426. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Chris Black coming to you live from the Bat Cave over here in Lower Manhattan. It's a gray... nasty day in new york um i've of course of course been up since 5 30 on the grussel jason it's a little earlier than usual today how are you how are you feeling oh i'm good yeah it's 8 50 i actually woke up at 4 a.m today so i'm a little more grussely than you are just a little bit What happened? Did an alarm go off? Did your ring camera alert? Or was this just natural? Or did a dog jump on your head? My trail cam went off. I had about an eight-point buck in the yard, so I had to kind of load up and get out there. Jason keeps his shotgun next to his bed, not for intruders because Glendale is so safe, but for the bucks. that kind of can traipse through the backyard. You never know when you're going to have to get a 12-pointer. California, it's a desert. A lot of people don't know that. And, you know, there are a lot of wild animals around here that you have to watch out for. I actually, well, she, my girlfriend, she had an early shoot today in, I think, in Venice, unfortunately. She had to be in Venice at like 4 or at 6.30 a.m. So she had to leave at like, you know, 5.

I was helping her out with some stuff. I actually got really into my fashion bag the last couple days, being a nice life partner and helping her out with some DIY projects. I was altering garments live in the flesh. I've been witness to this, and it does feel a little more like Michael's Arts and Crafts than it does Vogue Fashion Closet. But I think because of your love for blue-collar work, it kind of – it's like if you were gay, this would be your blue-collar work. I was distressing a lot of garments. I was doing paint splattering as well as garment burning. So I got to pull out my blowtorch as well as my graffiti skills were flexed. Wow. Okay, so this is – All right, so blowtorch, you're taking the blowtorch away from the creme brulee, and you're taking it to the cheap denim. And I feel like are we – is it possible that we're going to get a Them Jeans gallery department capsule collection after these customized pieces? Is it possible that Carolyn is going to kind of help you? resell some of these one-of-one kind of custom pieces that you were able to craft well i don't know about the clothing of gallery department as well as you do so i can't speak on that specifically but i did get bit by the bug and it's i guess it's a little more kind of you know it's giving a little more balenciaga in in terms of the distressing or like Or, you know, the RAF and the Rick and the things like that, you know, shoes that have semen all over them and looks like they've been run over by a Panzer tank or something like that. That was kind of more what I was saying, which is not really my flavor. I'm a little bit more into, you know. preppy collegiate style brooks brothers you know clean sure clean stuff like that thing real real designers you know they they wear an understated uniform much like you but sometimes the design the art comes out differently you know um and i think that gallery department is famous for splatters that's part of the reason that i'm yeah they're famous for a flared double knee splatter um which

Those are a lot of things to combine into one transformer of a pant, that's for sure. Those are a lot of words. But I think with a TJ touch, because of your background in the street arts, I think that maybe you could bring a flair that others wouldn't be able to add to the canvas in this case. Yeah, I'm blowing minds with my spray in an ASAP type of way. Yeah, brand new Zara jeans. That shit's blowing minds. It was kind of fun. I mainly love helping my partner more than anything. I'm not looking for a handout, you know what I'm saying? You don't have to do this, bro. You don't have to bullshit. These people know that you hated every second of this, but once you discovered that it was possible... to kind of do graffiti in a legal way and then profit off of it, you know, you kind of, your ears, your giant ears perked up is what it sounds like to me. Well, it's less fun because, I mean, it was definitely like reminding me of my age and my narc-dom living my suburban dad lifestyle because, like, graffiti is fun because you go and you vandalize private property and then you go home and, do hard drugs and drink canned beer and stuff like that. But in my situation, I had to clean everything up and I have to set up a protective tarp. Okay, so you're saying the protective tarpaulin that you had to purchase kind of took away from the rush that you would normally get from the train yard. Yeah, yeah. All the danger element had been removed because I'm in my driveway laying down a plastic tarp and then being like, oh, watch out. Don't get this splatter on my... So you're saying that no Krylon touched the Uggs. Not a drip. But also I had to...

The project involved, this is very insider info behind the scenes. This is some Demna-level stuff that a lot of people aren't privy to. Okay, no, I don't know if we want Dimna-level stuff right now. Like a couple weeks ago, it would be a joke about a bag of chips. Now I think that that might be a little different. I'm on my Dior and I shit. Every time I finish spraying down a garment, I hold my face. You know that picture of Bjork? Yes. That iconic picture where she's sort of like holding her face, maybe about to cry? Yes. Just in awe of what you've accomplished, you kind of have to sit back for a second and be like, damn, is this real life? Am I really creating art on this scale every time a new garment had been splatter painted? But I couldn't do just a regular spray paint. It needed to be a splatter. And they had specific Pantone colors that they wanted for this. So we had to buy regular Sherwin-Williams bucket paint. And then I had to buy like a sprayer, like a hand pump sprayer, and then figure out how to get the right splatter going on. It was a whole thing. Basically, my partner would be jobless without me is what I'm saying. Okay, so we're looking for – we got Dior tiers this week. It looks like we're going to get Dior jeans next season. Bro, it was – It was so beautiful what I was doing to these jeans. They were actually denim tears that were being cried by myself. Because this is bringing to mind, okay, obviously gallery department, but now that I'm thinking more, when you keep saying the word splatter, it's bringing me into Sterling Ruby territory, who is an artist that you may or may not be familiar with, but he also has a clothing line that is splatter-based. We don't know her. That sounds like a young adult author. Sterling Ruby, you said? No, no, no. Conversations with Friends by Sterling Ruby. Sterling Ruby is another LA-based designer who loves to splatter. So I think between Sterling and Gallery Department, we have two possible collaborators for them, Jeans, to kind of get into this high fashion world.

