says anything to you you do it oh yeah that's right i think all that story sounds very believable and plausible except for the story of paul newman america's like hottest dude of all time making salad dressing in his bathtub

No, I believe it. I don't know. I don't know. Why can't you be hot and make salad dressing? Damn. I'm saying no one has ever made salad dressing in their bathtub, let alone a stud muffin like that. Well, no, I think Paul, the thing you're forgetting, Jason, is that Paul's estate probably had a clawfoot in the kitchen. Because there was claw foots everywhere, all over that place. I'm picturing a Hungarian grandma maybe doing it in the tub, but not Paul Newman. Jess knows this isn't a stew. This is a light vinaigrette. I mean, it's not like it requires a wooden spoon. Think about the cleanup in the tub, that oil. I'm thinking about how sexy he probably was hand-squeezing those lemons in there. Oh, yeah. Can't you imagine? You're saying Paul Newman's shirtless. He's sweating a little bit. Just squeezing lemons. Just squeezing. Into a bathtub. Some of his own make ends up in the sauce, perhaps? God, I want to be in the sauce. I wouldn't want to be in that bathtub of sauce. Maybe that's why he had to give all the profits away. The FDA kind of wasn't on board with some of his practices. Uncle Sam says, legally, I can't sell this stuff. Yeah, I've got to give the profits away. I mean, what is the estate? Is it in Connecticut? It's in Bedford, New York. Oh, of course. Beautiful Bedford. I recently saw her estate and her groundskeepers as she... She gifted her entire dozens of groundskeepers with Skechers shoes. Have you seen this? Yeah. How do you feel about her recent collab with Skechers? Everything she does is great. It's so great. You can laugh, but you slip your foot into those easy to put on gardening clogs, and you'll be like, yeah, I get it. I was expecting a nice... diplomatic answer but i wasn't expecting everything she does is best possible answer no i mean we all have some good media training we all have people like that in our lives that i have people that i would follow into the fucking ocean too i'm like nope everything they do is good i don't know i mean i love martha stewart don't get me wrong and i have no problem with the sketchers but to me i'm looking at it like first of all it's a it's a little bit of a humble brag showing how that you employ dozens of groundskeepers on your estate alone

So that's like, okay, that negates the fact that you're doing a TikTok Skechers ad as a multi, multi, multi-millionaire, you know, dignified woman in her 60s or whatever. 80s. 80s. 80s? She's staying moderate. Jason, what 80-year-old do you know that could TikTok? Exactly. Well, I'm wondering, if I'm Martha Stewart, I'm a multi-millionaire, dignified woman in her 80s, my investments are probably sound, my real estate properties are... making lots of money all over the world. Why am I doing a Skechers slip-ons ad? You know why? Because she's like Benny Blanco. She just can't stop. Exactly. She only needs to sleep three hours a day, and she just keeps going. She's more productive than me. We need to get to the bottom of why these people like you so much. It's true. Or why you gravitate towards them. Which one is it, Jess? I really don't know. All I know is I'm a person who requires sleep. Like, I get cranky if I don't get enough sleep. Same, same. So I'm working on that. No, Jess, I think you and I have a lot more in common than we realize. Yeah. We both require some sleep. We surround ourselves with absolute hustlers. Are you a Virgo? No, I'm a Leo. Interesting. We both love salads. Yeah, you guys are salad freaks, right? We both know our way around an endive. Jason actually said before we started our intro that he had... He has a list of salad questions so long that this isn't even going to satiate him. This isn't enough. Excellent. I'm down. In the intro, Chris and I were talking. Chris recently, as a new L.A. homeowner, he's been falling in love with the kind of fruit stand that you see all over town. You know that where you get a little cup or a little bag full of fruit with some spicy salt on there? You know what that is? And it reminded me in your book, in the section of summer, there was a bunch of fruit salads that you kind of plate over ice. Oh, baby. And something about that just made it, it just looks so cool and so well done. And so, you know, it just makes me think it's a hot day. I'm at the beach and just fruit and ice. Mamma mia. So you're treating fruit like oysters? Yeah, it looks kind of like an oyster. Like on a hot day, especially.

