313. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. I'm over here eating one of my Picky Bars, today's flavor. Picky Bar is obviously owned by Laird. He's an extreme athlete who started making products. It's not an ad. The flavor I'm eating right now is called Aw Fudge Nuts. That's something that Chris might say when he stubs his toe moving into his new house. That's exactly. I actually, it's funny because I'm picky about my bars and that's why I go macro. But that's a different conversation. Oh, damn. Okay. Chrissy the Butcher is coming in hot with music. Chop, chop, ho. I'm picky with my bars. We need to get layered. and some member asap 12y in the same room and see what they can come up with i'm picky about my bars and and that applies to not only uh protein but also uh what i'm doing in the lab and it also applies to local neighborhood hot spots i don't go to raise anymore you know things like that i'm very picky about my bars do you think if if if gun to head could i rap better than asap 12y off the dome without ever trying before i've never heard 12y rap i don't think anyone has Whenever he gets in the recording booth, they tell him that they're recording on Pro Tools. RIP yams. Someone's in there being like, yeah, you don't have to record this part. We're good, bro. It's kind of like a make-a-wish kind of thing, you know what I mean? We already got 12 verses for this one posse cut. We can leave his off. We'll let Nast live because he's got a nice converse, but the rest of these guys got to work for it, you know what I mean? They call me Mr. Posse Cut because the only cut that I get and I seem to get nowadays is when I'm with the whole posse.

Oh, man. I feel like I got hit by a truck. Oh, is that right, Chris? Well, you know, after a weekend in Miami's South Beach, even when you don't drink, when the late nights turn into early mornings, and you know how it goes, Jason. You've been there. Wow, this sounds like take care lyrics, but keep going, please. Late nights turn into early mornings. I just think it's funny that every time I'm in your city, you never text me. Drake did get cornrows, so we should talk about that. Yeah, she looks good. She looks good. That's a whole different topic. House of Aubrey looks good. The infamous House of Aubrey. Oh, God. He's trying to get his bussy chose with those cornrow photos, bro. The cornrows, I think he got them to match his son. I do think they look good on him, but I just don't. I'm surprised he didn't get those while he was doing his. you know, three-month vacation in Turks and Caicos. He waited until he got back. He did three? He did a three? Oh, I don't know, actually. He did a bid in Turks and Caicos. He did a bid in Turks and Caicos, but he's doing, I mean, he's selling the Yolo mansion, so I don't know what's going on. Is that the one in L.A. or in Toronto? No, that's the one in L.A., which is, I mean, that just seems crazy. Bro, bro, family changes everything. Bro, once I had my son Adonis, I couldn't leave the six, man. It's like even when it's fucking snowing, I have to take him and drop him off at school. And, you know, I have busted down a couple of the moms in the pickup line. But, you know, I mean, what am I supposed to do? I let them pick out whatever color Montclair they want when they're all done. Like, price is right. He said, we're not going home empty handed. No, no, no, not today. No one leaves here empty handed. Well, I think once you have, you know, once you have a kid, you know, it really, I mean, it changes what the word YOLO means to you. That's a good point. You only live once. Because you're only living once, but you're not living for one. Jason, I don't know what you have put in your system this morning, but you're coming in hot as well. Okay. I put in, I woke up 13 minutes ago. What?

There's a time change difference. Bitch, I don't give a fuck. You know, I had to get up early to hit Miami International. I was up to five. Okay, well, I think we feel... As if we have been hit by a truck for a very different reason. Well, I'm going to assume that... Yours is because you woke up at 5 to catch a flight, and mine is because I went to bed at 5. Were you at Sam Jayne's house drinking natty on the porch? Oh, you bet I was. Yeah, I know how those parties get. Sam knows how to party. That's one thing I really like about him. You're talking about cocaine? No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying he seems to enjoy to partake in whatever the night has to offer. He likes to have a good time. He knows how to do it. have a good time i did i did uh the cocaine didn't need to happen i'm sure you've been down this road where you you you kept the system clean the whole night and then for some reason you do like a 2 15 a.m bump when like it's already over and you're like well I'm going to go home and go to bed now, guys. That might not have been the best choice, but you've made worse choices in your long life. Come on, bro. It's not a problem for you to make a bad choice. We all know that. It's kind of one of your tent poles. Well, I'm glad. I was actually upset to miss that party because I wanted to build the squad, but I was in Miami, South Beach. You were too busy in Miami, Florida. Ground zero for America's culture war. It's a headline I read today, Chris. What kind of culture is at war over there? I know there's problems in the Ukraine, but this seems serious. I saw a friend of the show, a long time friend of the show, Steph Krasnoff. Shout out to Steve, baby. They were explaining to me how crazy the market is there, that there's houses renting. I mean, these are fucking nice houses on the bay. What kind of market are we talking about? We're talking about real estate. We're talking about real estate. Like a four-bedroom house on the bay. renting renting okay for a hundred and fifty bands a month yeah yeah yeah it's just absolutely twisted but is that like a is that like a diddy crib or is that just like a like a regular like really good house no it's a rich person's house but in a diddy crib okay there's not a male orgy going on while tiesto plays you know what i mean it's a little it's a little different that was my next question that's fucking crazy bro 150 a month