I'm a little – Kim Jones hasn't noticed you yet, but, like, I mean, look, ERL, denim tears, them jeans. It's kind of – it feels good to me. That's my Mount Dressmore, basically. Okay, so anybody out there, if you guys work in the fashion space and want to kind of connect Jason with someone from Sterling Ruby's camp, we can go down to Venice and to one of the giant warehouses and run over a canvas with a motorcycle and then kind of get our Jackson Pollock on with a certain... But with a certain streetwear flair that I think you're able to bring that maybe some of these other guys can't, Jason. Yeah. Some of the other creators in the space that I compete with, you know, Chris Brown, Justin Bieber, these are kind of the names that I am in the circles with. Yeah. Not only my peers, but also my competition. That's how it be. I mean, I would say sometimes, you know. I would say to Chris Brown and Justin Bieber, shut up and sing. You know what I mean? But for you, I'm not going to say shut up and talk. I'm going to say I think it's time for you to explore this in a more real way because I think that the fashion space could use some disruption. And I think that maybe you're the guy to do it because you're coming. You have an inside knowledge, but you're coming from the outside, which sometimes that perspective can shed new light on something that we've all seen a million times before. And I just don't want you to feel discouraged because of the competition out there. I want you to shit on your haters, as they say. And I will shit on my haters. Yeah, I mean, with fashion, it's a switch that I can't turn off. I don't really have the power to do that. It's not really an option. Your foot is on the motherfucking gas. at all times and if if you're going chris brown mode that gas is a three-wheeled car unfortunately but uh i think that i think that i think that in in your case it could be a more tasteful you know navy blue mercedes uh speaking speaking of chris brown i was some recent uh speaking of he was he was he was a trending twitter topic not because of anything bad that he had done but in in something that

might upset you um it was resurfacing the information that he uh-oh frank ocean a long time ago beat up chris brown and they were talking about how they're like some videos were resurfacing um some like frank ocean fight videos where we in fact learned that chris uh that that frank ocean has hands anything anything that's frank ocean related that has nothing to do with his music or his like arterics stock outfits i'm all for Anything he does outside of the music or fashion space, I find quite interesting. His tumbler, excellent. His hands, also excellent. And do you think he learned that? Okay. Do you think he learned that? Or do you think that he's just a natural kind of... Natural scrapper? Do you think he's got Tyson-like... do you think he's ever practiced or do you think it just comes naturally and chris brown he said not today was like so like what did he learn by the code of the streets or did he go to like a boxing class at dog pound and then figure it out did he do did he do did he do rumble in sunset plaza or did he did he in fact learn this from the streets i think i'm gonna go streets i'm gonna go streets i think he probably had a couple like badass little cousins and they used to get to scrapping and things like that and He does have impressive hands. I don't know if I'd want to tangle with him in a parking lot somewhere. Oh, no, I definitely don't. I think that he's got a lot to be mad about. He's getting dick from wherever he wants. He's buying all of his expensive clothes. He's got that blue big couch that everybody jerks off to. He lives in the Jenga building. He rides one of those electric bikes through Tribeca, and white men' jaws drop to the floor when they see him. So it's, I mean, I don't know what he has to be mad about, but I think that Chris Brown inspires that kind of vitriol in people. And I think that that's something that we need to inspect in your innards because Chris brings you joy where he sparks hatred in most people. I could admit as a member of Team Breezy that he does.

constantly deserve to be punched okay so okay i'm okay with it it's it's part of his milieu and his and and all of those other words i think yeah no i i agree with you i think his punch ability unfortunately does not take away from his hit making ability and those two things it seems like tj is able to separate yeah i mean if it was a dance-off uh smart money's on breezy but uh also speaking of fashion In a couple short days, I will be attending the Celine fashion show, Chris. Yeah. And it's a show that I've been a little... I was excited to go, but I'm a little nervous because I'm not really a heady kind of dresser. I'm not a Celine kind of dresser. You're a heady dresser, H-E-D-Y. Yeah, yeah. H-E-A-D-Y, but not heady slimane. No, I agree. I'm the right kind of heady. I hate to miss this Celine concert that happens to have clothes in it, but I think that you'll be just fine because from what I've seen on Instagram, it's not necessarily a fashion crowd that's getting the invites. It's a little bit all over the place. Yeah, I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I'm starting to see some of these not bold names posting. their uh invites on instagram stories whereas i thought i was pretty special when i got the hand delivered celine bag with the the invitation in it that's the size of a small marine a large book they have to well they don't just give these things out to anyone but now i'm starting to learn that in fact they might be giving them out to just about anyone all right this episode of how long gone is brought to back quince Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and that are just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone. It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you.

How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code How long? Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. They have to fill the will turn, you know, which I don't know what the cap is, but, you know, you don't want it empty. And the amount of money they're spending on the live performances alone, I'll tell you what, my jaw's on the floor. Yeah, who are the people that are playing, Chris? I'm not allowed to say that. I don't want to release that information. But let's just say that it's leaning indie sleaze. Yeah, basically whoever's opening for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, they will be playing the Celine party. But I do find it interesting. I mean, I was talking about this at a dinner the other night with some fashion industry insiders at Sunset Tower. The money being spent on these shows, like Dior was in Cairo, YSL was in Marrakesh. Obviously, this show's in LA, but the talent budget is staggering. It's just, is the ROI there, or is it just like a dick-measuring contest? That is the question. Because it's like, we spent $20 million to fly all the influencers to Marrakesh for one night.