A bald melon. Don't fucking call me names on my podcast. Fuck you, Jess. Okay, so you get a cold honeydew, you scoop out with a melon baller and put it over some ice. Put it on ice and like, it doesn't matter if you're near a pool or if you're in your backyard and it's like 120 degrees. pop one of those in your mouth, and you're like, ugh. Okay, so those are slippery little suckers. Do you use a fork, a toothpick, or do you just grab them with your hands? I'm a hands person. I've got to get my hands. See, this is not. Next time I go to Jason's house for a backyard BBQ, I'm going to reach in the Yeti expecting to find a Miller Lite. And you're going to find a bag of melon balls. I'm going to get melon balls. I don't think that that. I mean, we need to make sure there's a label, clear labels on the Yetis, Jason. Just FYI. The fruit. Yeti is white and maybe the beer Yeti is black or something. We'll work that out. Is the melon baller a unit tasker, Jess, or is there something else you can use it for? That's one utensil I don't have in my kitchen arsenal. You know, the truth is I just use a tablespoon measure. It's basically the same thing. I'm glad I'm sitting down. That's a little hack for all our listeners out there that are looking to save at Sir La Table. As a melon ball enthusiast, you'd think I'd have a vast... Yeah, yeah, yeah. collection but i don't i just i would expect your wall to look like julia child's frying pan wall just dozens of ballers i'm like not a crazy gadget person because i've like you know lived in new york for so many years where i had one drawer to put everything then ben is a gadget guy so we have some gadgets here really does he have any useless shit that you're trying to slowly throw away when he goes on one of his work trips the avocado tool What the fuck is that? It scoops it and slices it at the same time. Oh, hell no. What? I'm a little bit of a hater on that one, but he really likes it. Yeah, it's called a knife. Yeah. And also, when you slice it in half, it's a fun thing to do. It's not a nuisance. Also, it doesn't remove the pit. What?

Which is the one part that most people need help with. Look, Ben likes the pit. I don't know. He's weird like that. As a guy who's never cut an avocado myself, it sounds not that difficult. It's not that difficult. You would definitely fuck it up. I would like to see that happen. And speaking of Ben and fruit and ice, I also read in your book that you affectionately call him smoothie. Could you explain that, please? Yeah, sure. One time we were on a trip in Portugal. Smoothie capital of the world. He woke up in the morning and just really wanted some eggs. We had had like, you know, it had been like the same like really heavy stuff for like days. I can't have another tortilla. Yeah, we had gone. There was some like special Portuguese cheese he really loved. And we like went to this place and bought all this. We were traveling around with pounds and pounds of cheese. It was all too much. Oh, Ben. Not in Cheese Free April. Not the Toomey full of cheese. Did you have to pay extra on Ryanair to check that? Your suite at the Hoxton must have smelled crazy. Our car smelled so bad. I'll save the story for what he did with the rest of the cheese for him if he ever comes on and talks to you guys. But the smoothie story is he wanted eggs in the morning. There may or may not have been some light psychedelic use early that morning. And we went out into the city and tried to find some eggs. And it turns out it's not so easy. Really? We stopped in a little cafe and got our coffee and they didn't have eggs, but they had like a bunch of pastries. So we bought a couple of pastries. And then we walked past, like, another pastry shop. And Ben was like, oh, I'm going to grab some of these. And he ate, like, a couple weird savory pastries. My man's really putting them down so far. Then we, like, stopped at a brunch place somebody had recommended, but there was, like, a huge line. And he was really starting to.

sort of spin out. Baby, need his bottle. If I don't get my protein in the morning, I'm kind of the same way, but I understand. Yeah, there was like a lot of calories taken in really quickly, and it was getting really manic. He went up to this smoothie stand and got this huge peanut butter smoothie and sucked the whole thing down. My man, my man. And then was like, we gotta get some eggs. And I said, I don't know, smoothie. Someone needed to slap him. He was piss mad. I like it, though. I love it when he gets like that. It makes me laugh so much. Like, it really, really does. You encourage this overeating? Interesting, Jess. Not the overeating, but the certain sort of spiraling. Yeah, I know what you mean. It can be cute. Yeah, and when I said that out loud, we're like, oh, my God. That's like the most obnoxious. you could ever like call somebody. Like we don't call each other like hun or like baby or like anything. And I'm like, but smoothie. Yeah. So he, so like when you go home and you're, you're, you have a cold and he'll be like, Hey, can I, can I get you some more water smoothie? Yeah. Be kind of like that. Yeah. I, that's great. I, I see you sipping a smoothie actually on this, on this podcast. And, and I know that Jason likes to create his own. I'm more of a purchaser. Of that kind of beverage. Is that a housemaid offering, Jess? Is that a housemaid offering? This is something that I bought. When I came down with my cold or whatever this terrible thing is. Air quotes? Go on. I went on air on and I'm like, let's just do this right. Like I'm going to get every. You brought the black card. Yes. I'm like, let's get this. Throw some money at the problem. Yeah. Everyone does it. And this smoothie is like some of their smoothies. They're so expensive. You're like, I know that this must be doing something really good for me because why else would it be so expensive? If you add the deer antler, it can push you over 20. But some of the ingredients and combinations are really questionable. But do they end up working? Because usually in those situations, I'm like, how the fuck is that going to mix with that and work? And when it does, you're like, fuck, I guess it does.