And you still got to pay for my spectrum? Think about the water bills, bro. I mean, alone. I mean, but I did. I was looking. I went to all the places where I thought I'd run into crypto billionaires. And the only place I ran into one was at the dinner that my client was throwing. And I invited them. Really? Yeah. Skeet, skeet. Shout out to Trevor. Shout out to Trevor. But I didn't. Like, I don't know exactly, I think I'm not exactly sure yet what the crypto millionaire look is. Like, I have ideas of elements, but I think it doesn't jump out at me the way some other subculture looks like I can identify immediately. That's like very Web 3 to not be able to tell, you know what I mean? Like, this is a dawn of a new era. Yeah, I mean, I just, apparently cryptos ruin the town, you know, obviously. masks are not a thing. That's the best part. There's not even a pretend mask put on. I would say in the last week, it's the same thing that's kind of happened here in L.A., man. I can't wait to get back. But I did, of course, build with Diz of the Mayor. We went to some great stuff. Brent Trill was with me. We went to a place called La Naturelle, which was the best-looking crowd in a restaurant I've seen in months. It was unbelievable. La Naturelle. What kind of cuisine are we talking about? It was like pizza, but they had a lot of vegetables. It was like 10 vegetable dishes and like eight pizzas. It was good. Some people are like, I don't like the pizza that much. I'm like, pizza is good, and if there's hotties around, then pizza is better. There's a great mushroom. dish apparently they have some fantastic natural wines obviously brennan i didn't partake in that if you're in miami beach florida and you get a decent pie you're happy that's really it but the biggest takeaway from the weekend besides the so we've been working on this app called bezel that's like a watch uh marketplace so get bezel.com it launched this okay slow down chief i was trying on i was

I was trying on the Richard Milley last night, you know what I mean, a light 250 with the rose gold. You already know. Did you, like, go to, like, a station to try this on? Was this behind closed doors? Was this chaining day? What's going on? Well, every day is chaining day when you're me because I just do that in the mirror. Oh, that's so awesome. No, there was a dinner at Casa Tua on Friday night, and then we did, like, a Soho Beach House thing last night, and that was where the try-ons, the main try-ons happened. Okay, so how does the try-ons – so you're – We're in Soho House in Miami Beach. Wow, what a scene. Hotties everywhere. We're in the beach bar all the way in the back. We're in the beach bar. DJ Jazzy Jeff is mixing it up on the ones and twos. It was actually a friend of the show, DZA, but yeah, it's like DJ Jazzy Jeff if he was cool. Yeah, so a cool DJ who is young was playing. The vibe was set, and then... Is there just like a person who shows up with white gloves on and a briefcase, and he just walks around being like, hey, do you guys want to try on some very expensive watches? No, there's like a little table set up. There's a table set up with probably 15 watches on it, and then there's four security guards. Standing around the watches. Oh, got it, got it. Okay, so it's like a thing, and people stand around like, ooh, what is that? Well, I think if you're really into that shit, it's like, I've seen this online. You know what I mean? I think it's like, oh, I want to see what this actually feels like. So it's like when I'm walking around the Americana, and you walk by the Tesla store, and you're like, let's go. It's an opportunity to kick the tire. Exactly. Something we've only seen on the Explore page. That's 100% what it is. I'm talking about Teslas only. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big Teslas. I haven't played. jane tesla sure my tesla be playing jane uh Yeah, but it was, like, I mean, I don't know, man. Miami, like, we stayed at this hotel on South Beach called Esme, which is new, and it was nice. The room was tiny, but it was, like, nice, but it felt like I was in, like, the worst mix you could possibly imagine of Little Italy and Las Vegas. Little Italy, just a general, generic Little Italy or, like, New York Little Italy? No, New York Little Italy, like, when it's popping, because there's, like, it was, like, the hotel, you have to walk down, like, an alley, and it's, like, full of, like, bad restaurants. Okay.

You know what I mean? So it's like you have to walk through that, but then you're on. That's mixed with what? What was the other flavor in this? Las Vegas. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of grease balls over there is what you're saying. I'm just not fully under. I guess, I don't know. You called me a grease ball? I just don't fully understand. I guess if you party, it's like whatever. It's the best time of your life. But it just seems like the traffic is fucking crazy. Everybody's insane. And the number one thing you notice about Miami and South Beach in particular is that people are just... When's the last time, Jason, you walked down, like, a busy public street in a bathing suit? Truly never. Like, chicks just yitties out, like, nasty-ass bikini on, flip-flops. The fella's got a face tat. He's got a Mountain Dew in one hand and a blunt in the other hand, no shirt on. Well, I mean, I'm saying if we're, I mean, obviously Florida gets a bad rap in the press for, you know, being America's... Bussy or whatever. Unfairly. Unfairly. Oh, of course, of course. Those guys are great over there. Those guys are great over there. What you're thinking is potentially the worst of the worst, but this is in Miami, which is the best of – this is the Soho. This is the Lower East Side of Florida. This is the top of the top in terms of America's runway. So I'm just saying imagine what type of shit you'd see if you're – At Ybor City or something. Jason, you know I've been to all those places. I know you have. I know you have. Pop Punk Strongholds. Those are Pop Punk Strongholds. The thing is, quickly, speaking of Pop Punk Strongholds, as I'm getting on the elevator at the Esme. I don't like the name Esme, I've got to say. Wearing just a classic. Fat Records logo tee. Just a plain Jane Fat Records tee. Black, plain black Fat Records tee. And he's got the... You know, just the small logo, a chest hit on the front and the big logo, chest hit on the back. A tastefully done chest hit. Not unlike the good people over at Sporty and Rich or something like that. No, exactly. You know, I think Sporty and Rich has been listening to no effects for longer than we thought. Who rescued who? You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm sure. I wonder if Oberg and Fat Mike text. I have a feeling that Fat Mike is a little ew, but that's just speculation. When they see each other, they build.