And the Instagrams were lit. The pictures are sick. And Evan Mock looked great in the clothes. But is it like – what is the long tail on that? Like does it actually increase sales or is it only to – stunt and be like look how relevant we are look how uh artistic we are look how far we're willing to go to make something interesting happen which i i appreciate it all it all looks amazing and it's cool but it just seems like at a certain point the bar is going to get so high that no one's going to be able to jump over it Yeah, it is kind of, you do have to remember at the end of the day that this is a for-profit business where like, yes, it's great that you make a lot of money, but the net and the gross do matter in a business like that. And I wonder, I've always wondered that for the longest time where like, yes, you have to spend money as a marketing cost for all this stuff, but at a certain point is the ROI, return on investment for our listeners who are not initiated. Is the ROI really making sense? Is that money being spent in the best way possible? I'm going to say absolutely not. Well, it's like when you go to these shows, and maybe this one will be no different, but because of the setting, it might be harder to kind of parse. But you go to these shows, especially in Europe, and you're like, who are these lame – who are these 50 losers? And you're like, oh, those are the people that spend – $250,000 a year with Versace. And part of the deal is they get flown here. That's all it's really for, I feel like. Because I don't know. I mean, Celine particularly is, let's say, not the easiest thing to wear. Just based on body type alone and your skills on the Les Paul kind of determine how the blazer fits. So I just don't know. But I guess when it comes to brand awareness, and the reality is all these companies, as long as they can sell bags, sunglasses, and shoes, then they will continue to thrive, and maybe none of this matters, and that stuff is selling, so they just want to have fun. So you're saying it's all about accessories? Small leather goods and accessories, yes. I mean, a hit bag historically will push a company to the front of the line, which I think that...

We move a little quicker now than we used to, but that's still the case. I mean, you know, I don't know what you're carrying right now. I know you were like a Loewe puzzle guy and used to be a Balenciaga motorcycle girl, but I didn't know if you had kind of moved into another. You know, I'm a Louis Vuitton speedy girl myself. So I just wanted to tell you, except we've never talked about it. Yeah, I guess for me. On my Mount Bagmore, I mean, Ostrich Birkin, if I had to pick one. Mount Bagmore is the name of my new LLC. That's not a peewee long way of mixtape. I actually, I had a fashion conundrum. Or not conundrum. I think that I've only been in New York for a mere, you know, almost less than 24 hours and I've already spotted. something that I want to discuss that I'm sure the listeners have had experience with, and you might not as much just because of your West Coast base. I don't know. A couple weeks ago, I made fun of the 47 brand Yankees hat as kind of the go-to basic chick. It's chilly. I'm wearing my brunch boots, and I'm heading out with the girls to get a coffee. I've noticed another hat making waves. no pun intended, in the basic chick community. And I saw one yesterday, and I saw one today at Barry's Boot Camp, and it's unfortunately a mesh hat, and it is for something called Amber Waves Farm Market and Cafe located on Main Street in Amaganza. It is a 501c3 nonprofit farm. So it looks like – Just like Uncle Polly's. Yeah, it's like Uncle Polly's. They give back. So I was checking it out, and it looks like a place that's – we'd probably like it. It's got some sick produce, a lot of pictures of farming on the homepage. It's giving agriculture. Yeah, but then you get inside, and some of the prices aren't giving agriculture quite as much. But the Amber Waves Farm –

uh mesh hat is not it doesn't seem to be available online because i was going to buy you one well thank you but yeah i i i was just i was wondering if if because we talked about the mesh hat before have you ever seen it look good on anyone besides like uh i don't know tommy lee or or maybe or maybe um the the guy from punked brett michaels ashton kutcher yeah like who does that hat look good on and why is it coming back okay so i'm looking at yeah amber waves farm am against it new york and for our listeners at home when you say a mesh hat that could also be called like a trucker hat right yeah i apologize i i don't like to disrespect the hard-working trucker community by kind of uh yeah speaking ill of their culture. Yeah, what those guys are doing over there in Canada, we support you guys. So I Googled it, and it's a very basic-looking hat. It just says Amber Waves Farm in pretty standard Helvetica bold type, and then it says Amagansin below it. It looks as if my mom designed it or something in five minutes. It's not really giving anything dazzle. But it's giving I'm rich, which is the key. Sure. Because Amagansett is obviously a high net worth community located in the Hamptons where upper middle class to rich whites go to eat salads near the ocean. Sounds right up your alley. No, I'm sure it is. I'm sure the food's great. I'm sure the baguettes are $8 and taste delicious. But I don't think that the – I just – is fresh produce a stunt on the East Coast is what I'm getting at, Jason. Because it's such a bounty. in the in in california whereas if you don't have fresh produce it's like who are you you know whereas in in new york it's like let me get a couple slices you know what i mean so maybe some of these organic lettuces are the ultimate flex and to really let people know that you have those without having to invite them into your home for a salad

you can just wear this ugly mesh hat and let people know. Is that what's going on? I mean, definitely so. I think that obviously in our world where health is wealth and blah, blah, blah, the things that we put in our body, not everyone is privileged in the food deserts and the whatchamacallit, et cetera. I think that it's very possible for somebody to wear a mesh trucker hat and look cool. I know that you're pretty against it. I have a few of them. They have to have the right kind of fit to them because they can look big and wide and bro-y really quick. I know that your vintage Volcom Give Jeans a Chance trucker is on the shelf. I don't know if you're going to wear it, but will you wear it? I'm only not wearing it because the fit of it is wrong. The fit just is not working. It's really wide on my head. I hear you saying this, but I've never seen you attempt a meshy in public. Check out my Instagram stories, bro. It feels good. It feels good. And also, you know, I think certain people are attracted to the mesh trucker hat because it kind of gives you a little bit of blue collar stolen valor. It makes you feel like the guy who Lana Del Rey is having sex with at any given moment. It makes you look like you are good with your hands in and out of the bedroom and the greenhouse. It makes you look like, you know, you're... You're not only an intellectual, but you are in fact a physical person capable of doing labor and saving someone's life if you are in danger, which is all it really takes to have sex with people nowadays. No, I know, and I just can't. I personally, I guess it's because of our advancing age that watching trends come back around that weren't good the first time. uh hit hit even harder the second time around you know so it's like i didn't like this i didn't like this the first time and now you you tell me i got to see this again well they're making they're making it their own because before the trucker hat really was awful it was you know like you just said you listed all those people