Quite a few of their smoothies, which is very strange to me. Mesquite, like the wood? They must have like a liquid smoke sort of situation. Damn, liquid smoke. This sounds like a bartender with a mustache. Are you sure? Yeah, if you look in the ingredient list, there's mesquite. What the fuck? That's a Lay's. I've only seen that on a Lay's bag. I don't understand. Yeah, that's Casey Masterpiece. So that's like pretty weird. That is weird. And then I got one that like I don't remember ordering. which is like celery, parsley, and banana or something. No, sir. No, sir. That does not sound good. I go to Whole Foods for smoothies sometimes, and people are just really like... really still ordering a 32-ounce celery juice. Yeah. And I'm trying to understand, what is celery supposed to do for us? Well, you know, my best friend Hugh told me that the whole celery thing, like the celery diet and all the health claims, came to somebody in a dream. Doesn't that make so much sense? That makes more sense than it should. And it's depressing because I assumed it was like a kale situation where like an ad agency was hired to like make... celery work again you know but you're saying to me that a a chef or like a or not even some guy who wrote the celery man celery the celery diet some guy some it came to him in a dream so that's i mean speaking of ad agency that's just another rebranding of i made it up yeah i didn't make it up my brain made it up while i was having a dream i think if you said to anyone in la it came to me in a dream they would listen to whatever you were about to say You have their attention. I just Googled the mesquite powder, and it's a thing that people add to smoothies a lot. Yeah, why? Mesquite is a high-protein, highly nutritious food, rich in iron, lysine, magnesium, potassium, and zinc. Is it wood, though? I guess. I mean, what else could it be? I don't know. They eat wood on alone, and then they end up having to tap out. So that's all I'm saying. Because Jason does keep a nice...

palo santo powder in his kitchen to kind of add to his smoothies which is technically wood you know what i mean but he's doing it more for that's my sex powder he's doing it more for flavor yeah did you take did you ever get into the sex powder jason i got sex dusk it's a pantry staple It's a larder essential for you. I like that, by the way, in your book, you separate the ingredients list of here's the fresh produce that you'll need to go to the store and buy or procure from Benny Blanco's backyard, and here's the stuff that you should already have in your pantry. Yeah, I think it makes it a little easier for shopping. That's a good note. And a little less intimidating. No, I make two separate lists whenever I'm writing out if I'm going to cook for that day, like here's the stuff I already have, here's the stuff I need to buy. Yeah. It's smart. I like that. What do you think your obsession with the crunch is? Did you realize you were a crunchy chick or did somebody have to tell you? I've always known. I've always known. Yeah. I don't like, like, custards and, like, smooth foods. I mean, I'm drinking a smoothie telling you I don't like smooth foods. Are you a crunchy or a smooth peanut butter chick, though? Crunchy. Hell yeah. That's crazy, bro. You guys are crazy. You're a smooth guy? I'm not really a food guy. If I could avoid it, I would. But I like a crunch. I just find sometimes, and I'm sure you can help me with this, the crunch comes with a caloric price that I'm not willing to pay. Is there any difference? It's all made out of nuts. Maybe I'm looking at some seeds, and those are tricky. Well, like in her book, she has a broccoli salad that has a quinoa crunch. So that's a good way to add crunch without adding the calories, right, Jess? Yeah. That sounds good. You can get a za'atar breadcrumb crunch, and that's going to be more calories than something. The za'atar breadcrumbs, we're looking at 400 on the dash. I can't afford that. Slow down, slow down. And they taste so good, but they taste so good. They do taste so good. Yeah, I mean, I think people have always... Treat yourself. Yeah, treat yourself. People have always been trying to figure out how to make healthy things crunchy, and no one's ever able to make that chip that tastes as good as a tortilla chip or a potato chip, but it's made out of, like, Yuba skin or... Don't you, like, burn some calories chewing? Well, we're getting into the... A friend of ours, Nathan... It's a good TMJ argument.