yeah we just have this thing like we don't talk that much on text but like when we're in the same room it's like magic you know it's like it's really great it's like wow we're back to being besties again so this guy's gatted up like full sleeves you know he's got the keys jangling and i'm like yo bro nice shirt and he's like oh thanks And we started talking. He's like, actually, I managed NoFX for six years. Wow, triggering. He's like, yeah, I was their tour manager. Then I became their manager. And then I was like, oh, shit, we did Warped Tour with them when I used to manage the band. And he's like, bro, actually, I'm in town with Alanis tonight. She's playing on the beach if you want to go. I was like, Alanis Morissette was playing on the beach as part of like a... community event and i was like you know what man i'm sorry i'm all booked but you know good luck what a lifer you know what i mean and and i guess alanis is back i think you probably knew that because they have a broadway they have jagged little pill broadway show do they really yeah is it just a concert or is it like uh An evening of dinner and theater. No, it's definitely theater. It's like based, I believe it's like a Broadway production based on the album. You know? No way. Yeah, and she's touring with Garbage. It's like she's back, I guess. I saw her play a few years ago at the same festival where I saw 3EB. How was she? And I think everyone was like, wow, Alanis. She still has the sauce. She took enough time out of the spotlight to retain her vocals, etc. And I can't wait to see these Broadway renditions of Isn't It Ironic and all those other great songs that she's made over the years. She's the kind of chick whose hair has always been long enough to cover her titties. You know what I mean? That's the vibe. Snap your dick clean off, too. Beautiful head of hair. Oh, yeah. Beautiful hair. Really, though. Beautiful hair. And she doesn't hide her grays, which actually I think is hot. No, I don't care if that's weird. No, I like that, too. And I know you're a freak. So we've established that you like gray hair as well as preggos in the last two podcasts. That's good. That's good, too. No, not preggos. I'm very selective with my pregnant chicks. You know what I'm saying, baby? Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First of all, they got to be bad as hell. Second of all.

Second of all, they have to have a bun in the oven. Off top? Off top? Off top? Like, let me just get this straight off rip? Yeah. They got to be bad as hell. They got to be bad as hell. Well, I'm actually going to Miami to have a few meetings because the launch of Third Trimester Shouties is going to be coming out. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from the Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned.

They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung, TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together, a cabinet. Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf. TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app. using promo code howlong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. I do have to do a lot of my server business and kind of the back-end stuff in Miami.

The 8th Street Latina guys are kind of helping me out, just on the runway, just to kind of get it off the ground, and then I think it'll go from there. You've done some partnering just to get it off the ground on the technology side, but you're kind of curating the book. For third trimester shouties? Yeah. I mean, the visual language, that's mostly me, but I could do the back-end stuff, but it's more of a time issue. For 2022, I'm trying to delegate stuff more. I understand that. I just want all the angels listening to just kind of bear with me as I'm working out that whole storyline. Thank you for sharing your journey publicly because I think as a hashtag male founder, we need to tell your story and kind of get it more up to the forefront. A lot of the female founders. Girl bosses, they're a lot better with kind of transparency. And some of the fellas, myself included, guilty, are kind of bad at that stuff. Is this a sustainable thing or are you using a lot of energy? No, no, no, no. We're kind of burning styrofoam and then using the gases that come off of that to kind of power our server farm. To power the server farm, exactly. More of a server swamp. actually. But I know that you love South Beach so much that you're willing to pay those exorbitant rent prices for your server farm to kind of be in the mix. You gotta spend money to make money in Miami. It's a cost of doing business. Last night, we're leaving So House and Bryn and Paul, who we're working with, and we get into this Uber and Bryn's like, holy shit, that guy's got a live stream on. What, the driver? Bro, this motherfucker had a DJ. like there was a dj live stream going on god damn it and he had it pumping through the speakers and full light program in the in the uber okay did you have to sign a release to be on his stream no no he wasn't streaming he was streaming someone's live set oh okay so somebody's fist like pumping his fist like he's at the rave okay okay i'm with it i'm with it so um that's pretty fucked up and that's uh you shouldn't