Brett Michaels, Ashton Kutcher, Wilmer Valderrama, you know. No, not Wilmer, bro. Not Wilmer. Or just any, you know, like a Zach Bia type of person or, you know, wearing a cherry hoodie and a Chrome Hearts trucker. Hot. You know, those are things where you're going to be turned off by that look. But then I think other people are starting, or the most famous trucker hat of all, the Von Dutch hat. And I think people are rewriting the story and the narrative and taking the trucker hat and making it their own. Rewriting the story, you dramatic bitch. Rewriting the story. Yeah, they're making it their own the same way that white people who listen to Drain Gang. are rewriting the story of ivisu jeans and true religion you know maybe saving it because the true religion and ivisu and all those things like they had the hit every rapper wore them and then they kind of died and fell off and then people sort of resuscitated it so it can have a second life no you know what i mean kind of like i saw actually it was it was refreshing to see because the last few times i've seen the true ease in public it has been the supreme collaboration it's been some like you know uh tim coleman type wearing them baggy with something that makes them look cool and it pisses me off but yeah it looks cool i saw a guy on on labrea wearing a regular pair of true religions that fit him like shit like as god intended and it reminded it was cool i was like it's good to see that true religion is back to the point or like a regular-ass guy thinks he needs to buy these and doesn't understand that it requires a lot of swag to pull them off in 2022. Well, that's the best part of streetwear and fashion, and there's a lot of similarities in my life in the culinary space as a culinary creator. Reach out if you ever need me to do any culinary content creation, of course.

But all the stuff that is exciting about that world is it's technique-based, and you're taking a thing that everyone thinks is lame and stupid and terrible, and you are increasing the difficulty level. Anyone can just go into the Celine store and buy a Celine whatever that is popular, or like you said, they can buy a motorcycle Balenciaga bag. or a birkin and you're wearing it but that doesn't mean that you're you're saucing it out that it means that you have enough money but the people who are taking this visu gene or a true religion and really saying like you know it's really hard to pull this off but i can do it and let me show you how and everyone else can attempt it and they think they're pulling it off but they're actually not like that that level of fashion risks and apparently you have the sauce that it takes um to make let's say the yeezy work or maybe the size 17 uggs dude thanks thanks so much man that's nice of you so what is next on tj's countdown these are these are the questions that i've been asking myself and okay because obviously you know the world of fashion and high fashion involves a lot of money and You have to spend a lot of fucking money on this shit when you want to level up and advance. And I'm starting to see, you know, I'm putting in the tip of my fashion penis. But I'm not producing a king-size thrust into that world, if that makes any sense at all, Chris. No, I understand. I understand. I just wondered if you... So I'm saying the tip is in... And it wants to go in further so bad. But my business checking is telling me, like, you could do that right now, but it's risky. And there's so many people, you know, in my life over the years who were living beyond their means in the fashion department. And just like, yeah, I don't have car insurance, but I need to buy these $500 jeans or I need this Rick scarf, even though.

I fucking eat Top Ramen for dinner. Like, I don't want to get into that zone. I still have my life that I want to live and the things I want to spend my money on. So all the things that I really want to start wearing, you know, like we did that. We did a thing where we're like, we're picking out some of our favorite outerwear. I'm like, oh, I would love to buy this stupid Vetements puffer jacket that's just covered in a bunch of like fall leaves. It's like. I'm looking at that like, oh, I could wear that a bunch of ways and it would be interesting and cool and funny. But also, I'm not going to spend $3,700 on something that's a cool and funny idea. Okay, so you would rather spend your money on important stuff like food, shelter. Kind of the pillars of our existence as human beings. That's cute for you. I've always admired people who love fashion or whatever cultural passion that they have. Fashion or music or whatever. Food is one of mine. There's been many times in my life where I was eating at restaurants that were outside of my pay grade just because I loved it so much. I've always admired that dedication to wearing amazing clothes and putting a great look together, even though you aren't making a shitload of money. That means you really care and you really are passionate about it, but I don't care that much, clearly, to do that yet. Thank you for saying what I couldn't say. It takes so much time as well. you know online shopping and and all this shit and putting together looks and it requires a lot of brain power and hunting things down and doing the research we know you don't have is brain power so i'm glad that you kind of pointed that out i have a lot of brain power just not in that world no no i i think it's something that i think it's something nice to see you coming to later in life but still understanding your boundaries and i appreciate the restraint

um that you're showing because you know you could be you could be stunting and flexing and you're not you know you're kind of you're you're just plain aren't but but it's also plain art i'm i'm i guess i'm also edging as well because i think you can feel it i can feel it that it's it's not happening now but it is on the horizon so you know in a couple years once i do get into the place where I will spend $3,700 on a puffer jacket with a bunch of leaves on it. On the puffer. It's going to feel that much better. The high is going to be that much higher. Okay, okay. It's a classic TJ Edge situation. And if that's what you want to call it, that's fine. And I think some people will believe you. Look, I want my nut to be good, not a bad nut. I want a good nut. I heard a lot of feedback. about um our wheelchair menace uh from last from last episode a lot of people could were not only you you shared some feedback where people had been uh victimized by this gentleman as well like kind of like let's put together a class action suit kind of vibe i i i had a lot of survivors reach out yeah um okay and i had a lot of people tell me damn that's funny as hell that that happened and i'm like I don't find it funny at all, actually. I find that crimes like that where there are clear victims, there's a clear situation of right and wrong, I don't see the humor at all. And the question that I have for you as a survivor, I know you've been able to go back into Alexander Wang's stores, which I'm really proud of you for figuring that out, but do you think you'll be able to return? to a nightlife scenario in the near future, or could that kind of cause some residual PTSD, some pain, some tears even? Well, it won't be easy, but I'm taking some precautions.