Our friend Nathan put us on to the Incel gum. Are you familiar with this? No, I want to hear about it. Chad Chew. Chad Chew. It's a gum that has, I believe, zero flavor and no sugar, and you chew it to get a more defined jawline. He gave me a slice. I tried it. It's the exact opposite of what I'm trying to do. Exactly. So, Jason, does it taste like nothing? Pretty much. I mean, I think it's a Turkish gum, and I think... I think it's like one of those things that's just been around for centuries and people just kind of chew it to chew it. And the whole selling point of it is it never goes. You just chew it forever and it always maintains its chewiness. I got sick of it and spit it out after a while because it really is a full workout. We see those jowls. We can tell it didn't take for you. Isn't that something Willy Wonka invented? Everlasting Gob? Yeah, pretty much. I highly doubt that just chewing gum will make you look... Like Jason Momoa? I don't really think that's going to happen. I think you just have to keep your body under an incredible amount of stress, so you just clench your jaw constantly, and then there you go. Why does it have to be flavorless? I don't understand that part. Well, I mean, I think because if you're chewing it forever... I think it does initially start out with a flavor, but it's only a matter of minutes until you've sucked all that flavor out. I hope it tastes like Marlboro Lights or something at least. Dare to dream. Not something. I don't want strawberry. That's gross. No, no. I want nicotine. I've never tried nicotine gum, actually. Nicorette. Neither have I. Would it mess me up if I just... Tried one? What would happen? With your flora and fauna, it might send you on a little tailspin. Will I get dizzy? I'll get dizzy. You won't get dizzy, but you'll get disoriented for sure. I don't like it myself, and I'm a person who smokes and enjoys nicotine, but I'll try it if I'm indoors and I can't smoke and I'm on cocaine. It's good to have around.

But it has like a weird tingle to it that you either love or you hate. There's something about it, and I wasn't. Thank God I didn't like it. Maybe when I go pick up some more cold medicine, I'll pick up a pack and try it out. Let me get two Nyquils. Let me get a pack of Nicorette. What else you guys got back there? You got Red Bull? How many wellness formula capsules are you taking down per day? And there is a number that you should be having. I'm taking four per day. That's low. That's low. That's low. That's what I've heard. Benny told me to take more. Jess, this is what you do. Six in the morning, six at lunch, six at night, 18 total. Yeah, those aren't even good pills. I agree. I would also include the Aleve. The Aleve back and muscle pain. That's kind of my go-to pill these days. Interesting. Yeah, they're the most powerful. I don't know if your lower back has caused you any problems or maybe your calves are kind of seizing up. But just don't crush them up like Chris does. Yeah, don't snort them. Do not try to put them in a smoothie. Take them orally like a normal person. Okay. Yeah, so do that. We're here to help. We're here to help. Maybe try to hit the infrared if you're able to, Jess. I don't know. Sometimes the sauna makes me dizzy, too. I'm prone to dizziness. I'm a little worried about you, Jess. Have you had your blood work done? Yeah. I'm okay. Okay. I get migraines. We can send a doctor over and they'll do the IV. It's kind of like a Vegas thing. I've never done that. Yeah, I'd like to do that. Maybe I need some B vitamins. I heard that shit. I just heard recently that all that shit is fake. Yeah, it definitely is. It doesn't do that shit. It's fucking water in a bag, bro. Of course it's fake. I mean, I get a B12 shot at Next Health in my butt. sometimes um and it does get me going uh but that much much like the drug cocaine that jason mentioned it doesn't last long enough it's a fleeting butt shot i'm like less of a cocaine gal more of like a psychedelic sort of cali sober chick i've never i've never understood that i don't want to be i don't want to see anything except um

the inside of a bar in that instance, you know what I mean? Chris doesn't want to go inward because he's afraid of what it's going to look like in there, Jess, whereas you and I have done the work, haven't we? I'm always doing the work. I continue to do it. Namaste to you, Jessica. Jason bowed, just for those at home. Well, I mean, a lot of your book, especially in the beginning of it, it kind of shows the... The philosophy that you have with cooking and there shouldn't be – and I agree with you about everything about cooking now is like TikTok and hack and shortcuts and how to do this super fast and blah, blah, blah. And you're kind of like cooking is a meditative practice, should be done with intention. And I've always felt the same way and I love cooking for that and I use cooking for that. And I also use drugs for that just like you, Jess. I had to take out of the book a lot of my references about doing mushrooms and making salads. Well, that's what how long gone is for, Jess. So you will hit an eighth, God's dose, straight to the dome, and then you're like, you know what I need? Let's pull out the mandolin and start slicing some French radishes. Because that's a one-way ticket to Cedars for me, I'm just saying. I think arranging the salad, like if you prepare your ingredients beforehand, it's really the plating that becomes like a real like wow. Oh, okay. I like you talking about plating a salad like a junkie talking about preparing his needle. I really – you lit up like a Christmas tree. No, that's good because I also love doing tasks that have – a time limit that has been set by drugs that i've ingested a lot of times i'll be like all right i need to do this one hour of work and i just have to finish it in one hour no more dilly-dallying so then i'll eat an edible and then like the clock is really ticking because in an hour i won't be able to read anymore whatever yeah and the same thing for you where you're like i just ate an eighth and then you know the the little timer tick tick tock starts and that's when you just start slicing it all so then when you're high as a georgia pine