Be able to work and make money and do that at the same time. I agree. That was exactly my thinking. And he was speaking, him and Paul were speaking Spanish in the front seat, and he was like, you've never been in Uber like this, have you? And Paul was like, no, I haven't. That's like when you go to jail and the CO goes, you've never slept in a bed like this before, haven't you? And you're like, no, sir, I'm sorry. He was like, yeah, if it wasn't spring break, I'd be on my boat. And Paul was like, why are you driving an Uber if you have a boat? What kind of boat do you have? What kind of boat do you have? And he's like, actually, no one's ever followed up on that clear lie that I tell every person that gets in my car. I have nothing for you. I'm sorry. Do not ask me any more questions, please. I actually live in Broward, so it's a little bit different of a thing. Yeah, if I wasn't driving right now, I'd be on my boat right now because that's where my bed and my groceries are because I live on a boat. of like a nice below deck style it's it's more of a swashbuckling scenario it's it's more of something that i have to to steer with an oar it's not really it's not it's not super technologically forward we're saving up for a motor yeah we're saving up for a motor but yeah i mean honestly i had a great time and it was a success but i had to get the fuck out of there something about it really took me that's what people have been saying that's what people have been saying that it's like shit has changed and it is a shame Because also South by Southwest is happening at the moment, and now Miami. It's weird to see Miami. How did we not get the invite to that, first of all? There's nothing happening at South by anymore that has any use for us, and we don't have any use for anything going on there. It turned into full crypto. It's just... There's no bands or music playing there anymore. Yeah, there is. I see people I know playing. The only time a band is playing there is when Hewlett Packard is paying for them. It's not like we're going to go to this cool thing. I mean, I'm sure it does happen, but, you know, the essence of South by Southwest, the essence of Miami.

has all been stripped and diluted by people who have dows. Question for you. Do you think, because all these people left San Francisco, that we're going to see a weird San Francisco resurgence? Hate Ashbery comes back. Yeah, are we going to get, like, Imagine Dragons, but it's their ultimat? Like, is that possible? Is that, like, what? Could it be cool again because all of these people that quote-unquote ruined it have gone to Austin, Miami? Is that possible? There needs to be a new kind of thing to center it around because otherwise, I don't know if John Mayer and the Grateful Dead are going to be able to resuscitate this. Prop it up solely. There's going to have to be a new kind of lo-fi Luddite movement going on where we kind of go back to just hitchhiking. falling asleep in the park you know just doing drugs that you find on the ground yeah you know that kind of shit have have food be very inexpensive barter system gets put in place you know so you want to take this back you want dirt roads horse-drawn carriages or are you saying i just want to go back to like 60s okay you know hate ashbury vibe where where where it all started bro peace and love bro peace and love maybe you know i'd like to maybe the maybe the china the chinatown neighborhood of san francisco will have an uprising and And we'll throw the keys to the Tesla to our Chinese friends and be like, hey, we ruined this city. You guys should give it a try. You guys take this thing over. It's a salvage title. I always thought you should have been a city planner, so I'd love to hear it when you talk like this. Well, there's still time. There's still time. I don't know if I really want to build and plan cities anymore. I understand. You want to create and direct the cities. That makes sense. That makes sense. How much longer until somebody makes the announcement on their Instagram stories that they are now the creative director of Boise? Or, like, I'm the creative director of... Is Miami going to be the first city? Well, Pitbull already has that job, I think. But I believe that... No, I believe that that is... Pitbull's...

Can't, cannot use Illustrator, but yeah, go on. We should become the creative director of like Birmingham, Alabama and really make a shift. Uh, I don't know if that's, that's not really going to work out for me. I mean, I would love to be the creative director of Glendale. I mean, how, how many, count the days until I get assassinated for some of my design choices. I know you think the Armenian community embraces you, but if you had power, I don't think they would. No, no, no. They would embrace the hell out of me because then they could play me like a fiddle. Yeah. Something on the back end for TJ. TJ, kickback TJ. And I'm not talking about a party. I ain't talking. Kickback TJ. There's not a selection of heady IPAs here. This is. No. We're talking about payola. We love payola. What were you sipping on last night at Sam Jane's Soiree? My Armenian brothers were in the chop shop. They go, TJ, do you want the silver? Do you want the lead? That's what they tell you. You know what that means, Chris? I don't. You can figure it out, can't you? You better learn quick. Okay, I'll learn quick. As your campaign manager. I'm going to give you the bag. Or I'm going to pull out a lead pipe and beat you with it or shoot you with a gun. No, no, no. Bullets. Yeah, we're talking about bullets. I don't know if bullets are made of lead, Jason. They were. They used to be made of lead. And I think it was Biden who kind of made it switch. And all the cool lead stuff, man. This country was built on lead. You know what, man? Between the coal mines and the lead mines, I can't believe. I can't believe what this country has turned into. It's unbelievable. Back in my day, you break your leg, rub a little lead on it. Exactly. You know, back in my day, work meant work. It didn't mean sitting in front of a computer and clicking around. Oh, I have brain cancer. Fucking shut up, pussy. No, it's crazy. You're going to get this lead, bitch. Baby, when I get home from work tonight, oh, you know you're getting the lead. Your kids are like, I want lead. And your parents are like. We have lead at home, and then they show you the picture of the lead at home, and you're like, no thanks. That's aluminum. No, bitch. That is aluminum.