I did get some Celine steel toe boots, so the next time our menace does wheel over my shoe, I won't have to end up in the emergency room like I did on Saturday. Okay. I'm glad to know that you're able to kind of push through because I was, I don't know, I worry about you because a lot of your identity is wrapped up in nightlife. It's kind of where you got your start. some kind of rando stranger to ruin that would be upsetting to me, but also just upsetting for the entire nightlife community because I think they need you more than I need you. Damn, I never thought about it that way, but it's true. Yeah, I had multiple people reach out to me who were at that party who also said that person ran my shoe over with their wheelchair. So when you called him a wheeled menace, you were not mincing words. No, and I don't like to do this. I don't want to do this. What choice do I have? It is a touchy subject, of course, and obviously we're not insulting or shaming or any of this stuff. You can be a victim of an attack by someone who was disadvantaged or disabled, and that still doesn't mean I wasn't injured or... You know, assault is a strong word. Some people might use it. I wouldn't. Obviously, I live to rave another day. But other people who aren't as strong as I am. Yeah, they might not recover as quickly. Yeah, they might take umbrage with it. I want to talk about egging. Okay, like egging someone's house or car? I just saw this morning that King Charles was egged. I just think it's really cool to do that, and I think we should bring that back. I fantasize about egging constantly, and this is not a joke. Like egging a person, a house, a car? Okay, so basically whenever I'm driving in traffic and somebody does something fucked up to me, cuts me off, almost hits me, their car is merging in, they steal a parking spot, any type of...

road rage incident where you just have to be like well that fucking sucked i i always just say and i want to talk to our friend uh friend of the show benjamin edgar he made that single use kind of milled aluminum cigarette oh i like where this is going i like where this is so he's he's got a if you if you don't know check out benjamin edgar he makes lots of cool little Industrially engineered objects and he makes them very well and one of the things he made was a single-use cigarette holder It's just a little metal tube that you hold one cigarette in you know after a meal at Odeon and you want to have a cheeky cig whatever it is I want him to make a single egg holder that will protect it keep it from cracking So that when I do need to produce and throw an egg at someone's car or someone's body it's right there for me and i don't have to carry the whole dozen with me in the car because i'm on the go of course and you know i don't always have my cross body with me and i don't always The idea of you having a supreme crossbody on and reaching in and pulling out a single egg to throw at someone. No, but I – because when I was kind of a badass little kid, we would get eggs and then drive around at night and kind of throw them. at oncoming cars from a car yeah yeah of course of course you know we'd be crossing you'd hit the windshield obviously the driver would freak out no one would wreck or die but it was a nice little prank that you know of well i mean i okay fair no harm no foul as far as i'm concerned i'm only saying that because i speak i'm speaking of a situation that where some death could have happened yeah yeah i mean i think that rocks would cause more If it was something that would shatter the windshield, I think death becomes her. Well, I've done it one time. Well, we used to do that. We would go to the supermarket where they have displays outside, out front of it, where there will be pallets of 12 packs of Coke and toilet paper and things like that. And then they'll also have the displays of watermelon set up. And we would go.

and steal, you know, a couple, two, three watermelons. A couple, two, three melons, bro? You were going melon mode? You know, I took a couple, two, three seedless watermelons imported from Japan. You know what I'm saying? You're telling me you were hurling melons at cars? Yeah, so you get the watermelon, you and your boys. you and your people you're driving down a residential street at you know five in the morning and you're going you know about a buck buck oh five on the on the dash you got to go fast and then you all you have to you don't have to throw the watermelon because it's hard to throw a watermelon from like you just let go you just stick it out the window and kind of let go and that yeah the windshield is obviously smashed instantly and then there's a couple times where we did that where it was like We should probably stop. This is not nice. The egg thing was more of a classic prank, but my personal favorite revenge was tire slashing or shooting tires with pellet guns. Oh, really? Okay, that's actually a good topic because I have some questions for you about that. Because if one of my enemies tried to threaten me or do something physical, I would obviously go to their house in the middle of the night and then slash all the tires on their Jeep Wrangler. And let's not forget, the spare is going too. That's the real way to get somebody. If you're going to slash tires, you've got to do four plus one. You can't leave out the spare because it's just a nice extra sprinkling of shittiness that they deserve. You are a bastard. Okay, so yeah, shooting out the spare, that's an extra level of, I guess it is giving cunt. It's a thing that I've been thinking about because maybe about a month ago, I was driving in my neighborhood with my whole family unit, doggos and all. Yeah, I was going to ask, like, who's in the unit? Yeah, it was me and the girls.

And we were driving down a residential street. I have 20 on the dash, as I should. And there was a person that lives a couple streets down that was parked, like parallel parked in front of a house. And it was like a group of teens, maybe like three or four teens in a Subaru. And they pull out of the parking spot into oncoming traffic, which is like right where I am. And they almost hit the car. And I had to honk and swerve and yell and all that stuff. And you do the thing. Whenever something like that happens, you always do the slow down so you can look at the person in the eye. Yeah, you want a little contact. You want a little contact. But you kind of have to mouth the words like, you stupid motherfucker. Yeah, you got to let them know. You got to let them know. And I look at it, and it's like a group of maybe three or four. you know, late teens, early 20s people, and they are laughing at me. Oh, they said... Laughing at me because they... Old fella is a little upset. Yeah, yeah. Old fella was a little upset only because you, you know, if I didn't swerve out of the way, you would have crashed your Subaru into the Tesla. And they thought that it was funny that I was overreacting and yelling at them and calling them pieces of shit. I just think it's funny how this old man was so mad and we almost hit him. So I'm obviously not going to fist fight a 19-year-old girl in a Subaru for a number of reasons. This person lives [redacted address] past their car constantly. Okay. I think there's some things to be done here. First, I think we start with a threatening note. kind of ransom style where you cut the letters out of magazines. Just kind of put that under, if you put that under the windshield wiper. And what does the threatening note say exactly? I think... Like you fucked up, pal? No, I think something less threatening and more I'm watching you. So something more like you know what you did. Well, that's the problem is because