Then all you have to do is start arranging those watermelon radishes and those pea tendrils. Exactly. And then, of course, the salad starts moving and talking to you. You rub the salad. You rub your body and genitals on the salad. It becomes one with you. It's funny. The very first recipe in the book is this salad called the New Year's salad, which is I made one New Year's while on a bit of mushrooms. And the whole head note was about how like I had taken the mushrooms and they were kicking in. And my friend's mom started talking to me while I was like, they were really, I just couldn't stop laughing. Like I, I just was like laughing for like an, what felt like hours straight. You did mushrooms and hung out with the mom. Yeah. And she gave me this platter that was like comically large. Like, you had to, like, hold it out, like, with my arm all the way outstretched, and it was so heavy. Like a piece of, like a sheet of drywall. Yeah, and I set it down. You don't know how to get it through the door. And I made this, like, citrus and avocado salad with these radishes that were, like, they were, like, a centimeter. They were, like. Size of an Oxycontin. I saw it in the book. Yeah, whispers of radishes. Don't even need to chew them. And it was so, it was all so beautiful. Like, everything made sense. Truly, like the whole universe came back together and I was like, oh, it's all good. So do you have an appetite when you're on psychedelics? Because I don't, I mean, I just have an appetite for cigs. It depends what kind I'm on, I guess. Menthol, menthol. Oh, sorry, you were talking, okay, never mind. Yeah, usually like I forget about it for food for a little bit, but I think eating a little bit of mushrooms and having a meal is a nice thing. Yeah, maybe fruit. Maybe fruits and vegetables. Salads. Salad. Yeah, things that are still alive. I don't want to have a beef tartare or something like that. But I do, you know, I'm adverse to fruit in my salad. I kind of look at fruit and...

salad. It's church and state for me. Chris doesn't even like a tomato in the salad though, which is technically a fruit. You just said you don't like food. You have to eat it. Well, food is merely fuel to get all my tasks done. He lives to task. I love salads. I just have never been able to get over that hump. I wonder, is there something you could prescribe for me as a known hater? What could get me over the hump? to understand that beautiful parent. Hypnotism. I think I'm going to change your mind. I feel confident that I can do it. I'm going to make you some salads. Saturday, I watched Dave Bird, who notoriously does not eat fruits or vegetables, eat a piece of endive. His mind was blown. He loved it. That's a challenging green. I know. I was so impressed. He dipped it in a little Tonato. which helped him get over his texture thing with tuna. That's so interesting because the thought of Chris eating Tonato, there's no instance in the world where that would ever happen. Chris, do you know what that is? Nope. It's where you just put canned tuna and mayonnaise in a blender, basically. Oh, no, no, no. Jess, this canned fish stick. Shit has to stop. It's over, yeah. I'm putting my foot down. I'm not eating like a sailor. Okay. I work too hard. You know, there's one person that should be eating fish out of a tin can, and those are our local feline friends, and that's it. No humans. I don't like pets either. I like pets less than I like fruit and salad. Well, I'm sorry, Chris. Tin fish is here for a while at least. There's a lot of money in the business, I think. I think there's a lot of money in tin fish and pets. They both saw a huge boom during quarantine. Yeah, L.A. is truly full. On my run today, I think next time I run, I'm going to count the stores for dogs because I feel like they could outnumber the stores for humans. Chris, do not come for Chateau Marmot. No, Chateau Marmot gets a pass because that's one of the most brilliant names. I have a solution for you. Don't tell me to kill myself. Don't. No, no, no, not yourself, but I'm thinking we're taking the world of your hatred of pets and tin fish.

Put them together, tinned pets. What do you think I'm going to – what am I supposed to do with that? What's the business idea? You put every cat and dog into a large tin. Oh, I see. And you just kind of vacuum seal them and you cook them alive in there. And then afterwards, smear it on some sourdough or something like that, a nice tartine loaf. That does sound delicious. I think there's some legal ramifications for that. People would not be happy about that. Yeah, you're right. Do you have a dog, Jess? I do, yeah. Do you love the dog? Yeah, I love him a lot. Do you love the dog? Would you say you love him too much or do you feel like it's a healthy amount? I love him just the right amount. Ben loves him too much. See, everyone can cross that line. That's what I mean. I mean, I guess it's for me. I've just never had one, so I don't understand that love that they give you because my mom, much like myself, put cleanliness above love. Yeah. Which explains a lot about me, really. But do you like the walking portion? Do you feel like that is the bonding time? Or do you pay someone to do that? No, that's not my favorite part. No, not no. I love walking. It's actually healthy for you guys. Yeah, I like walking too. But I guess once I get into a routine, I'm good with it. Sometimes in the morning, I'm lazy. Just needs her putter time. I'm on this like Benny Blanco track to becoming a different person. And part of that, I think, is like waking up early, being productive right away instead of making like an espresso with like my machine that takes like my hand pressed espresso machine with stashio milk that takes. 45 minutes to heat up pistachio milk pistachio milk my god you must have sold a lot of books so so normally you're like doing hand-pulled pistachio flat whites yeah you're reading the new yorker on your ipad pro you're just kind of dicking around for an hour and then benny's like i've already written three justin bieber songs before you even made one single hard-boiled egg he calls me on that morning walk that i feel like you he