Fool me once, shame on you. If nothing else, I would like for the lead community to make us creative directors and we can bring that back. Anyone can be like, hey, I'm the creative director of Rimowa. You know what I mean? We make suitcases and they look good and that's it. That's easy. But to turn lead around? No, that's a challenge. That's when ad weeks. Starts calling, I think. And they want to do the 12-page spread. When you engage How Long Gone for that kind of commitment, you're investing in not only your future, but the future of this country and our economy. With this inflation stuff, we can make a lot of bread on lead. Oh, damn. Damn. That's the campaign slip. Bread on lead. It's time to take a second look at lead. All right. Actually, you know what? Sam Jane's not going to be up for another three or four hours, but let's give him a call and get this deck going. We got to beat these guys to the punch. I don't want Droga taking money out of my pocket. Fuck you, Droga5. Just kidding. Unless you want me to consult on something involving Denny's. What were you sipping on? You didn't answer me. Oh, okay. I was sipping on Mezcal. Okay. Keg beer. Scrimshaw. Oh, wow. He had a keg. What was the... Tasteful Choice. It was his birthday party, right? Yeah, it was his birthday. So how many graphic designers were there, you think? Everyone was a graphic designer. The cleaning lady was a graphic designer. Did you wear a brain dead shirt just to feel like part of it? Or did you go playing Jane? I did not. I did not. But I did kind of. dress a little bit more accordingly you know for i don't have any carhartt pants with two panels on them but you know i did my best to kind of get there but you're you're telling me that you know how to use photoshop and illustrator and you don't wear double knees when you're doing that hard work exactly that's crazy i'm built different crazy you let your knees breathe that's even crazier so you got home at five no i would say like three yeah around three but the problem was the daylight saving so it was actually two So, like, we left, and then I got home, and I was like, damn, bro, it's like 3.30 right now. I'm still off a bean. Did you have some Johnny Walker Black to kind of calm down when you got home? Just a nice little nip? No, I had a nip of the bong. Just because sometimes your straightener needs a straightener. I really do know what you mean, and I think that...

You should have tried Xanax, maybe. If I had fucking Xanax, well, first of all, I wouldn't be doing this podcast right now. I'd be on my honk chew. So what is TJ's recovery plan for today? Oh, that's great. So I made a giant coffee in the Yeti Tumblr. I'm sipping it right now. I'm in Atlanta, and it sounds like I'm talking to my mom now. Okay, go ahead. The lid is off because that's only slowed me down. Oh. And then I've... I've got my How Long Gone Green and Blue out of stock. Now, Gene, it's filled up with some Laird. This is not a commercial. They have this powder that you add to water, and it turns it into a Gatorade-type shit. All the magnesium and blue. Laird's version of Electrolit. Yeah, it tastes like if you buy coconut water in jail, that's what it tastes like. In a good way. If you go to a commissary and you're like, let me get one of those harmless harvests, and they're like, we only have harmful harvests. Yeah, let's give you harmful harvests. Why is this coconut water blue? I thought it was supposed to be pink. How long until you can get coconut water at commissary? Can you not now? It's a good question. I can't confirm or deny it. I know they have Mountain Valley sparkling and still only the small bottles. And also, I think they might even... This is some real bitch shit, but a lot of these places don't have the big bottles and they also get plastic. I just like the idea of going to jail and you're in the mess hall and somebody dumps some inanimate slop onto your metal plate and then you go to get a drink and then they only have the small bottles of Mountain Valley and you're like... I just scream guard. I just scream guard. Like that's when it finally sinks in. Like, oh no, I am in hell. Guard! I'm just used to a certain way of living that involves a 32-ounce bottle. I just don't understand why you can't get that through your thick skull, guard. Every size of water that's not the biggest one is crazy to me. I could feel our meme account making that meme right now.

size of water that isn't the biggest one is crazy it's crazy dude when you think about like the kid when it came out when those little tiny like kids lunchbox bottles came out you know what i'm talking about like the like the like the three inchers yeah i'm like this is stupid like this is actually when i'm like You're hurting the environment for one sip of water. Oh, way to flip it on a sustainable issue. That's good, Chris. No problem, bro. I'm running for all this. I agree with you. It's literally one little sip of water. It's more plastic than product, and you're just kind of like, okay, this is simply a cock tease at this point. The little Fiji's they give you when you're in the lobby at William Morris, you know what I mean, waiting for your agent to tell you it's not looking good. I understand that in that setting. Jonah Hill actually passed. It's not for any reason. It's not anything that you did. Look, I know I didn't want you to come all the way in for this, but I felt like we need to do this face-to-face. We loved you for it. You nailed it on your second callback, but you are just too tall. You are just seven feet tall. No, look, they love your look, and they have a lot of stuff coming up, and they're definitely going to keep you in mind. They love your look. They think you're great. They think you're great. I was in there, and when they were watching the tape, hysterical. They were eating it up. But you are. That's like one of the classic SNL, the Chippendales. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We went another way because you are just so fat. But otherwise, wow. I saw a headline, by the way, that Vinny from Jersey Shore. Vinny, he's like the most boring one, right? Most boring one. He's a Chippendales dancer now. That is what he does for a living. That's part of his income stream. Yeah. Bro, just do cameos, bro. How much money are you making being a Chippendales dancer? He probably got a nice little contract. He got a nice little contract, but I think he's doing it for the tail. I saw the headline. The headline was like, I meet a lot of women dancing for Chipman. Or it's like a great place to meet women. I'm like, yeah, do you think, bro? Look, I get two hot meals a day, $1,500 a week, and I can fucking fuck any 300-pound bitch from Kentucky I choose. Oh, I'm putting numbers on the board. Let's just say life's...