I need to exact my revenge, but I also don't want to leave any clues or snitch on myself because the whole purpose or my whole goal right now, which I've sort of ruined by talking about this publicly to tens of thousands of people. So I am sort of dry snitching on myself, but I wanted to wait so long that these teens forgot about our interaction. And then, you know, a year from now, six months from now, I do a Chris Black method where, you know, the tires get slashed, including the spare. You know, maybe I hire some of my friends in the family, quote unquote, to, you know, I'd hate for something to happen to your catalytic converter. You know what I mean? I would hate for something to happen. The problem is, is that when we were doing our little petty crimes, we were young enough. to claim stupidity and not do jail time. And now at our advanced age, um, imagine if you imagine if you got caught stealing a, a teenager's catalytic converter to teach them a lesson, uh, in your neighborhood, that would be, uh, yeah. I mean, I wouldn't do the catalytic. stealing myself i would not convert their the converter into you would have one of your goons i'd have a foot soldier i'd have a pawn in the game of course at that point i am worried that they will rat me out of course glendale pd will kind of interrogate them and they want to go up to the top they want to know who their boss is and who their boss's boss is at a certain point you know my my instagram profile pic will be at the top of a dry erase board the other problem is back when we were youths, you could do something like this, and they'll wake up, and all their tires are slashed, and they're going to be like, that fucking sucks. Now, they wake up, the tires are slashed, they look at their ring cams, their neighbor's ring cams, you know, and you could piece together. That's true. And also, if I'm working by cover of night, even if I am wearing a hoodie and a shysty balaclava,

You're easy. Yeah, it's like when they see the Bigfoot on the trail cam footage, and it's a fucking nine-foot tall creature. They're like, I've seen this bitch walking his two little dogs with a sustainable coffee cup the last three days in a row. We know where to find him. Exactly, exactly. So I don't know what I'm going to have to do. I'm going to have to maybe the wheelchair. Maybe it's the wheelchair. Maybe I will make amends with my wheeled menace and be like, hey, We'll call it even if you let me borrow your wheels for the night. And it is motorized. So I'll kind of zoom up in the bike lane. This is good. So you're in the HOV lane? Am I wearing a grandma's wig in a Medea-style situation? Yeah, I am. So Jason goes Medea mode to finally get back his teenage neighbors for sort of cutting him off one day in the car. I think we could also go back to something really kind of archaic and maybe get some of our young foot soldiers to toilet paper the car. And I'm talking mummy mode. Like this shit is tight. Like it looks like Elizabeth Taylor coming out of plastic surgery. You know what I mean? Like this shit is wrapped up like it's gauze. The mirrors can't open. Okay. You know, so it's almost like a, it's a breakable tape, if you will. And luckily it doesn't rain that much in Southern California. This could, if you do it right, the doors could be shut for days until they cut it off. With a pocket knife or something. So you want the Forrester to look like Kirstie Alley in a Mugler dress. Exactly. I want this shit. This is holding on for dear life. Yeah, exactly. I want this shit to look like Hervé Legere's draped over Kim's butt. You know what I mean? Like this needs to really, really. Bingo. I think that this could. I think that.

is such a throwback that these youngsters wouldn't even know. They would be like, what is that? Is that toilet paper? We don't use that. We have a bidet. What is that? I think that's even a better lesson to teach. There's less victims, and there's no way that you could legally really be held accountable. No cop is going to arrest a 42-year-old man for toilet papering a Subaru. This is a very good point. It's not going to have the sting that I need. I want to have the egg on the hood that bakes into the paint and is forever sullied. Well, what we could do is add a little extra flavor to the TP, and maybe let's ideate on what we could put under the door handles, if you know what I mean. Oh, fentanyl. Well, I was thinking more since you're already picking up shit on a daily basis. Why not repurpose that under the handles of every door, all four doors, and let's not forget the trunk. An old-fashioned doo-doo door. An old-fashioned doo-doo door, that's a victimless crime. You're curbing your dog and then sustainably reusing it. It's actually a nice thing to do if you think about it. Put that on your Citizen app and smoke it. I just think that the toilet paper idea is an easier idea. We can call Mikey and Tim. I know they don't have plans this weekend and kind of see what they're up to. You're looking to make a little extra scratch this weekend? I know you took a hit on St. John's and Yukon. He took a hit on Kansas State women's volleyball this weekend. He didn't cover the spread for the guys back east. Bro, the idea of hiring people with gambling debts to toilet paper a car to cover because they're down $100 is something that we should exploit. We need to exploit the gambling community to commit petty crimes for us. That's something that we should look into more. You want to talk about sustainability?