You guys caught him on his walk. Yes, he talked to us about it. And he's like, this is the only time I have to talk to you today. And he'll run through the whole thing. He's like, I got Adam Levine booked out for all day. I don't have time for this shit. So when you say he runs you through that whole thing, is that like the instructions of his cult that you seem to have joined? What do you mean by that exactly? No, we're just friends, you know? Best friends. We talk all the time. We have to plan menus. He's like... He and Maddie Matheson have really, like, they're like hype men. They're like, can you think of, like, two better hype men to have? No, it's true. It's true. Yeah. No, I mean, it's important to have hype men pushing you or hype people pushing you in your corner. It's true. Especially us lazy Leos, Jess, you know. If it was up to us, we'd just be doing psychedelics all day. I'm Jason's Maddie Matheson, if I had to. I don't. I don't own a pizza restaurant or a farm, but I'm still pushing him in a lot of ways. Most of those are not culinary, though, unfortunately. I really love that man. He's a really wonderful man. He is. We'll be doing a live show with him in Toronto in a few weeks, actually, if you're going to be in town. Oh, that's awesome. I actually may have to go to Toronto. Let's build. We'll see. If you want to make some salads, you just let us know. We have a platform for you. Awesome. We want to do a burger with him, too. Yeah, you should. At the burger place. But now that I'm thinking about it, I would rather do a pizza, Jason. What do you think about that? I'm fine with that. I mean... By the time that show happens, I'll be out of Cheese Free April so we can start incorporating some pecorinos into the mix or something. What kind of pizza are you making over there, Jess? I'm making salad pizza. She's making the Caesar salad pizza, which I also love a salad pizza. Every time I see it on the menu, it's rare, but I always gravitate towards it. Is a salad pizza where I go to Prime and get a cheese pie and then put a box of arugula on top of it, or is there more to this? It definitely could be. Yeah, it can be that. We love Prime pizza.

I love arugula on a pie. I really love the spiciness. It's a Caesar salad pizza where instead of putting marinara on and then putting it into the wood-fired oven, a little smear of mustard, of Dijon, and some olive oil goes on. And then when it comes out of the oven, then you dress it with the Caesar. That's right. The salad goes on top. It's escarole that gets charred. And then, like, tons of Parmesan and boquerones, even though we're not supposed to talk about tinned fish anymore. Well, it sounds like you're in the pockets of Big Ten. You know, I'm actually, like, I'm not a crazy. I like jarred tuna, like, for a good missoir. I love a good $28 jarred tuna as well, Jess. Exactly. What's not to love? Sardines. I can't fully. I'm with you exactly. I really wanted to because I feel like if you're a foodie or like a food person, you're supposed to eat like bread and mustard and sardines every day for lunch. Or a Russian model. I mean, that's kind of what it is. You're like, yeah, you hear all these food stories of like, I was living, you know, check to check. I had no money. I just ate sardines every day. And I'm like, that's. It's disgusting, bro. It doesn't seem good. It doesn't seem good for the bod. No, it's actually very good for you. It's one of the best things you could ever eat. Oh, the oils and shit. So much oil, great protein, great fats. It's truly affordable. It's a perfect food, except it tastes like shit. It doesn't feel nourishing to the body. Let me put it that way. It doesn't feel like a hug. Well, neither does Nashville hot chicken, which is a salad that you have in your book as well, Jess. Yeah. Speaking of food trends like the tin fish. et cetera, et cetera. But you also mentioned you've never had Nashville hot chicken in Nashville. You've only been to Nashville one time and now is to see Morrissey while you were a vegetarian. How many times have you seen Morrissey? Well, that's a two-part question. How many times have I had tickets and how many times has he actually performed when I bought tickets? I've only seen him play like four or five times. Okay, I'm probably, I'm around there with you. Do you have a piece of his shirt in your collection? No.