Going pretty good. It's going pretty good. I wonder if people are going to start doing real celebrity contracts like that. Because I'm sure if you're just a normal kind of bit player, thunder from down under kind of guy, you're not really making tons of bread. First of all, these hunks are pooling their tips, I'm assuming, right? What do you think about this Kim Kardashian work hard thing? People are really up in arms about this still. It's both sides of the coin. I think that she is a hard worker. I think that it is lazy to just say, you know, make a meme that says, oh, you forgot to have generational wealth or whatever. Yeah, David Cross tweeting about it. Like, David Cross, that shit, Patrick Sandberg retweeted that. I'm like, David Cross is the most irrelevant fucking dork. Like, the way, I just like these, like, just so deeply unfunny. I say let that be a lesson because I saw that and it was. To me, it was just sad to see because when I first started going to stand-up shows, like 20 years ago or something like that, I would see David Cross was like the Skrillex of the indie comic scene. That was like the top. He was so cool and funny, and him and Bob Odenkirk had this TV show that was like the coolest sketch comedy show on HBO. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Odenkirk was able to kind of land the plane safely. Yeah, he's the GOAT. I mean, he's become, I don't know, it's crazy. I would have never thought Odenkirk would have lapped Cross. Cross just kind of turned into like a curmudgeon guy. And now he's like the guy who's old and tweeting shit about this. You have to know that it's not going to go well for you when you do that. It's like the 9-11 joke or whatever. You can do it. You can talk about this Kim Kardashian issue as long as you hit a home run. That's the only thing. Because if you don't hit a home run, it's going to be like, okay. You mad. Old man screaming at the sun kind of shit. Yeah, you mad. Also, you're rich, bro. Not that you didn't work for it. You did, obviously. I get it. People just hate success.

Like, who cares what people start with? Like, do you know how many dumbass rich kids we know that will never do anything? Oh, yeah. Like, and I also, you know, I mean, her dad was a lawyer. It's not like it's, like, fuck. You know, I mean, like, a celebrity lawyer in L.A. does really well, but we're not talking about, like, fucked up money. I don't think. You know what I mean? I think Bruce Jenner had more bread when he came in. That's true. He spent it all on shoes, though, but. Bruce had M's until he met Louboutin. You know what I mean? It's all downhill from there. Yeah, they take my whole check. That's what he said. We've talked a lot about it with Cho. I think David, friend of the show, David Cho. We've got to get him back on the show, fan fave. But he will say, like, whenever we're kind of having these debates or talking about these scenarios like that, he'll kind of bring everything back down to planet Earth and saying, like, you can be two things at once. It doesn't have to be one. Totally. You can be a hard worker and come from generational wealth. Yeah. I don't know why that makes people so upset. upper middle class to sort of rich people who like hate her for what she stands for are the people that are actually mad like regular people don't actually care about dump shit like this this only exists on twitter regular people are like i saw you looking good kim on the runway the only people that care about this should know better than to care about this is the is the is the issue yeah You're more of a Courtney guy now. Lately, I don't know who I am. You're still Chloe. It's okay. Chloe looks like a pencil drawing now. She looks like a sketch. Yo, you're looking like a drawing. I don't mean Picasso. Chloe is 2D. She's two-dimensional now. It's very cool that they ended their show, like, dramatically ended it, and then a month later, like, all right, yeah, we're back on Hulu, baby. They gave us $100 million. Like, it's so cool. Really? Yeah, they literally ended their show on E, and then definitely less than six months later announced that they're, like, literally doing the same show, different name, on Hulu. See, that's something I'll watch, because they're probably in some fucked-up, weird, predatory contract with E.