Yeah, let me say, oh, you talk about reduce, reuse, recycle. I got some news for you. I saw this morning on First Avenue, as I was leaving, walking home, I saw a hot New York chick carrying an open container of munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts, eating them. Like, that was breakfast. Okay, when you say an open container, and also a munchkin for our listeners who don't know, those are like a donut hole, right? For our listeners, it's an American Timbit. Okay, so this is the type of thing that only a hot New York chick could do, which is walk around and have donuts for breakfast. It was incredible. She was dressed super well, like hair done, makeup done, like strutting, looking good, confident. And I'm like, what is she? Oh, she's just having a glazed donut hole at 9 a.m. on a Monday. So this must have confused your penis, I'm assuming, because normally that type of behavior and activity. is not up your alley right no but just somebody eating breakfast alone no eating breakfast can be chic i think actually breakfast is the chicest meal of the day really if you if you want to get into them i guess you're right um but she wasn't having you know uh a hard-boiled egg Or even a, you know, black coffee. Or, I mean, God forbid, an Earl Grey with a little bit of milk. She didn't have a chia seed go-gurt. But what I like about this is because, and I don't like to admit this, really, is I have a pretty rich history with the munchkin community. Growing up, my mother... Often worked weekend nights at Piedmont Hospital delivering babies. And so Monday mornings. Hold for sympathy applause. Hold for sympathy applause. My mother, a saint who birthed a devil. So she would come home on Monday mornings. And lo and behold, she would have a little 20-piece munchkin on the counter for fat little Chris to nibble on. So when I saw this hot New York chick munching on the munchkins.

It just brought me back to my childhood, I think is what it was, and it did make me emotional. So this was your Ratatouille moment. I don't know if you've ever seen that film. I've never seen Ratatouille, but I know that it does have emotional ups and downs. Am I correct? Yeah, at the end of the film, there's like a chromogeny French food critic that hates everything, and he's super judgmental. Nobody can win him over. And then he takes a bite of this ratatouille that was made by a mouse using a human boy as sort of the conduit to create on a human-sized kitchen. And then he eats this simple dish of kind of cooked vegetables. And then he has this epiphany moment back to his childhood when his mom made the ratatouille. And he's like, oh, yeah, three Michelin stars for this motherfucker. Okay, so you see the Timbits. And even though you know this is a disgusting food to be eating, you're instantly whisked back to childhood and those memories that we've maybe been trying to kind of brush under the rug a little bit if we want to be vulnerable. It's true. And I think that the munchkin is, you know, in theory, it's like a nice donut option because you have a couple and that's like half a donut. You know what I mean? Yeah. And the beauty of – well, sorry to interrupt. The beauty of getting a 20-piece is you can eat half of them, and then when you flush the other 10 down, it still looks pretty substantial. And that visual cue of seeing 10 donuts being flushed down the toilet – It makes you feel as if you have eaten none at all. That's true, and this is before my flushing era. Let's give them something to flush about. I would probably eat all 20, but I think that the real thing about the Munchkin 20-pack is the mixing and matching of flavors and textures. I'm going to appeal to your foodie nature here, but that makes a big difference because I'm a traditional glazed guy if I'm being forced to hole.

And you might be more of a cake guy or a chocolate guy. I don't know what you're into. So if you get the grab bag, it's something for everybody. And I'm desperate to know what this woman's mix was. Because I couldn't tell by looking at her which way she would lean when she bellies up to the donut. I'm sure she listens to the pod. Local First Street hottie, send me a DM. Not about anything else. None of your vulgar photos. I want to know if you get a 20-pack. Let's see what the dynamic range is. Actually, just all ladies in general, let us know your munchkin orders. I know you guys are low-key getting munchkins on the weekends. I know you post the pictures of your lattes and your croissants and maybe your omelets. But I know that when the iPhone 13 is charging in the other room, you're really just shoveling those holes in your mouth. And I don't blame you, sweetheart. The iPhone's charging in the other room. That's where my fast cable is. The holes are good, man. The holes are good. And I've been thinking about the holes ever since I saw this beautiful site this morning. So what else? Chris has... hole on the mind what else is new you know sounds like another tuesday in new york i know i mean that's it really i'm just running around i have some work to do obviously um we have the uh j crew holiday soiree uh at odion um which i'm which will be fun i missed that going to a a dinner at front of the show emile's house tonight um that's supposed to be um spicy i don't mean that I don't mean the participants. I mean the cuisine. The cuisine. Yeah. He'll be having some selections from the northern Thai region if I know my Emil. Say hi to his cat for me and make sure to smoke a cigarette indoors for me. My two favorite things in his house, aside from his hi-fi sound system. Well, I'm kind of learning some new stuff to play on the piano.

Because right now I'm kind of trying to get past Chopstick, so hopefully I can kind of get some Bach. Yeah, as soon as Pitchfork dropped their top 100 songs of the year, you learn the first 10 every year just to kind of... Exactly, for the holiday season. Yeah, I mean, we have a little bit of time, but Jason sent me the Pitchfork 100 songs, and as you can imagine, it's twisted. Have you really never heard of the band Always? Never heard of them. Never heard of them. I listened to the song. It wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. Always the new album is something that so many people in my life are like, Chris, you're going to fucking love this. And I tried 10 times to like it, and it just did nothing for me. It's not bad by any means. It's just like it doesn't have any returnability for me personally. But the point is that that song is number one is pretty insane. Well, Pitchfork always has to have the number one song be a curveball. Yeah, of course. What we come to expect from them and actually what I enjoy about them. To give shine, it is a little bit of the Bon Appetit best new restaurant of the year kind of thing where it's a blessing and a curse. Except for bands, it doesn't matter because that just means you can just play at a bigger venue if you sell more tickets. But I like that about Pitchfork. The band reminded me of like, I don't know, it was like half My Bloody Valentine, half... Phoebe Bridgers, but if Phoebe was, I don't know, different. It was like a parallel universe, Phoebe Bridgers kind of thing. It wasn't bad. Number two is Destroyer, which I've always thought was boring. People love Destroyer, but I could never get into it. I'm glad to see number three, Glorilla, FNF. Yeah, Glorilla F&F is better than every song in the top 15 except for Steve. Is Steve Lacey Bad Habit in the top 10? I don't think it is. It's not. And the best part about Pitchfork reviews are when, or I guess not anymore because it's a little more racially diverse, but whenever you would have, they always felt the need to add all of these very kind of gritty underground street rap artists like Chief Keef is always on there.