Okay. I do have a piece of a Gucci shirt. Also, Chris has a Morrissey tat as well. You do? I do have a Morrissey tat, yeah. I want to know more about it, please. It's really melodramatic. It says unlovable across my heart. It was the first tattoo I ever got, actually, when I was 18. And those words still ring true to this day. Yeah, ask anybody who knows me. They hate me. I like him a lot. I love him. I mean, Chris, love is a strong word. I love you guys. I love Morrissey. I've seen Morrissey. I mean, I would go see him right now. Me too. I'll try it. If it's bad, it's bad. The thing about guys like that is that he will always have hot young guys in the band that are good. So it's going to sound good. He might not sound great, but the songs that you know, it's going to work. It's going to work on someone. His political viewpoints might not be as great either. Well, look, I mean, Jason, you're going to see Stained in San Diego. You don't agree with his politics either. I haven't been keeping up with his political views. I just love the music. You saw Kid Rock's tour opener in Detroit, I'm sure. Oh, come on. I'm sure. I didn't know. When did you see Morrissey? Was this in high school in Nashville or was this as an adult? No, it was as an adult. I discovered Morrissey in college, and I think that that was a good thing because if I had discovered him in high school, again, if we're talking about points where our lives could have... dramatically taking a turn. Yeah, I think I would have been a lot different. What would have happened if you got into Morrissey at a younger age other than being a cutter or something? I was like already kind of like emo goth. I played in a metal band in high school. Excuse me? Yeah, it's true. What instrument do you play or did you play? I play bass. Yeah, I play a little bit of synthesizer, too. Not well, but... What were some of the metal bands that inspired your band? I didn't listen to metal, but, like, I played with these guys who were, like, really good. Like, you know, the drummer had, like, the double kick pedal and was, like, insane, and the guitarist was just shredding. And I could just kind of, like, stand there.

You know, I could really keep up. Yeah, I would keep up. I played like some triplets and like got some stuff going on. But like I wasn't good, but I like looked cool, which is, you know, just as important. That's half the battle. OK, what was the name of your band, if you don't mind me asking? We had two. The first one was called If Winter Ends. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love that. Oh, I love that. That's a sentence. That's a whole sentence. Furnace Fest stage two. And then we got into some more math rock, and we called that art damage because we were playing with really messed up time signatures. So that was like Battles, Mars Volta you kind of vibe? Yeah, exactly. I really love both of these things. It's very cool. This was in New York? Yeah. Where were you guys playing? East Hampton, Suffolk County, Stephen Talk House. Me and Lightning Bolt are doing a bunch of shows in the Hamptons. Hello, East Hamptons. We're doing... I've always wanted to make an all... There's a girl Morrissey cover band called Morrissey. Does that not exist? I feel like that has to already exist. Come on. I don't think it does. How's your singing voice? I feel like you might be able to hold a note. Maybe Benny and I can do some workshopping, but right now I do a dead-on Cher impression, which isn't so far away from Morrissey. No, no, no. Morrissey's a projector. There's some... Affectation going on, of course. How do you say that, Jess? You do give a lot of Cher, which is... Oh, that's... I mean... That's high praise, isn't it? The highest. Yeah, that is great. I mean, Cher... Does Cher still have a beautiful head of hair? I think so. Who knows what it is? Oh, yeah. But it's there. It's on her head. Good point. Good point. It looks good. We don't want to test it, kind of see what that is. She still looks great. She tweets like a fucking champion. Yeah, she's a great tweeter. Jess, your life partner, creator of High Maintenance, a show that I happen to love.

Over the years, for sure, my brother and I both love it. You also seem to be friends through Martha, friends with Snoop Doggy Dog. So how often are you kind of hitting the Obama run? How much are you hitting the gelato? You know, Ben's actually down in Puerto Rico right now filming the show called The Resort. He's been there since January. Whoa, is it dry down there? Can you get any flour down there? No, he's good. He's good. Okay, he's good. Yeah. But I feel like I've really cooled off while he's been down there. Out of solidarity? Or he just, he bought it and now you don't feel like it? Oh, it was always around. Babe, I don't have any fucking cash. So when Ben's in town, it's always just there and like, hey, you want to hit this? And then you're like, yeah, sure. But now you don't want to have to plan it and be like, I got to do it. You don't care that much either way. I'm not sitting around at home alone smoking. But if I'm social, I took a bong hit for the first time in what seems like forever at Benny Blanco's birthday party. Was Benny hitting the bong? I didn't know that. It was a high school-themed birthday party, and it was the most fun I've had in history. Did you get ripped? Not only did I get ripped, but I wore a crop top, juicy velour suit. Oh, yeah. And a heavy Britney Spears inspired eye makeup. And I was what Benny called truly unrecognizable. Really? Which was really fun. I don't know if you've been truly unrecognizable to anyone lately, but you can just take on a whole new... Yeah, I guess for you to be dressed as a euphoria-style, juicy couture Britney Spears chick would seem very unlikely for you based on your normal day-to-day aesthetic. But for me, I'm 6'9", so... I could be dressed up as truly anything or anyone, and they'll be like, what's up, Jason? I don't know. Maybe some eyeliner, a different look. I like the idea of Jason. Yeah, Jason, if we shaved your face and did some contouring, I think we could really do something.