You know, what's his name as the executive producer? Don't talk about my guy like that. What's his name again? Super sexy Ryan Seacrest. What's his name again? Is that a nickname that you gave him, or is that something that's known that other people call him super sexy Ryan Seacrest? I definitely wish I made that up, but I don't feel like I can take credit for that. The coolest part about Ryan Seacrest is he's still like 28 years old. Bro, Ryan Seacrest is 50 years old, and he keeps himself a bad 22-year-old. what's his name i think if they get out of that fucked up contract and the weird deal and they can kind of like not film it in that creepy e-news no it's gonna be it's gonna be the exact same show it's gonna be exactly the same now that they're a free agent they're out of their contract they're finally able to film it they have a new they have a new contract they're not out of a contract they just have a different one well i mean they're out of their old one whether or not it expired or whatever happened and now no now they can kind of do whatever they want to do you know Terrell's building the set. Who knows? I don't know who's going to DP it. Oh, so it's going to be a Paul Thomas Anderson production. It could. I mean, it could be anyone. Yeah, I mean, that's true. They could literally be whatever they want. They could have Spike Jonze films it like that Aziz special that didn't go so well. What if Spike Jonze shows up in Calabasas with the fucking Steadicam on? Like, all right, you guys ready? It's like, this isn't a girl video. You bitches going to eat your salads now? Can I film that? I don't think Spike says bitches. Don't do that. I think Spike's a respectful king. I think that Spike doesn't want to say bitches, but he kind of uncomfortably says it to try and be cool and fit in, and he immediately apologizes for it. That's probably the most accurate. Yeah, you're probably right. Or he has his AD apologize for him. There is bigger news afoot, Chris. I have a sauna. Oh, yeah. I mean, I know you have a sauna. You sent us 15 action shots yesterday of it being installed. And I'm happy for you. Well, it's big. It's big for me. It is big for you. Big for us. I'll never use that sauna, but yeah, thank you. Why would you never? Well, it's big for you because whenever you come over to my house and record an episode with me. I have to sit next to it? You're going to sit next to it, and now it kind of creates a little wall. So it's like you're in the booth, and you can kind of just.

go straight off of your blackberry in there oh i see so it's it emulates a booth for the rapper of the two of us so i'll be able to kind of get in that headspace once you play the beat a hundred times i'm just kind of in there i'm not actually in the sauna i'm not using the sauna well i'm happy you got it i mean why don't you want to use the sauna chris you mad because you ain't got one broke ho shit you can't hate you can't hate from outside the sauna No, no, no. I just don't. Like, I'm not going to use another man's sauna. I would have to walk through your house to take a shower. Yeah, that's true. I think it would be a scenario where, like, you know, hey, I'm out of town. You know, your house's in. Feel free to use the sauna. No, you got Nest Cam. No, I'm good, bro. No, Nest Cam only on the outside, not on the inside. Cam on the inside, nothing good comes from that. No, that's cat owner shit is what that is. No, that's, like, get caught up. And forget that you went to the kitchen holding a gun one time and you were taking a piss at 6 in the morning and you just needed to bring your gun and then the police pulled that footage and then you get arrested. You get caught up. Did you take your inaugural run? I was in the sauna reading a novel under the infrared light. Less than an hour after my white glove service installation team left. Damn, that's great. Also, quickly, has it changed the scent profile of your entire house because of the cedar? It has. Interesting. Yeah, the whole crib on cedar. That's nice. That's one of the main benefits. That's worth $6,000, in my opinion. I know, I know. And it said in the instruction manual that it will smell especially cedar-like for the first couple months. Um, and then you'll kind of like get used to it after a while, you know, like so many smells. Of course. Of course. Yeah. You go nose blind to the cedar. You go nose blind. But yeah, if you were wondering, do it smell crazy in there? The answer is yes. I'm going to get you some, I think a nice gift for you guys would be some, some monogrammed sauna towels. That was the first thing that I thought of when I was taking my maiden voyage was, Oh, I'm, I need to now go on Amazon and buy like a.

50 pack of white towels like you get at the gym or something like that because no no no we need a 50 pack but they got to say jeans and i'm not settling for your little cheap shit you would go to amazon we don't go to amazon i use the towel and then i just throw it away Oh, you're daming the towels. Okay, that's different. See, that makes it different, doesn't it, Chris? Yeah, but that's going to create a lot of problems. That's a lot of waste. I think you'll eventually get tired of the cost. I know the Amazon subscriptions are convenient. Damn, it would be cool if you could subscribe to towels. You probably can, man. They wouldn't be good quality, but I'm sure you can. No, no, no. No, I mean, what I'm saying is the towel issue is a real thing. whenever you're in the like when i saw at the gym every day it's like okay i walk out and there's just like tile floor and yeah drains and vent you know all that shit but now i just walk out and it's like um i'm in my office and it's a wood floor and i have to like walk to the shower yeah it's like a and i'm sweating like a whore in church in there brother that's the no i know that's the whole point is there a possibility That you never shower. I mean, will you ever sauna at Equinox again? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I like to have options. That's what I thought. This is just an additional option. I got my daily driver and I got my grocery getter weekend warrior. I mix it up. And it's because I have wet at gym and dry at home. And it's good because I'm mainly excited to catch up on my reading because. So Asana is kind of the only place where I really get my best reading done, distraction-free in there. Just to be clear, reading means you have a book. It's not a pocket app reading it to you. You do realize that? That's right. No. Okay. And I love the – What it does to the paper? Gives it a nice crunch? Yeah. Well, it makes it so I definitely know that the book has been read. You know what I mean? I don't remember who was talking about it, but – You know, it's a sin to throw a book away. You have to keep it in perfect condition. It's a gift and you put it back on the shelf and, you know, mint condition pristine. And I'm like, I'm never going to, I mean, we're lucky that I'm reading it one time. I'm never going to reread a book ever in my life. I know that thing I know for sure. So I love really reading a book. Pages all ripped, sweaty, blood, sweat, tears, cum.