And the review is always written by somebody named some literary white dude who lives in Delaware. You go to his contributor page and it's like, yeah, I live in Greenpoint with my two cats and I also contribute to N Plus One, The Drift, and The Atlantic. It's post-crunk with an early kind of jerk essence to it and with a rousing chorus. Rousing chorus. I can't repeat the rousing chorus because it would be racially charged, but you guys know what it is. So I'm glad Pitchfork has black people writing reviews as well now. Alex G at number four. I didn't listen to his new album that much, but his last album was classic. That shit absolutely slaps. Is it Runaway? Runner. Oh, Runner. I'm sorry, Runner. Yeah, it's because people say it sounds like Soul Asylum. runaway train oh which it does what but i'm like okay every song sounds like something and that song's good too so i'm i'm with it bro it is sounding like runaway train by soul asylum known as a good thing i don't know i mean i think when that song came out it was it was known as a cheesy song yeah but it's uh i was i was i was only a kid when it came out so i wasn't but if you listen to it now you're like oh this song is i mean the the video that was like pretty heavy-handed about children runaway children i think made it feel a little cornier than it actually is as a song yeah i remember the the end of the video it showed real live Mug shots. Yeah. Or I guess mug shots. No, like milk carton. Milk carton, Florida. Yeah, yeah. I know. Which that part was cool. Number five, Beyonce, Alien Superstar. I'm good. I'm good. I'm sure hopefully the ballroom artist that created that original song is getting points off of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Number six, Speeding Off the Edge of the World, a song that you like with a friend of the show, Perfume Genius. Yeah, that song is good. I'm a big perfume genius head. We still need to get perfume on the pod, man. What the fuck? I know. I've hit him multiple times, and he doesn't respond. PG, you think you're better than me? Yeah, PG, we run in the same gay circles. Don't run from us. Yeah, yeah. My life partner styled him for an iconic shoot. Yeah, great shoot.

Number seven, Rosalia, my girl. Rosalia. Glad to see her on there, of course. Not my favorite song from the album, Salco, but I'll take it. Number eight, Alan Brax and DJ Falcon, two gods of the French touch movement. Speaking of songs I've never heard of. I've seen DJ Falcon's name before. Alan Brax, I'm not familiar with, but I've been told they're Daft Punk adjacent. They are Daft Punk adjacent. They both came up in France during the same time, and they've both kind of... I know Falcon has. I'm sure Brax has in some way, but they've lended some co-production on some early stuff, but they were... pioneers of that late 90s French touch sound where they would sample soul songs and cool disco stuff and freak it. But I don't know why so many EDM or dance music artists want to have Panda Bear vocals on their song. I feel like it's a thing that I see more often than not. Zombie has a song with Panda Bear and all these other people do for some reason. I don't know. Love those guys. I have been drunk with Alan Brax eating Del Taco one time. I like that. Great guy. And DJ Falcon is like a hot old guy who surfs and lives in L.A. now. So that's a good vibe for him. That's very good. If I had a better body and stuck with DJing, I would probably have a similar trajectory in my life. Well, we'll see. Bad Bunny. Bad Bunny at number – no, we look kind of similar in some ways. We both got a big schnoz, a little beard, stuff like that. He's more tan and hunky than I am, unfortunately. He's like a French lippes. Number nine, Bad Bunny. I don't listen to Bad Bunny because all the songs just sound the same. They don't just sound cool. Number 10 is my biggest question because I'm unfamiliar.

Hikaru Utada, somewhere near Marseille. She's somebody that I didn't know about that much until earlier this year when she dropped this album. The artwork for it is cool. It's like her wearing some essentials clothing in her hallway. It's crazy. But I like it. She's cool when this song came out. People were just losing their shit over it, and I listened to it, and it was cool. Well, once it says, show-stopping finale frames a Mediterranean tryst in finger snaps and rubbery synths. Okay. Rubbery synths. That sounds great to me, but it was not giving that much for me. And also, Ethel Kane's on there. That's good. 1975, Friends of the Show on there as well. Yeah, I mean, the rest of it, it gets so obscure at certain points where I'm like, I should know some of this, I guess, but I don't. Yeah, we're good here. I'm going to go. I had to actually cancel and change my Pilates class for today because the timing was different. I messed up, but I'm going to go. I have a Pilates class in one hour, and my body, it's such a weird thing. I've only been to a few classes now. And right before my body gets into this weird panic or something like that, I feel nauseous before. Yeah, yeah. I'm scared and nauseous before, but then as soon as it's done, I feel so amazing. The 45 minutes goes by really quickly, and you don't even have time to think about what time it is or what's going on. And the hour or two leading up to it, I'm nervous and anxious, and I feel kind of nauseous, like I'm going to throw up. And then afterwards, oh, my God. I get that way about workout classes sometimes, actually. It's not necessary, but sometimes we put pressure on ourselves. If I didn't have my hostage tape, I don't know what I would be doing. What would you do?

What would you do? How long gone? Go check out that new New York Magazine cover that everybody's talking about. So many friends of the show on the cover. And I would love for you guys to debate that on Twitter about how it's pointless or how it's amazing. There's no in-between classic or trash lifestyle. And, of course, friend of the show, Annie Hamilton, the best person on there. Stealing the show. Well, I... I'm biased towards Lee Pace, but I understand what you're saying. Look, Lee doesn't need another win right now, okay? You're right, Lee. Look, look, the guy's got enough. All right, how long gone? Thank you for listening. to our podcast, and we will see you later this week with more podcasts. And thank you to our guests for canceling one hour before. That's why we have a solo episode today. Less than one hour. I would say 15 minutes. But, you know, Wi-Fi in Mexico isn't good. Who would have thought? How long gone? We'll see you guys soon. Bye.