Not a bad idea. Shaving your face can be a dramatic change. I know. I'm too afraid. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. Has Ben done it? Ben did it on that same trip to Portugal. In fact, I believe he was beardless the day that we went on the smoothie spiral. No, no, no. It was the day after. Shaving my beard, I would spiral as well. He shaved his beard and I couldn't stop staring at him. I was just like... And he's like, can you stop looking at me like that? And I was like, no, I can't. Well, how is it making you feel? He looked so different. And it was like a completely different experience. I thought sometimes that worked because then it felt like you were having sex with someone else. It did, but it's also sort of shocking. Yeah, it's shocking. I've never felt the bottom part of his face before. I didn't even know what was going on. The thing for me that's the biggest difference is the mustache part of the beard. When that goes, I think that changes the way a man looks so much more than the bottom part of the beard, perhaps. See, yours is like Ben's beard envelopes his whole mouth. Yeah, he's got a big, fat, juicy one. So I didn't even know what his mouth really is. looked like. So you said, you said what that mouth do and he said, I'm sorry, I had no choice, Jason. So you finally got to find out what that mouth do is what Chris is saying. Yeah, he, and he has like this like little sneaky smile like that you can't, no one can see. So do you, do you like, yeah, do you like, yeah, do you like it more? Because I worry like, because my, my girlfriend every once in a while will be like, ask me what I would look like without it. and i worry i think there's like ask you what ask you what you would look like without it i mean like like how are you saying like it's she's very fascinating to see because she's never seen me without a beard so she's like i want to see what the bottom of your chin looks like you know whatever but i think that there's like a 50 50 chance where i'll be like you don't want to see this and she'll be like do it and then i shave it and she'll be like you're right i don't like it i did not want to see it i really didn't so you did you like it um well the first thing that i

I never considered, but Ben considers, is that it's not exposed to sunlight. Yeah. So if he goes off in one swoop, his face is two different colors. He's got a reverse farmer's tan. Yeah. So that's something to consider. Also, I've heard that it can be very traumatic for people. I asked my dad when I was like four years old, hey, what would you look like without a mustache? And he went in the bathroom and shaved it off. could have also been another point where my life... Yeah, that's a big deal. That's a known thing. Like, Daddy, where are you? Like, I don't recognize you. I've heard that a lot. So what I'm saying is maybe go about it, like, in a gradual... Proceed with caution. Like, maybe first try no beard, just the mustache. Yeah, I think that's where I'm going. Yeah. I'm vetoing that. Yeah, I think once I lose my beard and mustache... I will just look like a bitch is the problem. I'll look like a real punchable guy and I'll lose all my mojo. Austin Powers style. It's a powerful thing to be able to hide half your face. Well, it's also a common thing called hat fishing. If your man is always showing up with the Supreme 5 panel, it doesn't even come off in the sack. It's probably because obviously his hair is either gone or he has a funny shaped head. And that is a common problem. women and men have to deal with. Yeah, a lot of bearded gents will hide their weak chin or their double or triple chin. We really got to the bottom of it today with you, Jess. I know, I don't want it to end. I'm having a lot of fun talking to you guys. Well, you can come on again and we can talk. You don't need to have a book to come on and chat with us, Jess. Yeah, we don't even like promotion, really. We prefer just to chat, but in this case... Because Lily was so persuasive and we love salad so much, we were like, fuck it, let's do it. The book is available in stores. It's called Salad Freak. There's a nice picture of burrata mandarins and fresh olive oil on the cover. A foreword by Martha Stewart, my auntie. Shout out to Martha Stewart. Use the promo code Martha at checkout for 20% off your next pair of Skechers. That's right. Yeah, don't forget to do that. They make a 17 for you, Jason. Jess, where can people find you on the World Wide Web? You can follow me on Instagram at Jess Damick.

That's D-A-M-U-C-K. And I have a website, but nothing crazy going on there. Sure, sure. Merely a portal to get to your social channels. So Damik, Damik, not Damuk. Oh, I think I said Damuk by accident. I apologize. It's okay. I need a new last name. That's the truth. Something to work on. Well, hopefully, Ben, if you're listening, Ben. I know you're on set or whatever, but, you know, if you're listening. You're going to send them into a total spiral with that one, guys. No problem. We live there. We love you, Ben. We love you, Ben. Yeah, Jess, thank you for joining us, and we'll see you soon. Have a good one. Yeah, come over soon. I'll make you salad pizza. All right, bye, guys. Bye-bye.