And you walk by that book on the shelf and you go, somebody read that book. Somebody is really hitting those pages right. You're truly disgusting in every way. I understand what you mean, but I wish I didn't. Girl, he read that book. I like my books crispy and clean, of course. I like to beat the brakes off a book. I like to retain the dust jacket if possible, but sometimes travel prevents that. Bro, you gay. I know. I know. I'm glad that you have got the sauna. The long national nightmare of TJ's sauna is over and it has arrived. And I am going to have to hear about it for another six months until the honeymoon period wears off. Like I was saying before, I'm already saunaing five days a week at the gym. So it's more exciting for Bae because she truly loves the infrared sauna. And it's like a big part of her life. And she's very excited to not have to. go to a place and spend 40 bucks every time and i like to go to the places because they it's just the people that work at an infrared sauna in la one of the top freak establishments it's oh yeah crazy they're all q anon like how yeah literally how did you get here like and you're so q anon i can't believe you think the infrared's good for you that's it that's that's what my favorite intersection of people is you you are q anon you are violently christian but you also like believe in the healing power of uh gemstones and crystals and aromatherapy and heat and essential oil period when you when you put all that together you get a very unique type of bitch and uh and i love it because at the end of the day they're kind of like i am about my business i do love christ our lord and savior But I'm also a fun chick at the end of the day. I take care of my body, my mind. I take care of my body. It's God's temple. And my spirit. And that's not something to mess with. But I do think this person that we're describing only exists in L.A. And Florida. Yeah, that's true, actually. You're right. You're right. You're right. But in Florida, I feel like they're probably a little less ambitious. Yeah, no shit. You know what I mean? They're not really out there pounding the pavement for their small business loan approvals. They don't show up.

kind of feverishly in a rush to your 1115 appointment at wells fargo business center and then you start crying and saying that i have all the papers no this is everything on the website i have it all one of my favorite movie scene tropes the person who shows up for the business loan at the bank who everyone knows they're not going to get the loan and they think that As long as they have all the papers that they asked for, they're going to get it. Because it's just papers. You know, that's really all they're looking for is paper. But, yeah, so I have a sauna. That's good. I'm going to probably use it as soon as we're done recording. I'm going to sweat out all this cocaina. Those two bumps and the two bottles of mezcal. Bro, I had mezcal the night before, too. I went for a mezcal tasting. Jesus Christ, bro. Just move to Mexico City if you like it that much, okay? It's actually more produced in Oaxaca. Oh, I know. I love Oaxaca. That's where a lot of the agavalleros are, and they have machetes and things like that. Do not pronounce machete like that. Okay. How long gone, baby? We're back. Thank you to all my Miami familia. For a wonderful... Bro, you changed. A wonderful weekend. I was able to eat healthy. It was the hardest berries classes I've ever done in my life with a trainer. Really? Bro, this guy, it was the most twisted run I've ever done. It was fucking insane. Did you have to pay in Ethereum? No, luckily they accepted Bank of America personal debit as well. The smoothies were not great. A little watery. But, you know, you can't win them all. That's maybe what Miami likes. That's the flavor they like. You know, I don't want to shit on that. They like a little water in the smoothie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. They step on everything, even their smoothies. Damn right, TJ. But yeah, Miami was a blast. Thank you to Dizza, the mayor. Happy to be in ATL for a few days where we can lay down some sick pods before I head back to reunite with my illustrious co-host in Los Angeles. Oh, yeah, that's nice. And we have some, you know, knock on wood, no jinxing, but we have some great episodes this week. We're going to have a great...

st patrick's day episode a real barn burner yeah we're going we're actually flying to ireland tonight thank you good people that um what's it a dublin air yeah dublin air i've been uh i've been corning my beef for the last two weeks. I didn't want to tell you guys, but The Edge from U2 is coming on how long gone to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. He has a new album coming out with Diplo. He decided to sit down and talk with us about his approach to guitar playing, dealing with Bono, why he wears a beanie all the time, kind of everything. We're going to get into all of it with him. If you ever need a podcast to help you fall asleep, that'll be a good one. We're a sleep podcast now. Also, low ticket alert is still happening in Toronto. I don't know if it's sold out yet but if you live in the greater canada area uh this is your chance to not have to have a passport to come see how long gone so don't be a fucking greater canada area and do that but yeah how long gone uh jason go get your son on get rid of all those toxins i'm gonna take a nap and then go do a nice hot yoga flow to kind of get my body ready for Atlanta buries tomorrow. Mobility kings are at it again. The grussel never stops when it comes to the bod. Okay, could you tell G and L I said hello and I miss your parents very much? I'll of course let them know. They're both here today. Also, my parents, I don't know what happened, but they look great. I haven't seen them in like four or five months. They both have lost considerable weight. They look fit. Does your dad have a snatched little waist? My dad's waist is snatched and I have to say... He's also got a nice pile of 90s Nike crewnecks that I'm leaving with, so this is a great trip for me. Oh. I know. Damn, okay. Sounding like my explore page. Snatch a little waist, a fat little ass on some vintage crewnecks. This is my explore page. All right, Gary, go on with your fine ass. All right, I'll talk to you, Jason. Congratulations on everything. Thank you. Bye. Bye.